


the dreamers

by lcvecarmen



Series: you're alright (you're still breathing) [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, Garage Band AU, M/M, Miscommunication, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Slice of Life, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2019-10-18 01:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 52,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17571539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcvecarmen/pseuds/lcvecarmen
Summary: their band has been going great until mark, their guitarist, shares his plan for graduation.he's leaving the band.





	1. the first summer

 

 

 

_ THE FIRST SUMMER _

 

The stage, the lights, the crowds of people. If there's anything Donghyuck loves more than singing, it's performing in front of a crowd. He thrives under attention, showing his best at all times and never settling for less. It’s what he lives for. It’s what he breathes for. 

 

It’s what he loves. 

 

So when the bass pumps through his heart and the lights nearly blind him in this raggedy bar owned by his brother’s boyfriend, Donghyuck is at his happiest. He’s sweaty and hot, but the crowd loves him and his band. There’s no feeling like this one. This euphoric feeling of performing. 

 

As the final chord is struck and Jeno’s cymbal is heard crashing, the gig is over and Donghyuck is back to reality. 

 

“Thanks for coming out tonight,” he shouts into the mic, prompting another roar of cheers. “Be sure to hit the bar because I sure can’t,” he jokes before running backstage. 

 

Backstage is small and crowded with all five of them. Donghyuck tries to slide through the small hallway and ends up in their dressing room (the storage room because Johnny’s bar isn’t that cool). 

 

He sits on the rough couch and waits for his friends to join him. Donghyuck calms his breathing and closes his eyes as he listens to the chatter outside. People are loud and drunk outside, but Donghyuck is only focused on the rapid beat of his own heart. 

 

“This crowd was so sick,” Renjun says loudly upon entrance. “Unlike last week’s, they actually had reactions,” he says, voice laced with sarcasm and venom. 

 

When Renjun talks, you listen. His voice is soft but sharp. Just like him. He seems like this nice small boy, but Renjun is the cattiest person Donghyuck knows. They all still love him, though. Except for Jeno. they have some weird beef going on at the moment, but they don’t talk about that. 

 

“I think it’s because we put our posters in that coffee shop,” says Donghyuck to make a point. He chugs down the rest of his water bottle and throws it carelessly towards the general direction of the trash bin. “Pretentious hipsters love our shit.” 

 

Jeno comes barreling in within a short few seconds, cheering and coming off the adrenaline of performing. People respond to the off-stage high differently. Jeno gets even more rambunctious, and if Donghyuck wasn’t so tired he would react the same way as well. However, he just got done the most tiring set of the summer and he’d much rather sleep. 

 

He plans to do exactly that before Johnny, their unofficial manager, comes strolling in like he usually does when they’re finished their sets. 

 

“You guys gotta get out of here,” he says upon arrival. “Your brother’s asking for you,” he says with raised eyebrows as he points to Donghyuck. 

 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “Don’t you have a bar to run?” he lazily states. 

 

Johnny sarcastically laughs, but is shortly cut off when he says, “Just get out of my bar before your brother gets pissed. It’s already way past your bedtime, baby,” he coos, pinching the younger’s cheek. 

 

“Past my bedtime?” Donghyuck scoffs. “The retirement home calls,” he jokes right before Johnny hits him upside the head. 

 

The three kids leave the small room and go out the backdoor to avoid all of the annoying drunk college kids. For some reason, that’s the only crowd they know how to draw in. That and the emotional high school students who think following underground bands make them cooler. 

 

Well, they are high school students, but Donghyuck won’t characterize himself with them. 

 

The city at night is cool and the sidewalks almost seem vacant. The neon lights provide light for them as they pack their equipment into Jeno’s raggedy van. Donghyuck loves the city and he’d much rather live there than suburban town. In suburban town, everybody acts the same, dresses the same, talks the same. They’re all clones of each other. 

 

Except for Renjun, Jaemin, Jeno, and Mark. Those four, they’re different. Donghyuck doesn’t like to talk to clones of himself because he doesn’t even like himself. So, when he met them all, Donghyuck believed he had a chance. 

 

He met Mark in eighth grade. His brother hung out with the one guy (pretty sure they were dating, but he never told) and that guy had a kid brother, just a year older than him. They didn’t like each other at first, of course. Mark seemed too generic for Donghyuck’s style. 

 

It wasn’t until the band was formed when they slowly became acquainted with each other. Mark turned out to be a pretty decent guitar player. He slowly became someone worth Donghyuck’s time. 

 

Now, it’s the summer of junior year and Mark is going to be a senior. He’ll soon be gone and away from them, off to college. Mark makes sure his summer is one for the books. Donghyuck pretends not to be bothered. 

 

So, when they’re packing Mark comes strolling in with two girls following him, Donghyuck has to roll his eyes. He hears Mark tell them a lame joke and the girls laugh. They’re small and pretty, just Mark’s type. 

 

Donghyuck leans against the van and pauses for a second to observe. With his arms crossed and a scowl on his face, he listens to his friend’s lame attempt to flirt. 

 

“Was this your first concert with us?” he asks them with that dorky smile. Donghyuck has to force a scoff down. 

 

“We’ve actually been to all of your shows this summer,” one of them answers with a light and high voice. As much as he hates helium voices, he has one too, so he can’t really shit on her for that. 

 

Mark’s smile grows, but Donghyuck finds it kind of weird that they’ve been to every show. A fan is a fan, he guesses. 

 

“You gonna help us pack or what?” he snaps when he sees one of the girls writing her number on Mark’s arm with sharpie. 

 

He looks ups with a startled look, but it morphs into a sly smirk as he notices Donghyuck’s unpleasant glare. 

 

“Just give me a second,” he responds as he puts up his pointer finger. “I’ll see you girls around?” he asks them. Donghyuck then really does scoff. They giggle and run off. 

 

Mark then finally decides to join them, standing around as tiny Renjun carries a heavy amp. 

 

“God, you’re worse than Jaemin,” Renjun snaps. Mark just laughs and helps with the amp. 

 

Right on cue, Jaemin comes walking out of the bar with his bass guitar, looking bored and tired. It’s rare to see his friend look so tired when he’s usually the one bouncing off the walls and talking up a storm. Donghyuck looks at his friend with slight concern, but brushes it off when Jaemin puts on his famous smile in an instant. 

 

“I was talking to some producers inside,” he sighs as he carefully puts away his bass. “They said our songs are for shit, but wanna work with us or something.” 

 

Donghyuck takes full offense to that because  _ he  _ writes their songs. He’s the one that sings their lousy songs and he’s the one that makes up their lousy songs. Mark helps out too sometimes, but it’s mostly Donghyuck (that’s a lie because Mark writes all of their songs, too). 

 

“Fuck that,” he snaps. “We write our own songs, not some bozo who thinks he can do better.” 

 

Renjun looks at him carefully and chooses his words before he speaks. Smart guy. “Maybe it’s time to expand a bit,” he offers. He sees the deadly glare Donghyuck sends his way and scrambles to soothe the statement. “I mean, you and Mark are great, but maybe we should start looking into new sounds.” 

 

Jeno closes the van with a loud thump and says, “Renjun’s right.” He digs out his keys. “We should try to reach new audiences.” 

 

“Oh, a new audience? Appeal to the masses because our lo-fi hip-hop study session music is so terrible?” he jokes. 

 

Jeno rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean,” he mumbles. The conversation is over as he hops in to drive. 

 

The others follow in closely. Jeno’s van is shitty so they have to really squeeze in with Donghyuck sitting on Jaemin’s lap and Renjun sitting on Mark’s. One day, they’re going to get a bigger van with more seats. Right now, they’re broke high school students trying to work things out. 

 

The windows are down and the song that Jeno was playing has Donghyuck feeling strangely nostalgic. He watches the tall skyscrapers pass by and he can hear the sounds of the city so clearly. Summer’s coming to an end and school restarts this upcoming Monday. Soon, the shows and exciting summer nights will draw onto an end. He’ll miss me this. He’ll miss stuffing five people in one van and running around trying to find an open venue. He’ll miss getting drunk on Tuesdays and pretending all is well. 

 

Now that school’s going to start, stuff is going to start getting a whole lot more complicated. So, for now he focuses on the song playing and the noises of the city. He rests his head against Jaemin’s chest and keeps his friend’s arms entangled around him. 

 

“You need to touch up your roots,” he states quietly, playing with a strand of Donghyuck’s orange hair. 

 

He snaps around to glare at his friend, who just laughs in response and pretends to have said nothing at all. 

 

These are his friends and they’re going to be juniors, the most stressful year. Mark’s going to be a senior and he’ll be off to college soon. The inevitable is starting to creep up on them and when it does, it drops like a bomb. A big nasty, unwanted bomb. 

  
  
  
  


“The fuck you mean you’re quitting the band?” Donghyuck screeches, loud and for everyone to hear. Everyone hears him shout at Mark, but his words are only for Mark. 

 

Mark. Stupid Mark and his California dream. California isn’t even that cool. 

 

They’re all at Jaemin’s house, hanging by the man made waterfall in his pool. The sounds of the waterfall are nice and relaxing. Jaemin’s some rich kid with some rich parents with cool cars and lots of money. Donghyuck’s only a little bit jealous. He doesn’t have time to think about that now though, because Mark just told them he’s quitting the band to move to California right after graduation, which is ten months away. 

 

He gets up quickly when Mark says nothing. The tears start to prickle his eyes and he immediately stops them once he’s inside. His wet feet leave trails behind him as he searches for his jansport bag. This was supposed to be a fun day. The last day of summer vacation today, but Mark just had to ruin it. 

 

He hears the sliding door open and he ignores it. He continues to search for his bag without glancing at whoever joined him. 

 

“You didn’t even get your towel,” the dreaded voice says. “It’s all wet now.” Mark’s stupid voice and stupid concerns. 

 

Donghyuck whips around and glares at Mark. His stare is mean and hopefully requires the right amount of anger. He hopes he can’t tell Donghyuck was just about to cry. Had it not been for his great control, he would be sobbing like a little baby. 

 

“Fuck you, Mark,” he mumbles weakly. “We were supposed to do this together.” 

 

Mark doesn’t answer for a while. For a few beats, they’re just standing in Jaemin’s living room. The air is uncomfortable and would probably make any normal person cringe. It’s a little cold, air conditioning on full blast. Donghyuck shivers because he’s only in his yellow trunks, and goosebumps grow on his arms. 

 

He turns around quickly so Mark wouldn’t notice his discomfort. With his back turned towards Mark, Donghyuck sighs and finally finds his bag. He picks it up weakly and holds it tightly. 

 

“You knew that wasn’t gonna happen,” Mark says softly. He says it as if he’s scared of breaking Donghyuck even more than he already has. It doesn’t work. “I can’t wait forever.” 

 

Donghyuck gets irritated at this because they’ve promised each other. As partners in writing their works and bandmates, Mark swore he was going to wait for Donghyuck to graduate before they both move to California. This was something they’ve discussed for years, during weed sessions and backstage hangouts. This is all they had. 

 

“It’s one year, Mark,” he states, frustrated. “Is it that serious?” 

 

Mark shrugs. “Doyoung, one of the producers from Friday, made a good offer,” he informs. 

 

Doyoung approached Mark on Friday. It was now Sunday and it took Mark less than four days to decide he wanted to throw away everything they had together. He threw away four years for some promise to California. This is what angered Donghyuck so much. How quick Mark can turn on all of them so selfishly boggles his mind. 

 

Donghyuck sees red. “So, what, you thought ditching your friends for some deal was worth it?” he scoffs. “I see where we stand.” 

 

“It’s not like that,” his voice raises the slightest. Mark’s getting frustrated, too. “Out of all people, I thought you would be the most understanding.” 

 

Donghyuck scoffs again. “Guess you were wrong.” 

 

“You  _ know  _ how important this is to me,” his voice keeps on raising. 

 

“Obviously it’s more important than our friendship,” Donghyuck snaps, his voice threatening to crack and crumble. All of his emotions are on the verge of bursting and he hates feeling vulnerable like this. “Have fun in California, I guess.” 

 

With that, he’s off running out the door. He quickly hops on his bike and pedals so fast his legs burn in extortion. Tears blur his vision before he knows it and he’s actually crying now. With a rough hand, he swipes at his eye and sniffles. Mark has made him cry.

 

It’s the last day of summer vacation and Mark has made him cry for the first time this year. 

  
  
  
  


School starts exactly the same way as it always does. Slowly and painfully. 

 

Donghyuck hates school just as much as the next person. So, when he’s sitting in a poorly air conditioned room filled with people he doesn’t talk to, he’s less than ecstatic to be there. 

 

The same old run down has him staring out the window and ignoring everything the teacher says. He’s saying something about textbooks, but Donghyuck can’t really understand with that terrible lisp. That’s going to be a headache. 

 

When he decides he’s had enough, he shoots his hand up. His chair shifts a bit with the exaggerated action. The teacher continues to talk and Donghyuck rolls his eyes. People turn to look at him when he clears his throat. 

 

“May I use the bathroom?” he says loudly. His voice suggests it’s more of a demand than a question, though. 

 

The teacher shows his obvious frustration of the interruption before pointing towards the empty sign up sheet. Donghyuck sweetly smiles and gets up to sign it. He makes a big show of it, making it seem like an autograph as he holds it up obnoxiously. His signature takes up half of the page, big cursive letters taking it up. He adds a heart just to be a menace. 

 

“Might wanna save that for when I’m famous,” he jokes, the class chuckling after him. 

 

Once he’s in the bathroom he sits on the sink and waits as he shoots a text to Jeno, who’s at the same floor as him. He tells him to get to the bathroom ASAP, informing him that it was something important. 

 

Once Jeno arrives, he stares at Donghyuck’s with confusion. “What’s so important?” he asks. 

 

Someone else walks into the bathroom and awkwardly looks at both of them before running into a stall. It’s Jeno’s intimidating stare that runs him off. Curse his Resting Bitch Face. Donghyuck wishes he had one. Jeno doesn’t deserve his because he’s this soft, mushy, nice guy. Totally unfair. 

 

“Nothing,” Donghyuck laughs airily. “I was just bored and missed your pretty face.” 

 

Jeno gives him a blank stare and starts to move out of the door. Donghyuck holds him back with a light grip to the wrist and pulls him back. He hops down the sinks and takes a deep breath. He actually did have something important on his mind and he had to share it with someone. Jeno was the best option because he actually knew how to keep a secret. Jaemin was too much of a blabber mouth and Renjun just likes to start drama. Jeno, on the other hand, actually respects secrecy. 

 

“No, it’s about the band,” he adds carefully. Jeno’s face becomes more serious at the mention of their band. 

 

“What about it?” 

 

Donghyuck fiddles with Jeno’s bead bracelet and charms. It was the one Renjun made for him with alphabet beads. He always wore it, even when they have beef. 

 

“We need a new guitarist,” he states matter of factly. Jeno’s eyebrows raise. “With Mark leaving, we can’t go on.” 

 

Jeno’s state of confusion rises and Donghyuck wishes his friend wasn’t so slow with responses sometimes. He’s processing it all while looking like a Microsoft loading screen. When his mouth opens to say something, a toilet flushes and the awkward guy comes out. He looks at both of them and then at the sink, which they were blocking. They both apologize quickly before Donghyuck leads them to the larger handicap stall. 

 

“Graduation is still nine months away,” Jeno states once inside. “We still have time?”

 

Donghyuck looks at Jeno like he’s stupid. “You really think Mark’s gonna continue practicing and playing shows with us?” he points out. “Jeno, he quit the band.” 

 

“Well, he just said he was leaving after graduation,” he sighs. “Look, you’re emotional and you guys are fighting, or something. Just cool down and maybe he might just change his mind about the whole thing.”

 

Jeno’s smart, they all know this. Donghyuck knows this, but sometimes he can be a real idiot at times. This is that time. 

 

“You really think Mark cares about the band?” he asks, voice filled with anger. “He doesn’t care about us anymore. He just wants to move to Cali and toss us away like we mean nothing.”

 

Jeno’s eyes soften and he holds Donghyuck’s hand because it shakes. He didn’t even notice.

 

“Hyuck,” he starts, “you’re overthinking this. Just because Mark’s leaving doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about us. We should be supporting him.”

 

Donghyuck considers Jeno’s words. He looks at his friend and quickly acts before he thinks. He rips his hand out of Jeno’s hand and escapes the bathroom before he can say anything else. 

 

First period is over in two minutes and Donghyuck enters the classroom when everyone’s up and talking to each other, catching up on summer drama. He sits back in his seat and slumps back. He’s sad and his mood is ruined. Maybe he should have kept that thought to himself. Maybe Jeno wasn’t the right person to tell. He’s too sympathetic and understanding. So, Donghyuck figures out the next person he has to tell is Renjun. 

 

They have second period studio art together and sit next to each other right off the start. At the square table, nobody dares to join their table. Except for this unknowing freshman. Renjun tells him to scram and that solves that. 

 

They’re doing sketchbook warm ups when the class starts slowly. The teacher said introductions were useless and gave them a few prompts before returning to her desk. Renjun talks about how annoying Jeno has been, but Donghyuck doesn’t listen. 

 

“Have you thought about the band recently?” he interrupts. 

 

Renjun stops mid sentence and glares. “We just had a set on Friday, of course I’ve been thinking,” he says. “Not to mention, Mark totally dropped a bomb on us on Sunday.” He rolls his eyes just the slightest. 

 

So they were on the same page. This was good. Mutual frustration towards Mark. Donghyuck can work with this.

 

“I’m thinking about looking for a new guitarist,” he brings up suddenly. 

 

The chinese boy looks slightly taken back, blinking rapidly before laughing. Donghyuck looks at him strangely and waits for him to finish.

 

“Replace Mark?” he laughs out. “Please, you’re too obsessed with that loser to even consider anyone else for the job.”

 

Donghyuck moves his mouth like a goldfish, scrambling to say something in response, but nothing comes up. He’s flustered. He can feel the heat warming up his cheeks and Renjun pokes at them teasingly. 

 

“You’re blushing,” he sing-songs. Donghyuck continues to glare. “Be real, Hyuck.” 

 

“I am!” he defends. “How can we move on if we don’t have a guitarist?”

 

Renjun has tried to change Donghyuck’s mind on many occasions, but now it won’t be that easy. Donghyuck’s mad and feeling betrayed. He’s going to follow this through to the very end. If Mark can decide so quickly to leave, Donghyuck can replace him just as quick. 

 

“Okay,” Renjun softly agrees. He gives up on trying to change his mind so quickly it’s almost strange. “I’ll tell people, I guess.” 

 

For the rest of the class, they didn’t say a word to each other. 

  
  
  
  


He shares his lunch period with Renjun and Jaemin, which he’s thankful for. It makes going through the day a whole lot more bearable. It’s the first day and they choose their table carefully. Somewhere towards the middle of the cafeteria is always the best bet. Donghyuck suggested they should have been closer to the lunch line, but Renjun told him to stop being stupid. 

 

Most kids at their school note their sort of underground fame. Donghyuck has had weird interactions with people who recognize their music. Everybody knows they’re kind of famous and at times he kind of feels like Hannah Montana, which is super weird. The occasional compliment and nod towards their success is always welcomed. Sometimes people overdo it, though. 

 

Like right now. 

 

Four girls come giggling their way, hair all dolled up for the first day of school, outfits clean and perfectly strategized. Donghyuck takes it they’re freshmen. They move close together, pushing each other and pointing towards the three boys. One girl is being pushed more than the rest of them and they can all tell what’s about to happen. 

 

Renjun pretends to gag while Jaemin’s smirk grows each second. He loves shit like this. 

 

“Hi,” the one girl with a red scrunchy and blonde curly hair squeaks out. Her friends squeal and hold onto each other. “We just wanted to say that we love your music and we’re such big fans.”   
  


Donghyuck looks over at Renjun and then back at her. It’s weird interactions like this that make Donghyuck consider homeschooling. It’s not like they’re One Direction famous level. More like soundcloud and twitter famous. It rarely ever happens like this. 

 

“Thank you,” Jaemin says slowly in that  _ one  _ voice. That  _ one  _ voice he uses when he sees a pretty person. It works because Jaemin’s a pretty person, too. It’s frustrating because he just knows that it works. 

 

The girls fangirl some more before the brunette one steps up and nearly shouts, “Jaemin, I love you.” 

 

“I love you too,” he says back, giving her a kissy face and blowing the kiss towards her. She squeals and her friends follow after her. He chuckles in response before waving towards them as they walk away. 

 

They keep looking back as they head towards their own table near the other freshmen. Donghyuck wants to roll his eyes, but he just fakely smiles and waves his fingers around. 

 

“Oh. My. God,” Renjun says with his jaw dropped. “You are such an attention whore. You don’t even try to hide it!” they laugh together for a moment. 

 

Donghyuck eats his peanut butter sandwich silently as they converse with each other some more. He’s contemplating on whether or not to tell Jaemin, but he’s already told Jeno and Renjun, so he believes Jaemin deserves to know as well. He is a part of the band after all. Hyuck just doesn’t know how he’s going to react. 

 

“We’re replacing Mark,” he states suddenly. 

 

Jaemin’s infectious laughter dies off weakly and his smile is nearly wiped off his face. His perfect eyebrows are drawn together and he looks confused, just as Jeno was. Renjun is seen covering his face with his palms as he waits for the whole conversation to be over. He pretends not to be there as he silently waits. 

 

Meanwhile, Donghyuck is waiting for a reaction. He doesn’t expect much, but when Jaemin totally blows off his head at the news, he’s a little more than surprised. 

 

“Mark’s going to California, not dying,” he snaps. “I was gonna tell you Johnny booked us a show on Friday again, but I guess with Mark out we can’t.” 

 

“Exactly my point!” he counters. “Mark won’t play shows with us anymore, so we need to find someone else.” 

 

Jaemin scoffs and rolls his eyes obviously. It nearly pains him to listen to Donghyuck. “God, you’re so stupid sometimes,” he mutters. “He’s still in the band, idiot.” 

 

Donghyuck shakes his head. “No he’s not. I’m kicking him out.” 

 

“Graduation is still months away,” he groans. “What do you mean you’re kicking him out? You can’t do that.” 

 

“Yes, I can and I’m doing it,” states Donghyuck. “What happens when June comes around, huh?”

 

Jaemin stays silent and keeps his mouth tightly shut. He runs a frustrated hand through his carmel hair and sighs harshly. He mumbles an insult under his breath, but Donghyuck chooses not to hear it. He pretends like Jaemin didn’t just call him a two-brain celled-bitch. 

 

“What are we supposed to do then?” he states again. 

 

It’s so early in the lunch period that they can’t rely on the bell to escape this terrible conversation. Donghyuck should have just kept his mouth shut, but he’s never been quite good at that. 

 

“You’re being a real bitch. You know that?” Jaemin says with a blank face before getting up and heading towards nowhere in particular. 

 

He turns towards Renjun, who chews on his noodles. Fucking weirdo chews on his noodles. Donghyuck gives him a pleading look, but his friend just shrugs an continues eating his lunch. 

 

Maybe he is being a big bitch, but Mark hurt him. He hurt him so much that he still aches a day later. Would it have been better if Mark had just told them a week before actually leaving? Would it have been better if he had never told them at all? Would Donghyuck feel so betrayed? He would most likely feel just as shitty as he does now. Probably. 

 

Donghyuck admits he’s being a real big bitch, but he won’t change anything about it. 

 

-

 

Tuesday. 

 

They practice on Tuesdays. They check up on new songs and go over songs they can play in their sleep. They practice on Tuesdays at Jaemin’s house every week. It doesn’t matter if they spend four of the five hours together just eating and talking, they practice. The one thing they have going for them is determination and drive. 

 

It doesn't matter how long they practice for it’s just about practicing that makes them have that drive. The drive to do better and to improve with each show. No matter how big or small the show it, they will always be ready to bring their best. It’s just how they work. It’s how they got so good.  

 

“One, two, three, four,” Jeno counts with his drum, tapping the beat. 

 

They go into the song pretty normally. The only difference is that Renjun is on the guitar this time. Mark never showed up. They gave him an hour before Donghyuck said fuck it and started practice without him. 

 

Donghyuck sings about falling in love and being happy, but he doesn’t feel it. He feels drained and heart broken. It’s going through the motions by this point. His singing has no emotion or feel behind it. He just hits the notes and stands weakly behind the microphone. 

 

They’re doing pretty okay until Renjun messes up a chord. And then another one. And then again. And again. He keeps messing up the melody before Donghyuck gets frustrated and snaps around. He’s fuming and Renjun stops playing, cutting everybody off. Jaemin stops as well and pauses the background recordings. Jeno stops, but his cymbals can still be heard quietly crashing. With wide eyes, he grabs onto the sounding instrument and holds it. 

 

The room is silent. Everybody is watching Donghyuck and waiting for him to say something so they can continue practice, but he never does. He stays silent, hands on hips and glare set on Renjun. 

 

“Your playing is for shit,” he insults. 

 

Renjun scowls and removes the guitar strap from his body. He places the blue electric guitar on its stand before he’s stomping towards Donghyuck, getting up in his face. 

 

“You know I’m not a guitar player and you know I just started learning,” he starts. “Yet, you still have us playing one of our more difficult songs.” 

 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and walks towards the mini fridge. He pulls out a redbull and sips on it before saying, “Mark can play it.” 

 

Renjun scoffs. “In case you haven’t noticed,” he challenges, “I’m not Mark.” 

 

The others stay quiet, looking at each other in worry. Their eyes are wide as they wait for something to happen. If that something is bad then everything’s going to go to shit. Jeno taps his foot anxiously and Jaemin starts to look towards the door to exit the situation. 

 

Renjun and Donghyuck have fought before. It’s just their personalities that clash too many times. Donghyuck’s pride usually bumps into Renjun’s confidence. They get along well, but when Donghyuck gets bitchy and tired, it’s all out chaos. 

 

“Obviously,” he mutters. “Mark actually knows how to play barre chords.” 

 

“Do you want to fight?” 

 

Jaemin walks up to them in a hurry and gently places a hand on Renjun’s back. “I think it’ll be best if we just take a break, yeah?” 

 

The two continue to glare at each other, but the situation is slightly dulled. Donghyuck stays in the corner with his arms crossed. He tries to focus on breathing and calming himself down. Snapping at Renjun like that was completely uncalled for. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him. He shouldn’t get mad at Renjun for not knowing how to play an instrument. He should be mad at Mark for never showing up in the first place. 

 

Suddenly when things seemed to have settled down, someone enters the door and they all look up to see who it is. The door opens to show Mark. Donghyuck had just calmed down. 

 

“Sorry,” he apologizes and pushes back his brown hair with a cap. “I was talking with your brother, Hyuck.” He calls him Hyuck as if they’re on good terms, or something. He’s acting so casually it’s frustrating. 

 

He raises an eyebrow in response. “My brother?” he asks. “What were you doing with my brother?” 

 

Mark takes a deep breath in and looks around the familiar room. “Just working on some new songs for my EP,” he admits. His words are mumbled and quiet. 

 

He’s been working with Donghyuck’s brother, Taeyong. They’ve made songs together and worked together before, but it was always for the band. Now that Mark tells him he’s doing it for some solo work, Hyuck can’t help but feel betrayed by his own brother. He’s been betrayed by everyone by now. And it’s only Tuesday. 

 

“That’s great, bro,” says Jeno, breaking the silence in the room. “Hope it does good.” 

 

Donghyuck is tempted to say the same kind words, but he remembers he’s mad at Mark and stays silent. On a normal occasion, he would hype him up and be his number one supporter. Things are different now. 

 

“Well, let’s start practice,” he mutters, walking back towards the mic without looking at Mark. “We have a gig on Friday.” 

 

The others carefully get to their instruments. It’s so awkward in the room and they all hate it. The last time it was this bad was when Renjun and Jeno were fighting a couple weeks ago, but this was ten times worse. This was a lot more serious than Jeno eating the last grape popsicle. 

 

Mark starts fiddling with his guitar and Donghyuck looks over his shoulder to take a quick glance. At that quick second, Mark looks up and smiles softly at him. For all the strange reasons, Donghyuck starts to blush. He ignores it all and focuses on the task at hand. 

 

Why was he mad at Mark? Oh yeah, because he broke a promise. He broke it because he had an offer to pursue his dream and start something he has always dreamt about. 

 

Oh shit, he’s starting to feel bad about getting mad now. 

 

“Let’s go over My First and Last, yeah?” he says into the mic, the echoes filling the room. 

 

The synths start with Renjun and their classic bedroom pop sound starts. Donghyuck sways with the glittery tones of the song. With all the shit that’s going on with the band, this is something he can fall back on. At the moment, he only thinks about the cool tones of his song. A song he wrote with Mark. 

 

Oh fuck, now he’s thinking about that asshole again. 

 

“ _ Wherever I am, even when I’m dreaming, _ ” he sings with his eyes closed, “ _ to me, it’s only you _ .” 

 

They finish the song and it’s quiet in the room for a few short seconds before Donghyuck turns around towards his bandmates. He sighs and faces Renjun first. His friend sits behind the keyboard and beat boards. He stares blankly at the orange haired boy and quirks an eyebrow when Donghyuck opens his mouth. He can’t take this awkwardness any further; he has to apologize now.

 

“I’m sorry that I’m such a bitch,” he apologizes gently, “and I’m sorry that I called you a shithead.” He exhales loudly and visibly deflates. 

 

“You called me a shithead?” Renjun asks. 

 

“Well not really, but I thought about it.” 

 

The room eases down just the slightest, but there’s still that awkward tension that’s holding everybody back. Over the course of three days, so many things had gone to shit. All things had gone wrong from that awful pool party on Sunday to this terrible practice. Donghyuck just wanted everything to go back to normal. He doesn’t like hating Mark. 

 

One good thing came out of yelling at Renjun. He figured out they really can’t do anything without Mark. He was the pillar of their band and knew how to handle everything. It didn’t hurt that he knew how to play the guitar better than anybody they know. It’ll be hard losing him. 

 

Donghyuck turns towards Mark. The boy with the light brown hair simply waits and says nothing at all. 

 

“I’m sorry that I got so mad,” he confesses. “It wasn’t fair. I should support you. You’re my best friend, and how I reacted wasn’t cool.” 

 

Mark chews on his bottom lip and he keeps staring. His eyes are devoid of emotions. Donghyuck just wants to see a reaction because this took a lot out of him and Mark better say something. 

 

“Okay,” he responds weakly, “let’s go over Pretty Boy.” Mark picks at the strings and turns around to mess with the amp. 

 

He acts so casually about the apology that Donghyuck worries it’s a bit too casual. This petty drama had been strung up for barely three days and it’s over just like that. When he doesn’t move to start the song, Mark looks up with a soft smile and shrugs. 

 

“It’s okay, Hyuck,” he kindly says. His soft smile reassures Donghyuck because it shows his genuine forgiveness. 

 

Now he feels even worse for being mad at his best friend because Mark’s so nice and forgiving. Meanwhile, Donghyuck’s the biggest petty bitch in the whole world. It’s really messing him up. 

 

“Great loving, tender moment,” Renjun quips in a mocking voice. “Now that we’re done all that, can we please get going?” 

 

They fall back into it and everything seems to go back to normal. It’s nice

 

-

 

Come Friday, they’re back to their old routines and right about to start another show. Donghyuck loves this time. The butterflies and nerves that buzz around in his tummy right before he goes on. It’s exhilarating and the feeling is similar to waiting in line to go on a monster roller coaster, except ten times worse. It’s worse, but Donghyuck embraces it. 

 

So, they’re in the back of Jeno’s van and letting go of those loose nerves. 

 

Renjun gets it the worst. He’s puking out on some bush next to them, complaining about how nervous he is and it’s disgusting. Jaemin’s outside comforting him and rubbing his back and all that nice stuff. Meanwhile, the three rest of them are passing a joint around nonchalantly. 

 

“Ever think he’s gonna stop doing that?” Jeno asks, motioning towards Renjun’s hunched body. 

 

The boy groans out a nice  _ fuck you _ to Jeno before throwing up again. Donghyuck takes a drag while looking over at his distressed friend. Jaemin continues to be a comforting hand. 

 

“Are you guys just gonna sit there?” he angrily questions. Jaemin’s running a hand through Renjun’s black hair as he glares at them. Looking so angry while being so caring is scary even for Jaemin, who looks like an actual carebear. 

 

“He does this every time,” Donghyuck laughs, “he’ll be fine.” 

 

Jaemin glares even harder and stands to grab a water bottle. “You’re all the worst.” 

 

Jeno fake cries and exaggerates his whines. The younger just glares even harder and threatens to slap Jeno across the face if he doesn’t stop. The rest laugh even Renjun, who was still dying next to a bush. 

 

When Jeno draws it out a bit too much, Mark taps him on the bicep and motions him to stop. His easy smile avoids any confrontation. Out of all of them, Mark’s probably the only one who can calm Jeno down. The show starts soon, so Jeno gets rowdier and rowdier, looking for any excuse to punch someone in the face. Thankfully, they have Mark around so no punches are thrown. 

 

“We’re on in ten,” he points out. “Let’s give it our all.”

 

Mark rarely got nerves. He lead them all during times like this. Even though Donghyuck’s the main vocalist, Mark has a lot more power as the main guitarist. With the doors already opened, they all hop out of the van. Once everybody’s out, he slams the doors shut and prepares for the night to come. 

 

Donghyuck reapplies his purple glitter eyeshadow and sighs heavily when he looks at his reflection in the mirror. His purple top complements his hair nicely. As an afterthought, he fluffs his orange hair and smiles with confidence. He knows he looks good tonight, his confidence overflowing. 

 

Meanwhile, Mark struggles with buttoning up his shirt next to him. Donghyuck looks over and loses his breath. At times, he forgets how attractive his best friend really is and it catches his off guard. His light brown hair is messy as it always is and Donghyuck is tempted to run a hand through it, just to mess it up even more.

 

“Let me help, you incompetent loser,” he laughs lightly, buttoning the shirt up properly. 

 

Mark watches Donghyuck intently and if it wasn’t for the poor bathroom lighting, Donghyuck might have just seen a faint blush form on Mark’s cheeks. He ignores it and continues to button up the remaining buttons in a hurry. His own fingers buzz under the older’s stare. 

 

When their eyes meet once he’s done, they both hold their breaths. 

 

“I’m gonna miss you,” Mark whispers, almost like he’s afraid of anyone else hearing them, wanting his statement to only belong to Donghyuck. 

“Don't have too much fun without me in Cali,” he teases in response. 

 

The moment is ruined when a worker comes to announce all of the systems are ready. The group hurries over backstage with cheers and hollers, releasing the last remaining jitters. A small concert with no more than three hundred people feels a lot more stressful than it should. 

 

“Let’s fuckin’ kill it,” Renjun encourages in their pre-show huddle. 

 

They put their hands in the middle like some kids before a game and cheer loudly. Outside in the small venue, kids shout their band’s name. 

 

They go out first while Donghyuck stays behind. All of them check their instruments one last time and get ready for Donghyuck’s big entrance. The crowd is already going wild and his heart beats faster and faster. He can’t keep up.

 

Backstage, the lights are all down and he fiddles with his in-ears. Breath heavy, he starts to feel that stomach wrenching feeling. The song starts with Renjun’s synths, the blue lights shine, an empty microphone stands and Donghyuck is running onto stage. 

 

“How’s it going tonight?” he shouts into the microphone. 

 

The song kicks in and the music is going through his ears, but the crowd is louder. He dances to their more upbeat song and takes the mic off from the stand. His stage presence explodes and the people in the front grab onto his hand right when he extends it. 

 

“ _ Reality is a dream and dreams are like a reality _ ,” he sings to their 80’s inspired pop song. Renjun harmonizes with him beautifully and he remembers how good they are. 

 

With these fans in front of him, he feels loved. The crowd moves and dances with him. It’s electric and addicting, the feeling of singing in front of crowds will never change. 

 

During Mark’s guitar solo, he removes his in-ears and begins the introductions. 

 

“How’s everyone doing?” he asks. His question is followed by a collection of shouts and cheers from fans. “Alright, let me introduce you to the band.” 

 

Jeno kicks in with his drums and he smiles widely when Donghyuck gestures towards him. They’re all happy like this. In this moment, they are content. 

 

“On drums we got Jeno,” he states. Then, he points towards Jaemin beside him. “Jaemin on bass.” The crowd goes nuts and cheer even louder than they did for Jeno. 

 

He laughs into the mic at the obvious favoritism and continues. “Renjun works the boards. Sometimes he sings, too,” he states playfully. “Mark, you’re the guitarist, and I’m Donghyuck.” 

 

Impossibly, the crowd grows louder. 

 

“And we’re The Dreamers.” 

  
  


-

 

The show ends smoothly. Some technical difficulties occurred and Donghyuck voiced his very obvious frustration. They had to repeat songs, but the crowd loved it. It was still fun, so that’s all that matters. 

 

They’re going through their usual clean up, but instead of rushing home like they usually would, they head to the nearest 24 hour diner. In the city, it’s darker and murkier, but they light up the streets with their laughs and hectic behavior. They act like a couple of high school boys, stupid and reckless. 

 

Jaemin and Jeno are having a chugging contest with milkshakes. It’s so stupid because Jaemin’s lactose intolerant and he’s going to be shitting the whole ride home. Renjun takes snaps of the whole ordeal. Donghyuck nearly shoots his chocolate milkshake out of his nose when Jaemin nearly chokes. 

 

The diner is empty besides them and a tired worker sleeping against the counter. They’re loud and having the time of their lives. Things get quieter once they finish their milkshakes. He still chews on his cold cheesy fries. The radio overhead plays a quiet pop song and it’s lulling him to sleep. 

 

“I had a lot of fun tonight, guys,” Renjun confesses suddenly. The once fun atmosphere turns loving and soft. 

 

Of course, Jaemin is the first to notice the change. He laughs lightly and looks at all of them with a smirk. “We getting deep and serious now?” he jokingly asks. “You drink a bit on your way here, Junnie?” 

 

“Shut the fuck up,” he grumbles right back, shoving him out of their booth. 

 

Donghyuck laughs loudly, which cause the rest of them to join him in boisterous laughter. Jaemin simply pouts on the floor, rubbing his sore side. The laughter dies down and he rests his head on Mark’s shoulder to close his eyes. 

 

“I love you guys,” he whispers. Everybody hears his soft whisper and Jeno coos teasingly. “I’m serious. I don’t know what I would do without you guys.” 

 

“I was thinking,” Mark announces suddenly. 

 

“That’s shocking. I didn’t know you could do that,” Renjun mumbles, earning him a fry to the face from Mark. 

 

Donghyuck opens his eyes and slightly looks up to admire Mark’s features. When he feels the familiar warm blushing feeling bloom, he looks the other way and pays attention to the sleeves of his friend’s sweater. He busies himself by playing with the loose threads. 

 

“We should look for a new guitarist,” Mark announces somberly. Donghyuck’s heart tightens and wonders if this means something. He wonders if this is the end and Mark is cutting the ties earlier than promised. But Mark continues. “We could use two guitars.” 

 

They all collectively stare blankly, not knowing how to respond. Donghyuck remains resting on Mark’s shoulder and tries to rest his eyes as well as his racing heart. 

 

“Plus, um,” he adds, “if you guys wanna continue once I’m gone then it’d be better to know them now. You know, build the bond or whatever.” Mark chews on lip again and it starts to bleed. This obviously took a lot out of him and Donghyuck is feeling sorry for him. 

 

Not only are they losing him, he’s leaving behind everything. Last time Donghyuck checked, Mark knows about two people in California and he worries if his friend will be okay without them. It’s a thought for later. 

 

“I don’t wanna replace you,” Donghyuck confesses softly, lifting his head from the older’s shoulder. Their eyes meet and they can feel the sincerity coming from Hyuck’s words. 

 

Mark opens his mouth to speak, but Jeno beats him. “We’ll never replace you,” he says. “We’ll just have a new addition to the team,” he shrugs. 

 

“Yeah,” Mark breathes out with an easy smile, “a new addition.” 

 

As a team, they all make the decision to search for the sixth member, and it was the start of something completely new. 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. fall

 

 

 

_FALL_

 

Donghyuck’s favorite season is autumn.

 

He loves the changing leaves and the cool weather that comes with the season. Halloween is also a part of that time, which makes it ten times better.

 

So when the weather turns cooler and the candy starts to sell, things get exciting. From homecoming to the piles of schoolwork, Donghyuck can’t seem to rest. None of them can rest, which is why Tuesday practice has been cancelled for three weeks in a row.

 

He tugs at his hair when he gets stuck on a math question, groaning loudly when he realizes he didn’t write down any notes for the topic. A quick glance at his phone that sits on his bed and he’s off texting. Distracted by social media and interactions on twitter, he forgets all about his homework.

 

Thirty minutes pass and he curses when he checks the time. At eleven p.m, he texts Mark about his difficult homework. He complains until Mark texts him to shut up, leaving his last text on read.

 

“Fuck pre-calc,” he mumbles to himself as he stares at the complicated equations.

 

Another thirty minutes pass and it’s now over midnight. He’s given up on trying to solve the last ten questions. On his bed, he scrolls further throughout twitter. He’s calmly resting on his bed, eyes growing tired with every second. Everything is chill until he hears several taps on his window.

 

“What the fuck,” he screeches when he hears the first tap. He nearly jumps out of bed and his heart definitely jumps out of his chest.

 

With a small amount of courage, Donghyuck pulls back the curtains to his window and lets out a sigh of relief when he finds it’s just Mark. He opens the window, the chilly weather getting into his warm room.

 

“I come bearing gifts,” Mark announced in a loud whisper, “my great knowledge in pre-calc, top tier snacks and some cheap weed.”

 

Donghyuck grabs the plastic baggie and kisses his friend’s cheek. Mark pretends to hate it by wiping a hand across the wet spot.

 

“You scared the shit out of me,” he chuckles out, shoving the other slightly away.

 

“You called for help and now I’m here,” Mark says with a wide grin.

 

He hops onto the bed with his shoes still on and Donghyuck takes all of his strength to throw him off. The older hits the floor with a groan, and Donghyuck throws his math homework down to him.

 

“Help me with these problems,” he mutters, going back on his phone.

 

Mark looks at the homework and scoffs. “You want me to help you or do all the work?” he asks sarcastically, already knowing the answer.

 

Donghyuck pouts over towards his friend and tries to act cute, but it doesn’t work. “I’ll love you forever,” he tries.

 

Mark just laughs and starts to solve the questions easily. “All of these are so simple,” he says. “What got you so stumped?”

 

“I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t take notes because I was too busy staring out the window,” he explains.

 

Mark simply chuckles and zooms through all ten remaining questions, as if it was as easy as multiplying. That one has always been smart, Mark just has it. He’s in all the honor classes, which is why Donghyuck rarely ever had a class with him. His senior status has him ten steps ahead of Donghyuck, and it’s obvious he can go very far in life.

 

He can go far in academics and obtain a practical job that gives good paying money. Mark could sit in an office, make money, maybe meet a nice girl and start a family. But Mark was never one to like normalcy. His imagination and creativity drew him too far apart from the academic scene. Sure, he’ll keep the good grades and remain in the honors society, but he needs much more than that.

 

Donghyuck found this out very quickly in their friendship, which is why Mark was so enthusiastic to join the band. It was because he finally found it, the one thing that could hold him down. He was the last to join, the band desperate for a guitarist two years ago. None of them knew what it was that had Mark, the popular cute guy, joining their group in such a hurry. Mark knew. It was Donghyuck’s voice, but the younger doesn’t have to know that.

 

The thing about Mark is that he’s almost like everybody else in town, but he’s also much different. He’s popular, people love him and he’s on the varsity lacrosse team. He fits in just well with the school’s crowd, but he is nothing like them at the same time.

 

He values friendship and cries while watching rom-coms and doesn’t leak girls’ nudes. That separates him far from everybody else. He’s different in a way Hyuck, Jaemin, Renjun, and Jeno can never be.

 

Donghyuck would be lying if he said Mark didn’t join the band because of his ugly freshman crush. That crush still grows. Unfortunately. Because Mark’s easy to love. You don’t have to think too much about it. You just do.

 

Which is exactly why Donghyuck hates him.

 

“All done,” Mark declares with a smile.

 

It’s now past midnight. It’s Tuesday and Donghyuck has to wake up in five hours, but Mark’s here in his prescription glasses and university sweater. So, he forces his eyes open and tries to stay awake for as long as Mark’s here in his presence.

 

“So you brought me food and weed _and_ did my homework,” he jokes. “My knight in shining armor.”

 

“Thought that was the least I could do,” Mark replies as he rolls one.

 

“Well, I think I might just love you,” he jokes back. Mark just laughs stiffly. He lets it slide.

 

They leisurely pass it back in forth until their eyes are red and their hearts are light. It’s late and a school night, but neither of them care.

 

“No, I’m serious,” Mark giggles out when he explains the simulation theory. “Think about it! Why do we get deja vu? It’s because the simulation is glitching.”

 

Donghyuck laughs so hard that his side hurts and Mark just stutters and laughs along with him, still explaining the theory incoherently.

 

“That kind of makes sense,” he confesses through laughs.

 

“See!” Mark whisper-yells. “This is the shit we have to worry about.”

 

Eventually the laughter dies down and the serious conversations start to resurface. It’s not on purpose. Donghyuck doesn’t try to kill the mood. It just happens along with other things.

 

“Lately, all I’ve been worrying about is the band,” Donghyuck mumbles, chewing on his sour licorice.

 

Mark coughs and turns to face Donghyuck. They’re so close on his Star Wars themed bed that he can smell the watermelon sour patch kids Mark had earlier.

 

“You don’t have to worry anymore,” he whispers.

 

Donghyuck wants to believe him.

 

He falls asleep with a heavy heart.

  
  


The next morning, he’s tired and barely walking. Staying up until four a.m on a school night is never a smart idea, but of course Donghyuck had to be dumb about it. He woke up with a groan and got up slowly from his empty bed. He had sworn Mark was right next to him when he last saw him.

 

He opens his phone and finds a text from Mark that simply states he got home safe. Donghyuck gets ready for school silently, careful to not disturb his parents. He gets himself breakfast and waits for Jeno to pick him up. With five minutes to spare, he picks at his oatmeal while scrolling through twitter like the morning paper. He interacts with fans and checks on older posts.

 

“Get in, loser!” he hears a loud shout from outside.

 

In a hurry he grabs his orange jansport bag and sprints out of there. Jeno’s there with his dad’s pickup truck.

 

“What happened to your hot van?” Donghyuck asks once inside the large truck.

 

“Dad’s working on it in the shop,” Jeno answers, pulling out of the driveway.

 

Jeno is still sixteen and barely has his license. His family owns the town’s mechanic shop, so he gets a free pass. Totally unfair if you ask him.

 

When they get to school, Jeno darts to his first period class, leaving Donghyuck alone at the quad. He does this lame naruto run that only Jeno can make look cool. He still looks lame, but when you’re hot like that everything passes.

 

He walks alone to his first period. When he walks up the steps to the second floor, he’s stopped by a strong grip to his forearm. He’s about to curse at whoever touched him, but he falls silent when he sees who it is.

 

“I found him,” Renjun states blankly.

 

“What?” Donghyuck says in confusion.

 

“Our new guitarist.”

 

-

 

“You’re telling me,” Donghyuck starts, “he’s a sophomore and just moved here from Connecticut.”

 

“He sounds lame already,” Jaemin lightly jokes with a small laugh.  

 

They’re in Jeno’s garage, all waiting for this new kid to show up at his doorstep. When Renjun told them to meet at Jeno’s place, they were all very confused. Was this kid going to audition, or something? They had hoped finding a new guitarist would feel a lot more organic. It feels a lot more organized and planned than they wanted.

 

Renjun said the kid would show up at five, but he’s already forty minutes late. Donghyuck hates waiting for someone because that’s what he does and being on the opposite end of tardiness stinks. So, he sits irritated, tapping his foot away as he wait. To his left, Jeno and Jaemin are conversing amongst each other while the rest of the group fall silent. They don’t seem to bother waiting. Donghyuck wishes he could relate.

 

“Is he even coming?” Mark asks curiously.

 

Renjun sighs dramatically and checks his phone. “He’s just running a little bit late, okay? He had to get a ride from his mom, but she forgot. He’s coming now,” he explains.

 

“Oh gosh, we’re gonna have a baby on the team,” Donghyuck complains.

 

A few minutes pass and a loud knock and slam of the door is heard. The group all turn their heads together to see who had barged in so loudly.

 

It was the kid.

 

He stood there with bleached blonde hair (it was terrible and obviously dead). His sweatshirt was bigger than his whole body, but he stood tall. He hunched over awkwardly as tall people usually do when they’re uncomfortable with their height. He was definitely taller than all of them. His cheeks were red from the cold and his small eyes widened when he notices all the stares directed towards him.

 

“Hi,” he awkwardly starts with a small wave, “I’m Jisung.”

 

Donghyuck is the first to say something, “Oh. My. God,” he scowls. “This is the kid you recruited?”

 

Renjun gets up and smiles kindly at the kid, Jisung. The tall boy relaxes, but his smile remains tight. He’s obviously uncomfortable and Donghyuck is not helping him. Meanwhile, Renjun is trying his best to act nice and offers him a La Croix. The kid actually accepts it and drinks it without a wince. Donghyuck automatically rules him out. He will not have another La Croix person in his band.

 

“I’m Mark,” he kindly says, his welcoming smile on display. “I’m the other guitarist. You’re from Connecticut, right? My brother goes to school there.”

 

Jisung chuckles awkwardly and he just nods. The other guys introduce themselves and Jisung relaxes visibly. Donghyuck finds himself endeared very quickly, but he reminds himself about the situation. He’s hesitant. How can someone so quiet and introverted explode on stage? What if he lacks stage presence? All of these questions run through his mind very quickly, and he decides to give him a chance.

 

“I’m Donghyuck,” he says as he stands up from the couch. “Play something for us,” he demands. He gestures towards the blue electric guitar.

 

Jisung shifts on his feet and walks towards the guitar. He looks stiff under Donghyuck’s judgemental eye. With careful movements, he gets himself ready and starts to lightly strum the guitar. Donghyuck sits back on the couch and watches with the others.

 

It’s a slow start. He starts hesitant and the atmosphere has to be uncomfortable. The kid’s at some random older kid’s house while he plays in front of complete strangers. He’s got some guts, Donghyuck will give him that.

 

But then the song kicks in. It’s intense and Jisung morphs into a completely different person. He blonde bangs cover his concentrated eyes and his brows scrunch together as he moves his fingers at an impossible pace. Beside Donghyuck, Mark is smirking, nodding his head along, impressed. The awkward tall boy that had walked in a couple minutes ago was gone and this monster had taken his place.

 

Jisung was a monster. That’s the only word Donghyuck had to describe Jisung’s playing style. He wonders if Jisung’s a bit too advance for their bedroom pop songs. The song he was playing so perfectly was “Battery” by Metallica. Donghyuck recognized it because of his brother’s love for 80’s rock, and the song choice made him like Jisung a little bit more.

 

He finishes with a last short chord, his long fingers stopping. The tall boy lets out a loud relieved sigh and smiles when he looks at the mini crowd. The boys are all looking at him in awe and Mark’s the first to start slowly clapping.

 

“That was so sick, dude,” he compliments with a wide grin. “Where’d you learn to play like that?”

 

“My dad taught me when I was real little,” Jisung explains. “Been playing ever since.”

 

Mark nods, clearly impressed. Jisung blushed at the obvious awe the older boys had for him. So he wasn’t used to the attention. Donghyuck took note to that.

 

“You’re in,” Jaemin excitedly states.

 

“Woah, woah, wait,” Donghyuck cuts in. “We haven’t talked about this yet.”

 

Jaemin scoffs. “Do we need to talk about it? This kid’s great. I say he’s in.” The rest of the guys agree with him, and Donghyuck is left debating with himself.

 

“Can I talk to you guys outside?” he asks them. “You can stay here, Jisung.”

 

They leave the garage and stand outside next to Mrs. Lee’s rose bush. Behind there, they whisper to each other about the situation. It feels oddly familiar to when they let Mark join the band.

 

“He’s a fucking prodigy,” Renjun whispers. “What’s there to think about?”

 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “His song choice, idiots,” he whisper-yells. “He chose an intense heavy metal song.”

 

Mark snorts. “Metallica is hardly heavy metal.”

 

“Shut up, Mark,” Renjun snaps. “What about it?”

 

“Do we look like a rock band? No, we make chill pop songs,” Donghyuck continues, furthering his point.

 

Jeno looks at him like he’s stupid and he very much does not appreciate that. He’s giving him that look that intimidates everyone and Donghyuck tries his best to imitate that look.

 

“I think he would be a great addition,” Jeno says, his intimidation face dropped into a more neutral one. “Maybe he can even help with our songs.”

 

“Yeah, we have been talking about changing our music a bit,” adds Jaemin.

 

Donghyuck looks incredulously at Jaemin. Out of all of them, he didn’t think Jaemin would be the hardcore rocker type.

 

“His song choice doesn’t mean anything, Hyuck,” Mark carefully says.

 

Donghyuck tries not to be the enemy at this point. All of his friends are insisting by now, wanting Jisung on their team. He doesn’t want to stand in the way and become an obstacle, so he nods in defeat. When the message gets the the boys that Donghyuck is willing to work with the new kid, they grin widely and move to the garage again. With Donghyuck falling behind them, he watches as they welcome Jisung.

 

“How exciting,” he expresses emotionlessly. Jisung smiles hesitantly, but is taken away when Jaemin jumps into a conversation with him.

 

The tall boy no longer looks stiff and awkward from when he first met them twenty minutes ago. Instead, he looks relaxed and happy to be there.

 

When Mark starts the rundown on how their band works and what they do, Donghyuck tries his best to not intervene. He hasn’t spoken a word to the boy the whole time. He was the one to suggest an addition and now he’s wary of his own decision. Donghyuck doesn’t know what it is, but he’s finding it a bit difficult to open up to Jisung. Eventually, he’ll figure it out.

 

“Our practices are on Tuesdays. But now that you’re new and all, we might have to add Wednesdays so you can adjust well to our setlist,” Mark explains helpfully.

 

Jisung nods along and he looks towards Donghyuck in a second. The contact they share is quick, but it’s enough for Donghyuck to warm up to the kid, just the slightest.

 

With a kind smile he stands in front of Jisung and holds out his hand. The younger boy takes his, his large hand eloping his smaller one.

 

“Welcome to The Dreamers.”

 

-

 

The next time Donghyuck sees Jisung is on his way to pre-calc. He’s strolling by on his own in the crowded hallway when he notices the tall boy. In an attempt to get closer to the boy, he jogs slightly to catch up. He bumps into the group of guys in front of him, but he ignores them to get to Jisung.

 

“Hey, little man,” he says upon arrival, arm thrown around the boy’s shoulders. “So, as you must know the Homecoming dance is right around the corner. Of course, we have a gig the same night. Big boohoo.”

 

Jisung nods along, lips tucked into a straight line as he waits for Donghyuck to continue. Not much of a talker, is he? Donghyuck just has to do what he does best, which is talking until the other person figures they have no other choice than to join the conversation.

“Hope you’re not bugged by that,” he adds, “but the big Homecoming game is the night before. We’re going to that and this is me inviting you to hang out with us.”

 

Jisung starts to smile and Donghyuck takes that he’s the first person to make Jisung feel welcomed like this. He considers this a win and puts it into his imaginary good deed jar.

 

“Really?” he says, shocked that Donghyuck’s letting him in the group even further.

 

“You are in the band, right?” Donghyuck points out, taking his arm away to walk in front of Jisung. He turns around so he’s walking backwards, careful not to trip. “That means you hang with us. See you around.”

 

He enters his classroom with a wave towards Jisung and heads straight to his desk. Once seated, he pulls out his phone and sends a quick text to Jaemin. Once it sends, the bell rings and he waits for the teacher like everyone else. When five minutes pass, everybody gets up and walks around to talk to each other. Donghyuck remains in his seat and brings his bag up to take a nap on it.

 

His eyes close and a nap sounds like a great idea. So, he sleeps through pre-calc and again doesn't pay any attention to the lesson. Mark will just have to do his homework again.

  
  


After school, Donghyuck meets up with Mark so he can catch a ride because Jeno was too busy with tutoring freshmen. He strolls up sneakily behind Mark, scaring the older and making him jump slightly.

 

“What’d you do that for?” he sighs out once his heart calms. Donghyuck simply laughs and opens the passenger door.

 

“Let’s go to McDonald’s,” he begs. “I’m hungry and I have very useful coupons.”

 

That convinces Mark enough and then they’re on their way to their local McDonald’s. A short drive and he’s in Mark’s car in the parking lot, mouth filled with chicken nuggets and barbecue sauce. All while listening to Mark’s new mixtape.

 

“What song is this?” he asks when an unfamiliar song starts.

 

“It’s some song I found on Youtube last night,” Mark answers, the hip-hop beat growing louder and louder.

 

Mark’s love for hip-hop will never grow old. How he talks so passionately about new rappers and old school rappers will always make Donghyuck grow fonder. He loves hearing him talk about music. The older is so educated when it comes to music. He can talk for days.  

 

Donghyuck takes a sip of his sprite and sighs. “Your music taste will never fail to shock me.”

 

They listen to the new song together in silence and Donghyuck bops his head along. The song ends and the mood of the mixtape completely changes. Mark had put in old school Taylor Swift. He claims it was her best era as he rocks out to the best song on the Speak Now album.

 

“You invite Jisung to the hoco game with us?” Mark asks when he calms down.

 

“Of course,” he answers. “He looked very shocked. Poor kid probably has like two friends. It’s a shame that he’s stuck with us.”

 

Mark laughs. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means we’re a terrible influence to the youth.”

 

The songs continue to change and it seems like a very messy and unorganized mixtape. Mark’s mixtape usually have to do with something or someone. When he makes a mixtape with old tapes, he oftens labels them with a name, movie or location. But this time it was blank. Donghyuck was left wondering why.

 

“Speaking about homecoming, it’s in two weeks, yeah?” Mark brings up to steer the conversation away. Donghyuck nods. “I was wondering if we could go.”

 

The statement is a little too vague for Donghyuck’s last two brain cells and it takes awhile to comprehend what Mark was trying to say. Was he asking him out to homecoming? That couldn’t be the case because Mark didn’t know Donghyuck liked him and he would’ve never known because Donghyuck hadn’t told anybody. Unless, Mark actually does like him and all his rom-com fantasies have finally come true.

 

“Like, as friends or whatever,” Mark adds before he can reply. That was a downer.

 

His face noticeably falls and he covers it up by stuffing two nuggets in his mouth at the same time.

 

“We can’t go to homecoming,” Donghyuck points out. “We have a gig that night.”

 

Mark shifts in his seat. “We can catch the last hour of the dance. Come on, you’ve never been and I want my last homecoming to be with you and the guys.”

 

Donghyuck tries not to get hurt by that last part. _You and the guys._ That’s all Donghyuck will ever be. Just another one of the guys. Mark would never look at him like that, especially when he has two nuggets in his mouth.

 

He looks right at Mark with a soft smile. Mark’s cheesy wide smile takes over his face as he pleads with his eyes. Donghyuck can’t help but feel fond.

 

“Since you bought me McDonald’s,” he sighs, “guess I have to say yes.”

 

Mark cheers and laughter bubbles out of both of them as they drive out of the parking lot and he goes on his way to drop Hyuck off home. They get to the small home after a quick drive and Donghyuck leaves the car with a thank you and a promise to text Mark later. A shy smile is left on his face as he walks away.

 

He’s got an ugly crush on Mark and that’s something he will never tell.

 

-

 

It’s the day of the game and they’re in Mark’s old red corolla. Five people can fit in the car, but six can only work if you squeeze enough. On their way to pick Jisung up, the boys in the back complain about not getting shotgun. Donghyuck sits proudly in the front, his long legs propped onto the dash dangerously.

 

His dirty red converses tap along with the Beyonce song on the radio and tells Mark where to go with the directions in his phone. He drives safely around their small town as they search for Jisung’s house.

 

Once they get there, he parks just outside the small one story house.

 

“I just texted him,” Renjun states. “He’ll be out in a few.”

 

Donghyuck looks fondly at the cute house, small tricycles and toys littering the lawn. Jisung comes running out a second later, nearly tripping on a kids plastic playhouse. Jeno opens the door from inside the car and pats to the spot next to him. Renjun doesn’t look happy on his lap at all, but he smiles kindly at their new friend.

 

“Ready to go?” Mark asks  as he looks back at the crowded back seats. “Jeno, hold onto him tightly. I don’t wanna catch a case.”

 

“Then drive better, asshole,” Renjun snips as he secures Jeno’s arms around his waist.

 

It’s a short drive to their school. The parking lot is crowded and it takes them a while to find a parking space. The rowdy high school kids outside make Donghyuck question why they’re even here.

 

They pile out of the car and make their way to the bleachers together. On the track, the cheerleaders start their routines and people walk around for food and such. Eventually they get to a nice spot near the front. With a nice view of the field, Donghyuck tries not to get himself bored.

 

He stands next to Mark, who’s greeting all of his other friends with weird handshakes and quick jokes. Donghyuck just sighs when he realizes Mark won’t be talking to him any time soon. So, he turns to his right and notices Jisung chewing on some popcorn.

 

“Where’d you get that?” he asks as he picks a few out of the bag.

 

Jisung stops chewing and quickly swallows to answer, “Jaemin went to get it.” The conversation stops there and Donghyuck finds it increasingly awkward as time passes.

 

The field is loud with the school’s band and the cheerleader’s loud cheers. He was never a fan of this event, but he went because his friends force him. He still doesn’t enjoy it. The game should start soon and he hopes it goes quickly.

 

Next to him, Jisung stares off at the cheerleaders. His mouth slightly agape, he watches with interest and awe. To tease him, Donghyuck closes Jisung’s jaw shut and chuckles when the younger blinks rapidly, almost like he just escaped a trance.

 

“Caught drooling over the girls?” he teases further.

 

His mouth quickly opens and closes as he scrambles for something to say. Donghyuck just laughs and pats the kid on the back.

 

“It’s just my friend,” Jisung finds to say. “He’s the one doing all the flips right now.”

 

Donghyuck turns to look and right on the track some kid is doing crazy flips in a cheerleading uniform. He watches and is beyond impressed at the risky tumbling. The kid lands neatly in his maroon and white uniform and continues to jump around with pompoms, trying to hype up the crowd. He looks their way and with a free hand, he waves at Jisung with a wide smile before continuing his tumbling.

 

“Wow, he’s real cool. I would be on my ass in two seconds,” he comments. “What’s his name?”

 

“Chenle.”

 

“Oh,” he drags out in realization. “He’s in my science class, I think.”

 

Again, their conversation is cut short by awkwardness and lack of further topics to speak on. Donghyuck could talk for days, but he reckons Jisung isn’t much of a talker. At least, for now he isn’t.

 

He’s left completely alone with no one to talk with when Jaemin starts coloring Jisung’s face with red face paint. People are all around him, but he feels awkward not talking to anybody. For a moment, he starts picking at the dry paint on his face and sits in silence.

 

He begins to watch the other school’s football team warm up in boredom. Ten aching minutes pass and the game finally starts. The band gets even louder at their entrance and the people in the bleachers are now standing. Donghyuck gets up as well and starts blindly cheering their school on.

 

Kick off starts and the atmosphere is back to boring for Donghyuck. Mark is still busy talking to his other friends and Jisung is conversing nicely with the others. He hates being in this situation.

 

Time passes slowly as he watches the game. He knows nothing about football and instead focuses on the cheerleaders standing with their hands behind their backs. Between every play they do something cute. Next to him, Jisung quietly cheers his friend on.

 

Suddenly, it’s halftime and Mark’s gone to get more snacks from the concession stand. Donghyuck is again stuck talking to no one. He’s scrolling through his twitter and when he looks up he realizes he was left alone. Surrounded by people he’s never talked to, Donghyuck tries his best not to look awkward as he waits for his friends to return.

 

When they do, he steals at least one thing in compensation for leaving him alone.

 

“You all suck,” he says as he chews on a Cow Tale. “Especially you,” he snips as he hits Mark on the shoulder roughly.

 

Mark winces and rubs at the spot with a pout.

 

“What’d I do?” he whines.

 

“You left me alone with no one to talk to,” Donghyuck complains, “and you’re talking to your other friends more than me.”

 

Donghyuck is the worst when it comes to jealousy and it’s definitely his most toxic trait. Of course, Mark doesn’t belong to him and he’s allowed to have other friends. He has this nasty habit of thinking he’s the most important part of someone’s life and he works everyday to try to fix this. It’s just now when Mark ignored him, he doesn’t feel too good. He likes attention too much to let it go so easily.

 

“Here,” Mark turns his whole body towards Donghyuck, knees touching, “now you’ve got all my attention.”

 

Donghyuck tries to calm his heart down a lot around Mark.

 

The game starts up again and he’s left discussing rules with his best friend. Mark tries his best to get Donghyuck to understand, but the younger is completely clueless by the time he gets to fouls. They get through most

 

Then, at the last minutes, the team does some trick play where the QB actually scores the touchdown and the stands go insane. Everybody’s on their feet and water is splashing everywhere.

The crowd is loud and boisterous as the quick seconds pass. The ref is blowing the whistle on the field and the cheerleaders grow louder and louder. The other team kicks the ball away and the game is over. The high school students rush the field and somewhere in the chaos, Mark holds onto Donghyuck’s hand.

 

He nearly falls on his ass as he attempts to jump the fence, but Mark’s hand helps him through it. It’s dangerous as they run onto the field and the warmth of Mark’s hand grounds him.

 

Once the crowd dies down, they’re back on their way to the parking lot and getting out of there. In the car they talk about the game. They waited for Jisung to come back from the bathroom and when he does, they’re ready to go to their next destination.

 

“Off we go,” Mark says before driving out of the crowded parking lot.

 

They drive off while screaming the lyrics to Michael Jackson’s greatest hits. Mark drives as carefully as he can, but hitting those high notes takes a lot so he nearly crashes like five times. Renjun falls out of Jeno’s lap at least ten times and he claims his butt is bruised. They laugh and shout until their throats burn.

 

After fifteen or so minutes of complete chaos, they make it to Jaemin’s house and file out quickly, Michael Jackson’s P.Y.T leaving their lips.

 

“Before we go in,” Jaemin whispers as he starts to open the door to his family’s garden, “my dog might wake up and bite our asses.”

 

Donghyuck makes a _psh_ noise and pushes through. “Sumo loves me. He would never,” he responds, opening the door all the way.

 

The lights turn on at their entrance and the beautiful garden lights up as well as the center fountain. Screw Jaemin and his rich ass family. Despite having all this money, Jaemin’s the chillest kid Donghyuck has ever met.

 

Sumo comes running at them as expected and Donghyuck welcomes the Saint Bernard with wide arms, baby talking as he greets the big puppy. Jisung stands back like he’s afraid of intruding.

 

“Who’s the sweetest boy?” he coos, Sumo greeting back with sloppy kisses.

 

“Are you just gonna hang out with the dog again?” Jeno asks sarcastically, already knowing the answer.

 

Donghyuck looks up with a grin. “Beats hanging out with your lame asses.”

 

They move to where the garden overlooks the town. It looks a lot smaller when you look at it from here and Donghyuck feels tiny in a world filled with millions. On stage, he feels big and untouchable. But now, as he looks over the only town he’s ever known, he feels as small as the specks of dust.

 

The cold fall air causes his nose to turn red and hands to grow numb. He wraps himself with the electric blanket Jaemin provides. The oldest of all of them complains about the chill like a baby. To shut him up, Donghyuck offers to share the blanket with him. Mark sits next to him and rests his head on his shoulder, finding warmth from Donghyuck.

 

Jaemin tells Sumo to go home because you should never smoke around your dogs. Jaemin likes weed, but he loves his dog a lot more.

 

“Wait, wait, woah, woah,” Jisung panics as he watches Jeno roll one.

 

Donghyuck notices his panic and gives a comforting smile. He would never tease when it comes to a serious topic like recreational drugs. If Jisung didn’t feel comfortable, he wasn’t going to pressure him or let anyone else pressure him.

 

“You don’t have to,” he offers. “Me and you can chill with Sumo over by the fireplace if you want.”

 

Jisung looks at Jeno and then back at the orange haired boy. He’s obviously thinking hard about what to do, the gears in his head visibly turning.

 

“No,” he breathes out, “it’s okay. I’m okay.”

 

Mark leans over with a concerned look on his face. “You really don’t have to if you don’t want to. It’s not like we’ll make fun of you.”

 

Jisung takes another deep breath and looks over at the joint before nodding reassuringly at Mark. With a determined look on his face, he waits for his turn. Renjun teaches him as best as he can so the younger doesn’t completely choke and die.

 

His eyes widen when the stick finally reaches him, the blunt caught in between his pointer finger and thumb. Donghyuck nearly wants to laugh when he sees how freaked out he looks.

 

“Does it hurt?” he asks once more before it makes it to his mouth.

 

Jeno shakes his head with a chuckle. “Why would it hurt?”

 

Jisung shrugs. “I don’t know,” he mumbles. “My mom said it would hurt.”

 

“Remember you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Donghyuck reminds him. “We totally understand.”

 

Mark nods his head. “Yeah, it’s not for everybody.”

 

Jisung looks concentrated as he repeats the steps Renjun gave him. A second later, he’s coughing up a storm and shoving the joint towards Donghyuck.

 

“Who the fuck would wanna do that?” he coughs out with watery eyes.

 

They laugh halfheartedly. Donghyuck pinches his cheeks and coos at him like he’s a baby. The blonde boy was only two years younger than them, but Donghyuck couldn’t help feel protective over him. Despite only having awkward conversations with the boy, he knows Jisung will fit right in with the group.

 

He laughs at all their lame jokes and eventually his heavy coughs turn light and come shorter than before. His eyes are a little red and his infectious laughter causes all of them to feel lighter. With Jisung, they feel almost complete, like he was the missing piece to all their dumb adventures. Sure, he’s a little hesitant and not that much of a talker. But they can tell. It’s the start of something great.

 

“You know,” Jisung mumbles, his legs wrapped tightly in his own arms. He sniffs, nose running from the cold. “I was never good at making friends. Been having a really tough time at this place.”

 

He glances at all of them before turning to the beautiful view of the town. They know he’s talking about their suburban town. All are familiar with being lost in a crowd not made for them. Jisung knows. Right here, he looks small and vulnerable. Almost like a child.

 

“I’m just really glad that I met you guys,” he continues. His voice is sincere and grateful. Donghyuck knows they did something right just this once.

 

Renjun goes to hug the boy and it’s all very soft. Almost a bit too soft. He hates when they get all soppy like this when they get high. There’s always that point where they get deep and share their darkest feelings. Donghyuck was never like that and simply ate the chips he bought earlier.

 

He loves his friends way too much, but he’d never say that out loud.

 

-

 

The next morning, Sumo wakes him up. The big puppy jumps onto the bed and plops directly on top of him. Donghyuck groans at first at the heavyweight, but softly pets the soft fur.

 

“Morning, Sumo,” he softly says, his voice croaky with sleep.

 

Next to him, Renjun and Jeno are cuddling on their own. The large bed leaves enough room for the four of them, but Sumo’s tail brushes to close to Renjun’s nose, waking the boy up.

 

“Get off of me,” grumbles Renjun as he pushes Jeno off the bed.

 

He lands on the floor with a loud thump that wakes everybody in the room up. They slowly get up, Donghyuck being left on the bed because Sumo doesn’t want their cuddle session to end just yet.

 

“You want waffles or pancakes, Hyuck?” Jaemin asks him, his deep voice sounding even deeper than usual.

 

Donghyuck rolls over slowly as Sumo adjusts next to him. He rubs his eyes roughly and blinks against the bright morning sun. Head turning towards Jaemin to answer, he yawns.

 

“Is that even a question?” he snips. “Waffles, obviously.”

 

Mark is still sleeping on the floor below him. He looks small wrapped in a thick blanket and his sweatshirt basically swallows him whole. His glasses are dangerously on his face. He probably forgot to take them off before he dozed to sleep.

 

Donghyuck kicks him lightly with his socked foot and when Mark doesn’t respond he kicks even harder. Eventually his tired eyes open and he curses at the younger for waking him up so rudely.

 

“Breakfast time,” he sings. “We have a show tonight. Remember that.”

 

Mark groans and sits up very slowly. “Don’t remind me,” he mumbles. “Jeno’s driving forty minutes, not me.”

 

From across the room, Jeno laughs bitterly. They’re the only ones with licenses, which is very inconvenient when it comes to traveling.

 

Once everybody’s up and alive, they head towards the dining room to eat breakfast. Donghyuck scarfs down his waffles quickly and avoids all milk because it makes his voice scratchier than ever. Renjun doesn’t care at all and eats his huge bowl of Apple Jacks by himself.

 

“You ready for tonight, Jisung?” Jaemin asks him with a smile. “Don’t get too scared or you’ll vomit like Renjun.”

 

Renjun pretends to laugh at the harsh dig and flips the other off with a blank expression.

 

“To be honest, I’m extremely nervous,” Jisung answers honestly and quickly, “but not to the point where I’ll throw up.” He grins at Renjun innocently.

 

They spend the rest of breakfast betting on who was going to throw up first, Renjun or Jisung. All bets were against Renjun.

 

“It’s just a small show,” Mark comforts.

 

Jisung stares at him with wide eyes, pancake filling his cheeks. He swallows roughly and grimaces. The doubt is painted all over his face.

 

“What do you consider small?” he asks hesitantly.

 

Mark thinks. “Couple hundred maybe?”

 

Jisung’s small eyes seem to widen even more and he chugs down his orange juice quickly. He was obviously very nervous about this. If Donghyuck had to guess, he would assume Jisung has never played in front of a crowd of that size. Maybe a couple dozen, but never breaking the hundred mark. Maybe he hasn’t played in front of anyone.

 

From the first time they saw him play, they haven’t had a single doubt. They trusted Jisung and they knew he was going to be great. He was an amazing addition to the team and they couldn’t have picked anyone better. So, none of them are nervous for Jisung. They’ve seen him play and they’ve seen what he can do. No worries.

 

It was going to be their first show with Jisung and even though it was a small pop-up show, it still mattered. How Jisung plays will determine the future of their band. He’s kind of Mark’s successor. So he can’t fuck it up.

 

No pressure.

 

-

 

After practicing for countless of hours, Jisung was ready.

 

Forty minutes in the van and he was hyping himself up, showing his confidence and never faltering. If Jisung was nervous, he didn’t let anyone know. He sat bragging about his years of training and how they were lucky to have him. These past days he’s gotten bolder and a lot more comfortable with them. So, he teases them constantly and nobody minds because it’s Jisung.

 

He was so ready and so excited that he wasn’t prepared for the tsunami of nerves.

 

Five minutes before stage and he’s absolutely freaking out. Like proper freaking out. His hands are shaking and it’s kind of scaring Donghyuck. He didn’t vomit or pass out, but he’s shaking terribly.

 

“Why are they so loud?” he asks as his voice shakes.

 

Backstage, it’s dark and they can barely see a thing, but Donghyuck can see Jisung’s hands shaking profusely. So, he holds them still and tries to soothe the younger as well as he can.

 

“It’s just like practice, okay?” his calming voice says. “You’ve got this. It’s just like practice.”

 

“Yeah, but this time there’s a hundred people staring at me and judging me.”

 

Donghyuck shakes his head and holds the younger’s hands tighter. Nerves suck. He knows this, but if Jisung can’t get over them soon, they might be screwed. He tries to be sympathetic because it’s his first show ever. This is the first time they’ll introduce him to the crowd. On twitter, they accepted him quickly, but now it’s time to face them.

 

“Don’t worry about that shit,” he quickly says. Time was ticking and he had to calm Jisung down. “Breathe in and breathe out with me.”

 

Jisung takes a loud breath in and when he exhales it’s shaky and light. This isn’t good.

 

“Hyuck, I don’t know if I can do this,” he whispers out.

 

A venue worker notifies them that they go on in less than a minute. Jisung still looks like he’s five seconds away from crying.

 

“Just watch me,” Donghyuck tries. “If you don’t feel right, just let Mark play and watch me.”

 

The minute passes and he lets go of his hands so Jisung can go join the others on stage. He looks terrified, but once he’s on there Donghyuck can see the mood change. He’s in awe as he sees the small crowd gather for them. The younger takes his place and the familiar blue lights shine. The song starts and Jisung waits for his cue.

 

Donghyuck skips on stage and begins singing as he’s practiced before. Occasionally, he’ll try to look over his shoulder where Jisung stands, but he’s too focused on the crowd in front of him. He dances with them as usual and the familiar guitar solo is just about to start. Only this time it’s Jisung’s solo.

 

The introductions start as normal. The crowd is happy to see them. They’re going insane and Jisung’s fingers move smoothly across the neck of the guitar. He doesn’t look awkward or nervous, he looks killer.

 

“And now, I’m here to introduce,” Donghyuck shouts into the mic, “Jisung Park!”

 

The solo ends and the song continues its upbeat sound. There’s a point in the song where Donghyuck doesn’t have to sing and it’s just him dancing along the stage. He stops by where Jisung and Mark are and dances with them. The easy smiles on their faces tell him that they’re enjoying what they’re doing.

 

They all do.

 

Donghyuck kisses Jisung’s cheek and the younger laughs before making a kissy face back. On impulse, Donghyuck does the same to Mark’s cheek quickly before going back up to the mic to sing the last remaining lines. He turns around to look back at Mark and even though the stage is dark, he can see the red blush blooming all over his face.

 

The songs end and continue throughout the night. They have fun and feed off the energy the crowd gives. At one point between songs, there’s a point where Donghyuck just talks. He talks about Jisung and how awkward and weird he is. It’s quick and easy and before they know it they’re on the last song of the night. It goes quickly and Jeno’s pounding away at his drums. The loud cymbals crash and sizzle and Donghyuck closes his eyes before opening one last time to watch the crowd.

“It’s been fun,” he says. “We were The Dreamers.”

 

They run off stage and the show is over. Just like that. Jisung cries because he’s overwhelmed, but he doesn’t cry too long because he has to help with packing their stuff. So, he cries while moving heavy amps and wires.

 

Once all of their equipment is packed in the van, they all collectively make the rashes decision.

 

“There’s an hour and a half left of homecoming,” Jisung points out quickly as they speed walk out of the venue. “We’re never gonna make it.”

 

Jaemin spins around and causes the youngest to bump into him. He looks confused and flustered. His nose is red from crying, which gives him an even more tired look.

 

With a grin he says, “You’re doubting Jeno’s reckless driving.”

 

Renjun rushes to the van and practically yells at Jeno to step on it. The long ride home is cut short due to Jeno’s fast driving. They’re lucky he wasn’t pulled over. He parks dangerously near the back entrance of the gymnasium.

 

After successfully sneaking into their own school, they find refuge in a lonely bathroom. It’s cold and the shitty music is muffled by the walls. Underneath Donghyuck’s fingertips, the floor is dirty and cool. He can feel the bass thrumming as he sits on the gross floor.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Mark starts dramatically in a mock fancy voice, “I present to you fine whiskey.”

 

“Shut up, that’s hardly piss whiskey,” Donghyuck laughs.

 

Mark takes a chug directly from the bottle, which is disgusting because it falls down his neck grossly. Mouth filled with hot whiskey, he holds out the bottle for Donghyuck to take. His curved eyebrow is raised in challenge.

 

“You got that from your dad’s garage, didn’t you?” asks Jeno.

 

Mark harshly swallows the alcohol with a hiss. “Yes,” he answers.

 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, his grin wide enough to pain his cheeks.

 

“I’ll drink your shitty alcohol,” he states before taking a quick swig. It’s warm and definitely does not taste nice at all. He winces at the bitter taste and practically throws it at Jaemin.

 

It’s gross and warm, but they still drink because they have nothing else to do. Jisung reacts horribly to the drink and stops after one sip. They don’t blame him because it really does suck ass.

 

“Weed I will do,” points out Jisung. “But this is gross and I’m telling my mom.”

 

“Let’s ditch these dorks and have some decent fun,” Renjun jokes. “Enjoy the crappy whiskey.”

 

Instead of hanging with the tired losers, Jisung and Renjun walk out to enjoy the last minutes of homecoming.

 

“I don’t know what’s nastier,” Jaemin begins, “Mark’s fancy whiskey or you sitting on the piss bathroom floor.” His head tilts in confusion like a puppy and his face scrunches in thought.

 

He shrugs and walks out when he decides Donghyuck is nastier. Jeno takes one last sip of the drink before walking out after Jaemin. They’re left in the bathroom. Just the two of them. It’s not awkward at all.

 

Both are a little buzzed from the fast drinking. Donghyuck can feel himself get dizzy because he hadn’t eaten or drank anything. His vision goes blurry when he stands up too fast. Mark laughs at him just to be an asshole about it.

 

“You’ve always been a lightweight,” he teases.

 

Donghyuck brushes his jeans off and gives the other a pointed look. “I’m not gonna pretend like I enjoy drinking.”

 

He walks over to lean against the wall with Mark. They both stare at the long mirror in front of them. It stretches across the bathroom, and he takes the time to stare at his dead orange hair. The thought of dyeing it again surfaces. That’s for another time.

 

“Let’s make a drinking game,” Mark offers, breaking the silence between them. “Take a swig every time you hear someone scream ‘this is my song!’.”

 

“I’ll be shitfaced in like five minutes,” he bets. “However, I will go along with your boring games.”

 

A second later, somebody shouts on top of their lungs that Usher’s “Yeah!” was their song. They take turns taking gruesome sips. By the time the song’s over, Donghyuck’s not feeling so good. They’re both sitting on the nasty bathroom floor, facing each other with blushed faces and dumb smiles. Mark won’t stop hiccuping and Donghyuck finds this to be the funniest thing all night.

 

“Let’s be real for a second,” Mark starts with his stupid laughter. “Realistically speaking, you would be the first to die in a zombie apocalypse.”

 

“That is such utter nonsense,” he gasps in offense. “I’m gonna pretend you never said that.”

 

Homecoming is slowly closing up, the minutes ticking away. A few kids walk into the bathroom to take a piss, but most are gone trying to enjoy the last moments of fun. When a Pitbull song ends, a slower song turns on and Donghyuck kicks himself up. He pulls Mark up with him and without thinking, he wraps his arms around his friend’s neck.

 

“Are we dancing now?” asks Mark.

 

“It’s Ed Sheeran, we have to.”

 

His eyes are wide in shock, but he wraps his arms around Donghyuck’s waist to keep them both from falling to the floor. The younger takes a quick sip of the remaining alcohol and holds onto the empty bottle loosely.

 

“I think I’m in love with Ed Sheeran songs,” he whispers as they rock to the song. “Not him but just his songs.”

 

His head rests comfortably on Mark’s shoulder. They’re about the same height so it doesn’t hurt his neck too much. Together they rock back and forth. Mark smells like bad whiskey, sweat and some cologne he put on earlier that night. It’s a little weird to say it’s his favorite smell.

 

“Are we slow dancing in the bathroom right now?” Mark tries.

 

“What’s more romantic than this?” he jokes back.

 

A few silent moments pass where he’s just listening to the muffled song with his eyes closed. He’s enjoying the moment and dancing with his best friend. There’s nothing weird about the way his heart flutters just a little bit faster. It’s no big deal that his heart feels warm and full with Mark in his arms.

 

It’s nothing, except it’s everything to him.

 

“I think I like you,” Donghyuck whispers right when the song ends. His breathing stops.

 

He slowly pulls away, his hands resting on Mark’s skinny shoulders. His face feels heated and he can feel the way Mark’s hands clutch his shirt too tightly. In a moment, he rushes in and kisses Mark. It’s the stupidest thing he’s ever done, but he thinks about Mark leaving and never seeing him again and suddenly his decision isn’t so sudden.

 

His lips are warm. They’re slightly chapped and taste like the whiskey they drank. Donghyuck has his eyes squeezed shut so tightly he sees colors underneath his eyelids. Mark doesn’t move one bit. Their first kiss together was not like how he had dreamt it would be like.

 

After so many years of crushing on Mark, he decides to act on it now. At the worst time. It’s terrible timing.

 

It’s a quick kiss. It ends just as fast. Mark’s eyes are wide and he’s still holding tightly onto Donghyuck. His mouth is slightly open in shock. Donghyuck knows he screwed up.

 

So, he runs.

 

He pushes Mark off and makes a break for it out of the bathroom.

 

-

 

The next morning Donghyuck has a throbbing headache and a crying heart.

 

“Oh god,” he whines. “I’m so stupid.” He rolls around his bed and hits his head against his pillow repeatedly until it hurts his head even more.

 

He looks like a toddler throwing a tantrum whining and rolling around. His brother at the edge of the bed with his arms crossed and hip cocked does not look impressed.

 

“If you keep crying like this I’ll almost feel sorry for you,” he drones on as he watches his little brother throw a fit.

 

Donghyuck stops and snaps up to glare of his older brother. Taeyong’s five years older than him and so much different than him in so many ways. Where Donghyuck’s fiery and explosive, Taeyong’s calm and controlled. But they relate to one thing that brings them together. Music.

 

If it wasn’t for Taeyong’s love for music, Donghyuck doesn’t think he’d be in this right now. His brother was his biggest inspiration. He lived in New York City as a producer, but he was visiting for a year to find his “inspiration.” His inspiration turns out to be a six foot tall loser who owns a shitty bar in the middle of the city.

 

Donghyuck was glad to have his brother back since he had left after high school. It was nice to see his ugly morning face every now and then.

 

“Please stop crying about Mark. I’m getting a headache.” his brother pouts.

 

“I spent hours listening to you drag on about that lame ass Johnny and you can’t even listen to me cry for a minute?” he snaps, his voice gradually rising.

 

Taeyong stomps his foot and glares back at Donghyuck. “That lame ass is your manager, stupid.”

 

Donghyuck crawls out of bed and trudges towards Taeyong’s room as he snips, “And? He’s still a loser by association with you.”

 

Once inside the room, he falls directly onto Taeyong’s bed and screams again. The pillow muffles his screams, but his brother still complains about his volume.

 

“Your situation was that terrible?” Taeyong asks him as he sits next to the screaming boy. A comforting goes to play with Donghyuck’s burnt orange hair. It calms him down just a bit.

 

He turns on his back and begins to pout again at his older brother, hoping he wouldn’t have to explain the situation again. The events of last night were the most embarrassing moments of his life. He definitely does not want to relive them.

 

“Would I be crying on your bed right now if it wasn’t?” he challenges.

 

“Well, you are pretty dramatic.”

 

“Suck my ass.”

 

Taeyong tugs at his hair and shoves him over. He lays beside his little brother and they end up staring at the glow in the dark stars on Taeyong’s ceiling. The rain outside is heard pelting against the windows. It’s almost calming. If Donghyuck’s headache wasn’t so killer, he would be enjoying the soothing sounds. He can’t enjoy it because he’s too busy cursing at his embarrassing actions.

 

“Do you think I can still drop out of school?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

 

“Well, your looks definitely aren’t gonna take you that far so school’s all you got.” Taeyong answers brutally.

 

He groans and shoves his older brother off the bed. “Be serious,” he complains. “I don’t want to see his ugly face anymore. I just have to dropout of school and leave the band. That’s the only solution.”

 

Taeyong recovers and takes a deep breath. He’s obviously thinking about what to say, his eyes traveling around the room for something. Words were stuck in his mouth as he tried his best to comfort Donghyuck. When it’s not for writing songs, Taeyong sucks at finding the right words to say.

 

“You’ve liked him since I was dating his brother, right?” he brings up.

 

Donghyuck tilts his head, head still lying on the fluffy pillows. “I thought you guys weren’t dating.”

 

Taeyong waves a hand around. “Forget about that,” he adds quickly. “That was a long time ago. You’re the bravest person I know. So, why’d it take you so long to tell him?”

 

Donghyuck sighs loudly and thinks hard about the answer. He stares up at the stickers while thinking up a bullshit response. He could totally bullshit and be a smartass, or he could actually share what’s been bothering him.

 

“I was scared,” he shares. “Still am.”

 

Mark was terrifying. He was terrifying in a way that made Donghyuck hide everything. He hid behind the secure wall he built around himself and was determined to never let Mark through it. Mark was someone he didn’t want to lose. He was too good. So, they became best friends and nothing more than that because he knew sooner or later, he was going to fuck it up. So best friends was the next best thing.

 

But now he’s fucked it up. His foggy drunk state thought kissing the love of his life was the best idea at that moment when it was, in fact, the worst decision.

 

Mark scares him because he never wants to lose him.

 

-

 

Monday morning, Jeno drives him to school like always. In the halls, he takes the long route in order to avoid Mark at all costs. He will never be able to face that idiot any time soon, and if he does it’ll be on his own time.

 

It’s foggy and gross outside. It matches perfectly with his mood and his outfit.

 

“Digging the groufit you’ve got going on, Hyuckie,” Renjun snickers.

 

Donghyuck goes through art class without talking to Renjun the whole time.

 

He feels like a shell of himself at this time. He walks alone through the halls and doesn’t bother saying hi to anyone. It’s almost like he’s got his own mini rain cloud dancing above his head. His mood sucks that bad.

 

At the time around lunch, he goes to the library instead and eats there silently. Is he being dramatic? Maybe, but he’s sad and doesn’t want to talk to anyone because he might just start sobbing again and he’s a really ugly crier. So, he tries his best to keep to himself on Monday.

 

Once school’s over, he ignores the rest of his friends and decides to walk home by himself. It’s sad and self pitying as he blasts 2005 emo music through his headphones. He pasts by the East Field and curses when he realizes the lacrosse boys practice there on Mondays.

 

He tries to keep his head down as he walks past the fence. The boys crowd around and out of all of the voices, he can hear Mark’s voice and laughter. He cringes with each echoing step. For a second, he decides to lift his head and unfortunately Mark looks at him at that moment. He stands there in his practice attire, stick and mask in hand. His face is expressionless.

 

It’s like the world slows down in a horrifying way. They look at each other and their eyes lock, but Mark looks away and it’s terrible. Donghyuck looks back at the ground and his heart curls even harder.

 

He walks in the drizzle and doesn’t cry. He’ll never cry over a boy, but he might just this once for Mark.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/taeyngluvr)


	3. winter

 

 

 

 

 

_WINTER_

 

The weather gets cold and Mark gets even colder.

 

As the days near closer to the new year, Mark grows farther away and farther away. It’s almost like he was never there to begin with. They saw him less and less. With the shows drawing to a complete stop, Mark rarely hung out with them.

 

Donghyuck hasn’t talked to him since November.

 

It was a weird encounter near Jeno’s van.

 

Mark was leaning against the van, probably waiting for Jeno. He was preoccupied with his phone and didn’t look up until Donghyuck cleared his throat. He said hi with a polite smile and Donghyuck felt like he was talking to a strange carbon copy of the Mark Lee he once knew. They conversed in a polite small talk and once Jeno returned, Mark fetched his favorite pick that he left in the garage and leaves. Never turning back or saying goodbye. Not even a see you later.

 

Jeno didn’t say anything.

 

That was the last time he ever talked to Mark. The others have seen him sparsely, but none of them dare to speak of him around Hyuck. Maybe they know what happened, they just don’t want to speak of it. Or maybe Mark told them not to bring it up with him. Who knows anymore?

 

It sucks losing your best friend. Especially when everyone around you is still friends with them. It’s like you can never escape them because with every turn Mark’s there, laughing at some dumb joke and avoiding Donghyuck’s gaze.

 

If he had known what would’ve happened once he kissed Mark, he would have never tried it. He’d much rather never know the feeling of Mark’s lips on his than lose his friend.  

 

Mark was gone. This was serious, no amount of funny reaction pictures can fix this. Donghyuck just wished Mark had the fucking _guts_ to scream at him, curse at him, spit at him or something. Anything at all. He could’ve given an explanation, a response, something. Instead, he faded away with zero explanation.

 

It’s December. Winter break is long and a little tiring if you really think about it. He had to buy presents for his family and friends with money he didn’t even have. He tries to enjoy it as best as he can, but for some reason he’s just more bummed out than usual. Christmas is fun and he loves it, but this year it has lost its charm.

 

He’s by the fireplace with his fuzzy socks and hot cocoa when he gets a call from Jaemin.

 

“ _Yo, I’m having a New Years Eve party_ ,” he states over the line. “ _You wanna come_?”

 

The crackle of the fire accompanies his thoughts. He plays with a loose thread on his dirty sweatpants, phone pressed against his ear. His face scrunches in thought.

 

“I don’t know man,” he answers. “Your parties aren’t exactly the best.”

 

Jaemin scoffs on the other side and Donghyuck can almost see him rolling his eyes.

 

“ _Please come?_ ” he begs. “ _You’re the life of every party, come on_.”

 

Donghyuck chuckles at his desperation. “Fine,” he agrees on. “Maybe I’ll make an appearance.”

 

Jaemin thanks him a million times and tells him he’d text him the info later. Donghyuck just bites his lip and keeps quiet, nodding silently. They say goodbye and Donghyuck is back to staring solemnly at the flickering fireplace.

 

“You just gonna sit there all night?” a voice says behind him. He turns to see his brother standing in his pajamas and fluffy blanket. “You look sad,” he pouts.

 

Donghyuck sighs and scoots over when his brother comes to sit next to him. Taeyong just pulls him in tightly under the warm blanket.

 

“Didn’t know I looked so sad,” he mumbles in response.

 

“You look like a kicked puppy. I kinda wanna cry.”

 

He rolls his eyes and continues to stare at the dancing fire. It’s silent in an almost relaxing way. Donghyuck sighs and closes his eyes tightly to prevent the tears from falling. It’s hard to lose a best friend, especially from something so preventable. He should’ve kept his mouth shut. If they never went to that stupid dance, everything would be fine. Donghyuck has to be stupid.

 

“Mark’s not responding to any of my texts,” he sadly states. “It was a cute video of a puppy playing in snow.” He sighs again, loud and obvious.

 

Mark used to always reply to his puppy videos.

 

-

 

Jaemin’s party is super lame.

 

There’s a bunch of people and most of them are people Donghyuck has never seen before in his life. It’s way too crowded and he misses Sumo immensely. The big house fits all, but he feels way too stuffed.

 

Usually, you’d find him partying it up with Mark. Those two were the life of every party, believe it or not. Mark and Donghyuck, the beer pong champs and the best keggers in town. They were a duo to be unmatched with. And now it’s kind of dead.

 

Donghyuck’s stuck on the couch, listening to his own playlist very closely. Jaemin put him in charge of the AUX, which was a smart choice because anybody else would be playing Mo Bamba. Instead, he’s playing something with taste. You can never go wrong with Ariana Grande. He even squeezes in some k-pop. The crowd didn’t react to Hyuna that well, but that didn’t matter.

 

“This is kind of sad,” Renjun tells him. “You’re just sitting here. You missed Jisung’s keg stand.”

 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and gets up from his comfortable seat. “I’m not sad,” he snaps. “I’m doing perfectly fine.”

 

In reality, he wasn’t really fine because losing your best friend that quickly sucks, but he wouldn’t let anyone else know that. To them, he’s the normal Hyuck that they all love, loud and unapologetic. He hasn’t acted any differently because he’s not that pathetic. Sure, he’ll cry at night while watching Mark’s snapchat stories, but he never admits that.

 

“Where’s Sumo?” he asks Renjun, like he’d know.

 

Renjun shrugs, as expected. Donghyuck gives up and decides to mingle around. He needs to have fun. He can’t start the new year wallowing away in his self-pity. As he walks around the large house, he says hi to the people he’s familiar with. They act like they’re his best friend and boost his ego because he’s kind of famous. None of them are really his friends.

 

He eventually gives up his search for Sumo. He gets mixed up in a game of beer pong. It’s the lacrosse team versus him and a few other marching band kids. It was a weird mix, but he promised to beat the lacrosse guys for the band girls. When he tosses the first ball into a cup, he raises his head to look at his opponents. It’s Mark. Of course it’s Mark.

 

“When did he join the game?” he asks his opponents.

 

“Ever since you decided to come in. Okay, we are not losing to you,” they challenge. The group of guys are determined to beat the champ with Mark.

 

Mark’s on the other side of the table, behind all of his friends, but clear enough to look back at Donghyuck. He does that cute thing with his mouth, biting it up until it bleeds. His friend takes the drink and it’s his turn. He doesn’t break eye contact as he gets his hand ready. Just as he’s about to toss it, he looks down at the cups and away from Donghyuck.

 

He makes it and grins as he slowly looks back at Donghyuck. The tension there is killer. Neither of them don’t really know how to act around the other. It’s kind of strange the way they dance around each other, like they’re afraid the ice is about to break and the freezing water was going to pull them right out of this moment.

 

With their eyes locked, Donghyuck softly smiles, barely there. He takes the drink and rolls his eyes at Mark jokingly.

 

Many drinks later, one cup is left on both sides. It’s Mark’s turn, and his game has been going smoothly. Not a single cup was missed when it was his throw. Donghyuck worries for his title as Mark readies his hand, exaggerating his aim by closing one eye. He flicks his wrists a couple of times before actually letting go.

 

Before the ping-pong leaves his hand, Donghyuck coughs loudly, knowing it would mess him up.

 

“You did that on purpose,” Mark pouts.

 

Donghyuck shrugs, a smug smirk plasters his face as he knocks down the final cup. The game ends and his title rests easy. Beer pong champ will only belong to him.

 

It’s awkward when the two meet, crossing the distance between the table. Donghyuck’s posture is stiff because this is the first time Mark has actually tried to approach him. He takes note of what Mark was wearing, and he remembers how lame his best friend actually is. He’s wearing ripped jeans and a fucking polo. Who does he think he is? The whole joke of it is Mark can actually pull it off.

 

Donghyuck plays with the loose thread on his sweater and tugs on it. It rips.

 

“Hey,” Mark starts with.

 

The younger scoffs, shaking his head and looking away. “You don’t talk to me for a month and ‘hey’ is all you got?”

 

Mark stuffs his hands in his pockets and winces. It’s like he knows what he did was shitty. The way he’s shifting on his feet and trying to avoid his friend’s gaze is a telling sign of guilt. In a way, Donghyuck’s satisfied. He’s satisfied knowing Mark feels guilty about the shit he put him through.

 

“I was a dickhead, I know,” he admits.

 

“A little bit more of a dick, I would say,” Donghyuck mumbles.

 

Mark makes a _huh_ sound, gesturing to his ear to signal he didn’t catch what he said. Donghyuck takes a step closer, his lips slightly brushing his ear. This close, he can smell the heavy cologne Mark drenches on his clothes and the beer he drank only moments ago.

 

“You were a dick,” he says louder.

 

The older flinches away and rubs at the back of his neck nervously. That guilt look is back.

 

“You’re my best friend, you know that,” he begins.

 

“You don’t have to say anything, Mark,” Donghyuck interrupts.

 

Right as Mark opens his mouth to say something else, Jaemin and Jeno come barrelling in. With Jeno’s buff ass hanging off his shoulder, Donghyuck forgets all about what Mark was trying to say, and instead he was trying to get his excited friend off of him. He looks over at Mark, who was struggling as well. Jaemin was jumping on his back, and he was screaming about the countdown.

 

“We can’t miss the countdown,” Jeno basically screams into his ear.

 

Donghyuck almost forgot it was a New Years party.

 

They’re swept away towards the living room, where most of the guests wait in front of the TV. The large crowd cheer as the numbers flash across the luxurious screen. The group of friends find each other in the center of it all. Jisung’s veins pop out as he shouts enthusiastically when the number ten flashes. Jeno is shaking Donghyuck and Mark has a noisemaker in his mouth.

 

Overall, it’s chaos and Donghyuck is laughing as they all wait. Excitement tips over the top as the seconds pass. Mark lightly shoves Donghyuck with his shoulder, a big smile on his face as he ignores the countdown and focuses on Donghyuck instead. They scream the last remaining numbers, facing each other with wide grins on their faces.

 

It’s almost like the past month never happened. It goes back to normal that quickly. Mark says sorry and Donghyuck just forgives him. It’s simple. No more tears were shed and their fragile friendship rebuilds itself. It’s easy. Almost as easy it is to fall in love with Mark Lee.

 

“Three!” the crowd cheers as they watch the crystal ball drop slowly.

 

Donghyuck looks down at Mark’s grinning smile. The sounds in the room become muffled as he considers his next actions. Jeno is no longer shaking him and the two best friends stand in front of each other. Mark has his eyes closed tightly, and his cheeks are red with excitement. The grin on his face nearly covers half of his face.

 

“Two!”

 

Mark opens his eyes and lightly laughs as he catches sight on Donghyuck.

 

“One!”

 

He knows he shouldn’t forgive him this easily, but he can’t help it. When Mark looks like that and smiles like that and laughs like that. He can’t help but welcome him back into his life wholeheartedly.

 

“Happy new year!”

 

Donghyuck leans forward slowly, almost like a repeat of that night. It turns out it’s an exact repeat because he catches the look of panic on Mark’s face. His eyes widen and the color in his face drains. His large smile is wiped and it happens so quickly Donghyuck doesn’t have the time to recover.

 

Mark panics and he grabs the nearest person on his right. And he kisses them.

 

It’s some girl. Her hair’s pink and she’s shorter than both of the boys. She’s skinny and her outfit is wonderful. Donghyuck can’t tell who it is, but he sees enough. It’s nobody. It’s anybody but Donghyuck.

 

His heart falls. Again. If the kiss from homecoming hurt, then this killed him. He’s stuck watching the two make-out. It’s uncomfortable and he kind of feels like throwing up. The girl seems really into it and so does Mark.

 

Donghyuck’s tempted to rip the two apart. He wants to yell at Mark, hit him, spit at him. How dare he? What was he thinking? All of these questions flood his mind and he definitely is about to hit someone. He doesn’t have it in him to hit Mark, though.

 

He lets Jaemin kiss him shortly before he escapes upstairs. As he runs up the stairs, the music fades away behind him. God, he’s so stupid. He feels like an idiot and he hates feeling like an idiot. It’s the worst feeling on the earth.

 

Mark had already rejected him once, but now he has to go reject him twice. It definitely hurts a lot more the second time. Donghyuck needs to take a hint and realize Mark doesn’t like him at all.

 

He rushes into the guest room, slamming the door shut. The music completely stops as the door closes, and familiar calming anti-anxiety music replaces the loud bass. He finds Sumo. The St. Bernard is startled from the loud noise and gets up from his comfy bed. The cute puppy looks very angry as he watches Donghyuck pace back and forth.

 

“Fuck, I’m such an idiot!” he screams into his hands.

 

“No you’re not,” an unfamiliar voice tells him. Donghyuck screeches in shock and looks back at a kid with green hair. “I’m sure you’re very intelligent.”

 

Donghyuck’s breakdown gets interrupted by this complete stranger. Who does Jaemin even invite? The kid with the green hair stands from his kneeled position on the other side of the bed. He groans about his bruises, and Donghyuck gets a closer look at his face. It’s Jisung’s friend, Chenle.

 

The breakdown is resumed.

 

“No, I’m pretty sure I am,” he admits as Chenle sits on the small couch. “My best friend just rejected me _again_.”

 

Chenle moves from the couch to the large bed and lays across it. He lets his head hang off the edge as he listens to Donghyuck rant. He nods as an indication to let the frazzled teen to continue.

 

“I don’t know what I was thinking just kissing him again when he hasn’t even talked to me for a month because I kissed him,” he rants. “The reason why we were so distant was because I kissed him. And what did I do five seconds ago? Try to kiss the idiot!”

 

The other hums and nods. He watches upside down as Donghyuck paces across the room.

 

“Seems to me you’re a hopeless romantic,” he responds quickly after “and an idiot,” he adds.

 

Donghyuck stops, glaring harshly. “Geez, thanks a lot,” he snaps. Then, he sighs in an attempt to calm himself down. “Who even are you?”

 

Chenle sits up quickly, and complains about a head rush. “I’m Chenle, a sophomore and very tired.” The younger gets up and collects his things. He has a bunch of random stuff, like chargers and jackets. He even gives a kiss to Sumo.

 

“What lame-o sleeps at a party?” he teases.

 

The younger snaps to a stop and gives a blank stare. “What lame-o kisses someone before they confess?” he dully says. “Bye, hope your love life cleans up!” he calls as he leaves the room.

 

Donghyuck really is an idiot. So much of an idiot that even a stranger agrees.

 

-

 

It snows a lot where they live. It never fails to snow in January. When the biting cold mixes with the rain, it freezes and snow days become more of a hopeful game. It’s fun living in the Northeast, but Donghyuck has never been a fan of snow. He loves summer and he loves going outside to feel the summer breeze.

 

He hates staying inside and avoiding the freezing temperatures. The roads are usually horrible, keeping him away from all or any activity. Snow keeps him inside. He hates snow.

 

But right now, he can’t be anymore happier with the two feet of snow outside his window.

 

School’s been out for two days now, the weekend coming in quickly. The roads aren’t even that bad, but they called out just in case. He’s grateful because he doesn’t have to face his friends or Mark. The guitarist is annoying and has probably told everyone about their situation.

 

Donghyuck is resting peacefully in his bed. The warm heater in the corner is nice and his nose doesn’t feel dry with the new humidifier he’s bought. Overall, it’s a wonderful day off.

 

The one thing ruining his day off? Jeno sent him a text reading _the guys r all coming ovr now._ Donghyuck wasn’t freaking out, but he sort of was. All of the guys were coming which meant Mark was coming. He’s so screwed.

 

The last time he saw Mark was during that cursed New Years Eve party. He constantly reminds Jaemin that his parties suck and that he should stop hosting them because they always lead to some shit. If it isn’t absolute humiliation, then it isn’t a Jaemin party.

 

 _Get ready we’re going sledding_ , Jeno’s second text reads.

 

Donghyuck groans as he rolls out of bed. His feet hit the bare hardwood floor and he regrets ever getting up when he feels the first cold breeze. He wears a thousand layers to protect his body from the chilling snow outside. As much as he hates snow, Donghyuck does enjoy sledding. The three layers of socks better work.

 

Going downstairs, he can hear Taeyong humming a tune. Donghyuck rounds the corner to see his older brother stirring something in a pot. His mom sits nearby, reading the morning paper with her scrubs on.

 

“Hello, sunshine,” she greets with her warm voice. “Look like a marshmallow all bundled up like that. Going anywhere?”

 

“Just sledding with the guys,” he answers.

 

Donghyuck searches for his snow boots as a notification dings from across the room. He picks up his phone to read the message. The guys were outside and waiting for him to open the door. They were also freezing their asses off. He goes to open the door, and once he does, Renjun’s already complaining about the drastic change in temperature. He goes on a spiel about climate change and the lack of attention it’s gotten.

 

They’re all in, trying to warm up the slightest with Taeyong’s soup. Mark’s the last to enter with his coat and hoodie. His hat flattens his hair and Donghyuck’s tempted to tease him about it, but he doesn’t know if he should. Maybe Mark’s back to ignoring him.

 

“You look like a marshmallow,” Mark comments with a teasing smile.

 

“And you have lego hair,” he teases back simply.

 

So it’s back to normal.

 

“You boys be safe, okay?” his mom adds just before they leave. “I really don’t want to treat another broken bone,” she directs towards Donghyuck as she points a finger at him.

 

The last time he had his mom treat his broken bones was when he was fourteen and jumped down Mark’s steps for a dare. She didn’t really want him to repeat the treatment by doing something stupid during sledding.

 

They all stuff into Jeno’s van quickly. Donghyuck’s stuck with Renjun in his lap and he makes a point in trying to push him off. During their drive to the hill, the van slips on the road a couple times. The boys scream for fun when the tail of the car starts to glide. It’s stupid and dangerous, but black ice is everywhere and they try to look at it lightly. If they crash on the side of the road, at least it’d be going laughing.

 

They finally make it to the hill in one piece, safe apart from the anxiety of driving on dangerous roads. Jeno and Jaemin get the sleds out from the back and Jisung’s the first to slide down the whole hill. It’s a giant hill the boys always visit when it snows. It’s fast, kind of dangerous, and away from everyone else. Nobody knows of it, yet.

 

“Last one down is a rotten egg!” Donghyuck challenges as he jumps on the sled. It’s fast and some snow sneaks it’s way into his boot.

 

By the time he’s at the bottom of the hill, Mark’s already there. He’s sitting in the snow, sled discarded to the side, and making a miniature snowman. The boy looks up from his work, smiles, and gets up with his sled.

 

“Guess you’re the rotten egg,” he jokes before he makes his journey back up the hill.

 

Donghyuck stays on his sled for a second as he contemplates how to go about this. A couple days ago, he tried to kiss Mark, which didn’t go too well. They could both use the excuse that they were drunk, but the same could be said for Homecoming and Mark remembered that. Maybe they’re both tired of playing this game of cat and mouse.

 

Maybe they just want to be back to normal.

 

Who knows anymore with those two?

 

Donghyuck’s still at the bottom of the hill when he hears screaming behind him. It’s Jaemin and Renjun sliding down fast. They’re yelling at him to get out the way.

 

He tries to get up quickly until he realizes his foot was buried in the snow, slowing him down from escaping. The two were barreling towards him faster and faster, yelling and yelling for him to move, but Donghyuck was stuck. Before he knew it, he felt the two crash into him.

 

With a face full of snow, Donghyuck winces and tries to stand. A piercing pain spreads throughout his leg in small needle like pains. It shocks him so much he falls right back on his bum. He gasps when he feels the pain again.

 

“Fuck, my mom’s gonna kill me,” he says first. Then, “Fuck, this hurts.”

 

Jaemin quickly stands, rushing over to help Donghyuck up. Renjun complains about his back, but once he sees the situation he moves to help as well. The two struggle to get him up. The two are carrying Donghyuck up the steep hill, and the rest of the boys try to meet them halfway.

 

Jisung’s panicking, talking about hospitals and bills as they put him in the van.

 

“Do we have that kind of money?” Jisung gasps as they drive back to Donghyuck’s house.

 

“His mom’s a nurse,” Mark answers softly. “You feeling okay?” he directs towards Donghyuck.

 

He groans like a zombie and sticks his tongue out at Renjun and Jaemin’s sympathetic faces. It really wasn’t their fault, but he was going to drag this out as much as he can.

 

“Feeling real peachy,” he cheekily responds, pointing down to his awkwardly shaped ankle. It was already bruising and swelling. It’s most likely a fracture, which sucks.

 

Jeno goes over a speed bump roughly, causing Donghyuck to bump his ankle even more. He hits his friend upside the head and curses him for being so reckless. He speeds even faster.

 

Five minutes past and they make it to the house. They carry him to the house and Taeyong’s the one to open the door. With a look of disappointment, he opens the door wider and glares at his brother. All six of the boys enter the house, freezing their asses off and worrying about the safety of their friend.

 

“How’d this happen?” he asks once they get Donghyuck on the couch.

 

Everyone stares at Renjun and Jaemin, waiting for them to answer. Taeyong looks angry with his arms crossed and brows furrowed. Donghyuck stays on the couch, immobile as he sips on his soup.

 

“We accidently ran into Donghyuck when we were sliding down the hill,” Renjun mutters.

 

“My parents can pay the expenses,” Jaemin asks, guilt flooding his voice.

 

Taeyong sighs in frustration, running a hand down his face. “Jaemin, stop throwing your money around.” He looks down at Donghyuck, and his face softens at the sight of his injured brother. “Mom’s taking a nap. Guess I’ll have to play doctor today.”

 

He goes to the kitchen to make a call, leaving the boys in the living room around Donghyuck. He hates feeling useless like this. Mark’s looking at him like a hurt puppy and he wants all of them to forget about it.

 

“It’s not even that bad,” he mumbles to cover the silence.

 

Renjun sits on the couch by his feet and lightly taps his ankle. Donghyuck grimaces at the touch and curses at his friend for even trying something like that.

 

“Seems pretty bad to me,” he concludes.

 

Taeyong comes back, looking frazzled and panicked. “Johnny’s coming over with the stuff to treat whatever that is,” he informs. “Teenage boys are so stupid.”

 

Mark makes sure his ankle is elevated with pillows and jackets. He also keeps bringing out soup for his younger friend. It’s so sweet, Donghyuck almost wants to throw up. Why does Mark have to make it so hard to hate him?

 

A ring from the doorbell sounds and Taeyong moves to answer it quickly. His face morphs into a calm one, completely relaxed and happy to see his boyfriend. Johnny appears with bags from CVS, and their unofficial manager stands there with a wide smile. He gives Taeyong a quick kiss for greeting before making his way towards Donghyuck.

 

“What happened to you?” Johnny asks with a playful tone as he sits down in front of him. “Someone finally knock you out?”

 

Taeyong sighs and tucks his head on Johnny’s shoulder. “I think he fractured his ankle, but I really hope it’s just a sprain.”

 

Johnny looks it, moving it around a bit to inspect it further. The tall man has an intensive knowledge in broken bones because of the shitty bar he owns. You see a lot of broken bones when so many bar fights break out. Donghyuck tries not to cry when Johnny moves it a certain way.

 

“He’s not passed out, so that’s a good sign,” he states.

 

Mark comes back from getting an ice pack. “Hey, Johnny,” he greets. He hands the pack over and Hyuck mutters a thanks. “You guys can head home if you want. I’ll stay back just in case they need an extra hand,” he whispers to the others.

 

The other guys leave, but not without doting Donghyuck first with hugs and a thousand wishes for him to feel better. It’s nice how much his friends care for him. It’s nice to have good friends there for him. They leave and soon, Johnny, Taeyong, and Mark are left taking care of him before his mom wakes up.

 

Mark doesn’t do the most. He gets the ice pack and keeps him company with poorly timed jokes and puppy videos. It’s mostly Johnny and Taeyong doting around him and treating him like a baby. Taeyong coos about the days he would look after his sick baby brother, but Donghyuck just stares up with an unimpressed look.

 

“I’m not five anymore,” he mumbles when Taeyong starts taking his temperature.

 

“Sure, you’re not, but you are hurt and I am taking care of you,” he responds, slapping a warm towel on his head. He then leaves to join Johnny in the kitchen.

 

Mark lets out a chuckle, but continues to look at his phone.

 

“What are you laughing at, huh?” he jokingly snaps.

 

Mark leans back against the couch and looks up at Donghyuck with a lazy smile. His seat on the floor is accompanied with blankets and pillows. The fireplace is on and it gives him a yellow glow that shouldn’t be good lighting. But Mark looks warm, and so does his smile.

 

“You guys are funny,” he answers, “that’s all.”

 

Donghyuck stretches out as much as he can and yawns, “Being injured is tiring.” Silence follows. Comfortable silence is so overrated. “Why don’t you go home?” he asks to fill it.

 

Mark rests his head on the couch and sincerely searches for Donghyuck with those big eyes. The orange twinge in them from the fire’s reflection makes it look like his eyes are glowing. The song on his phone is a familiar tune from his mixtape. Donghyuck couldn’t remember the artist, but the singer’s soft singing was comforting.

 

“Because I care about you,” he answers. His voice is barely audible, but it’s there. And it hurts.

 

Donghyuck shakes his head and sadly smiles. He plays with a strand of wavy hair on Mark’s head. It was messy and out of place from the otherwise straight hair. Right now, it’s black. It’s different from the warm light coffee brown look he had in the fall.

 

“You’re my best friend,” he whispers back.

 

Mark lightly grabs his hand. “And you’re my best friend.”

 

Donghyuck further looks for the meaning behind his friend’s words. His expression leaves zero clues. It’s just Mark. Mark and his stupid face. It’ll be hard to fall out of love with him.

 

Both of them know it’ll end soon. It’s winter and soon Mark will be moving across the country. Why ruin this now and further exacerbate the pain? Donghyuck was having a hard enough time understanding the loss of his best friend. He could never do that to himself.

 

So, for now, Mark Lee is his best friend.

 

A moment later, his  tired looking mom comes down the steps. The bags under her eyes still remain, but her skin glows from her nap. Her hair is up, but her fly-aways make her look messy. She still looks half asleep, but once she takes a glance of her youngest son, she’s wide awake and fuming.

 

“ _What did I tell you, idiot?_ ” she shouts in korean. “Look at you.” She swears at him, lovingly of course. She reprimands him for being so careless, but only because she loves him.

 

Donghyuck tries to smile innocently, but it doesn’t work on his mom. She’s past his bullshit and she’s got that look on her face. “It wasn’t my fault?” he tries.

 

She moves over to see the damage. “Hello, Mark. How are you sweetie? How’s your mother? Is your brother enjoying Connecticut? Has he visited for break?” she rattles on as she cares for Donghyuck’s sprained ankle.

 

“I’m good, good, yeah,” he answers sweetly. “My mom’s great and, uh, my brother just went back last week. He loves it up there.” Mark’s always so sweet to Donghyuck’s mother it’s sickening. As if he wasn’t already perfect.

 

His mom finishes up cleaning Johnny’s homemade cast. She explains how to treat the sprain and goes on a lecture about safety. She then tells him he’s stupid, and then she gives him a kiss on the forehead.

 

“Mark, sweetie, will you please help him upstairs?” she asks kindly. “I’m going to start dinner.”

 

Mark complies easily. He helps Hyuck up the stairs by wrapping his arm around his middle and allowing the other to rest some of his weight on him. Donghyuck tries to use the railing to his best ability. He nearly falls backwards at the last couple of steps. Mark catches him by tightening his grasp, and Donghyuck forces the blush on his face to disappear.

 

“You suck at this,” he stabs playfully.

 

“You suck at walking,” Mark scoffs.

 

They finally make it to Donghyuck’s room. Its familiar warmth surrounds them both. Mark gently lets him go when he tries to lie on the bed. The plushies make it hard to get comfortable, but Donghyuck arranges them in a way for him to cuddle.

 

“You still have that?” Mark points out, talking about the stuffed dolphin from summer.

 

Mark won it for him on the boardwalk over the summer when they had a gig over there. It was a simpler time. Summer was so much better. The sounds of the waves filled their ears every night for a week, and Donghyuck misses when he could wake up at six a.m to catch the sunset on the beach. Summer was simple.

 

Winter’s complicated and cold.

 

“Of course,” he answers easily. “You worked very hard for that dolphin.”

 

Mark moves around the room to elevate his foot. “Ha ha. Because winning a boardwalk game is _so_ hard,” he teases. Once he finishes, he goes to lie down next to Donghyuck.

 

“Yes!” Donghyuck says loudly. “They rig those games, don’t you know?”

 

The orange dolphin lies on top of Mark, and he turns to look at Donghyuck with a blank expression. He then moves the dolphin’s head around. “I’m sorry for being such a shit friend,” he says in a funny voice.

 

Donghyuck’s smile grows and so does his heart.

 

“Mark is an idiot,” he adds in an even funnier voice, still moving the dolphin with his words.

 

Donghyuck laughs at its ridiculousness. Mark continues to make fun of himself until he slowly stops.

 

“Was that your apology?” Donghyuck asks, searching his face for anything deeper. “Well,” he adds, picking up a pink teddy bear and moves its head to say, “I’m sorry for making things awkward.” His voice was high-pitched in a cartoon way, which makes Mark laugh.

 

In all, it’s a really weird exchange, but it works for them because past the stuffed animals and the cartoon voices, they both mean it. After their little show, Mark plays his drafts and they listen to the songs he’s been crafting. They’re good and Donghyuck remembers how talented his best friend is.

 

They lie next to each other in silence, listening to the beats and Mark’s words. Donghyuck falls asleep to the sound of a great album and he remembers what it all means. Mark’s leaving.

 

-

 

Donghyuck’s wobbling on a crutch by the time he returns to school. The small sprain required a wrap and not much else, but his mom still demanded crutches to prevent further pressure. He has to use the elevator to move around and gets to leave class five minutes earlier, which is nice.

 

He’s on his way to third period when he runs into Chenle.

 

“Oh,” the sophomore starts, “you’re the one who kissed his best friend. How’d that work out?”

 

Donghyuck pauses on his crutches and looks around the empty hallway. Chenle looks warm with his sweater and jeans. He’s a cute kid with good fashion sense, and Donghyuck feels insecure with his outfit choice. In comparison, he looks like a slob with his sweats. He never took notice of Chenle during school hours. He had met him that one time at the party, but that was it.

 

“We’re still best friends,” he answers cautiously. “What are you doing out here? We still have, like, ten minutes left in class.”

 

Chenle runs a hand through his blonde hair and shrugs. “I’m in student council.” It didn’t explain anything. “Jisung told me all about your band. When’s your next gig?”

 

Donghyuck is conscious of the time, but decides to carry on this strange conversation, anyway. He knows nothing about Chenle expect he knows how to tumble, he’s in student council, and he sleeps at parties. He’s just as weird as Jisung.

 

“We haven’t had a gig in awhile,” he replies. “We’ve been having a hard time finding one because our manager kind of forgot about us.”

 

Chenle gasps and reaches around for his backpack. “I know the perfect place,” he celebrates. He hands him a piece of purple paper and continues to walk down the hall. “You guys should check it out.”

 

The strange boy leaves the hallway and Donghyuck’s alone, looking down at the paper curiously. It’s a restaurant.

  
  


Jisung drives home with Mark and Donghyuck now. He says the bus is gross and now that they’re friends, Jisung’s never going to take the bus until he gets his own license and car. So, he joins them on their after school trips to McDonald’s. He eats his nuggets in peace as he listens to his headphones.

 

Donghyuck brings out the crumpled purple paper and rips out the headphones in Jisung’s ears. He straightens it out and displays it for the kid.

 

“Met your friend Chenle in the halls today,” he states. “Saw him again in chemistry. He’s real weird. He gave me this.”

 

Jisung stops enjoying his nuggets for second to inspect the flyer. “Oh, that’s his family restaurant.”

 

Donghyuck looks at Jisung like he’s stupid and then back at Mark. Then back at Jisung.

 

“Yeah, no shit,” Mark jokes. “Why would he give Hyuck a flyer to his family restaurant?”

 

Jisung shrugs and continues to eat his nuggets without answering the question. Donghyuck looks back at the crumpled piece of paper and types the address in the gps. Once the robotic voice announces the directions, Jisung panics. He’s making all sorts of noises of protest.

 

“We can’t go!” he demands.

 

Mark pulls out of the parking lot very slowly. “Why not?”

 

It was strange to see the usually calm Jisung freak out so hard over directions. At one second, he was minding his own business and in the next, he was threatening to take over the wheel.

 

“Because I have homework,” he lamely tries. It’s an obvious false excuse because Jisung was just talking about how free his Monday was.

 

Mark listens to the robot lady and makes a left turn.

  
  


It’s about dinner time when the three make it to little Chinatown. The small restaurant looks busy from outside, and the bright lights make it welcoming. Meanwhile, Jisung was jumping on his feet. He did not want to go inside at all.

 

Donghyuck was freaking out because Jisung wasn’t helping with his antsy movement. He had no idea what his deal was, but whatever it was, it was getting annoying fast. Mark was more chilled as he strolled into the restaurant.

 

Upon entering, royalty-free music was playing. It smells like grease and they’re greeted by the host.

 

Chenle sits by the stand with his homework, and he asks, “How many?” without looking up. His pen stops moving and he finally looks up. “Jisung,” he breathes out with a smile.

 

Donghyuck looks between them carefully. He notices the red blush on Jisung’s face and he observes how Chenle twiddles with his pen. Mark seems to notice too because he gives Donghyuck a cheeky grin.

 

“Nice little restaurant you guys have here,” Donghyuck compliments, dragging a finger across the colorful fish tank. “Why would this be the perfect gig place?” he asks right away.

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” he laughs. “Just thought it’d be cool if you guys performed here.”

 

Donghyuck looks around once more and hums. “We’ll do it.”

 

Jisung’s jaw drops and he straightens up to compose himself. “We will?”

“Why not?” Mark shrugs. “Johnny isn’t hooking us up with his bar friends anymore. This’ll be fine. Great way to jump back in.”

 

Jisung points to the crutches under Donghyuck’s arms and gapes. “How is he going to perform with a sprained ankle?” he tries.

 

Donghyuck hits Jisung with one of his crutches. He was injured, not inept. He can still sing.

 

“If you guys are ever in need for a manager,” Chenle begins with a grin, “I’m always here.”

 

“Oh, you don’t need to do that,” Mark says easily.

 

It was true that their unofficial manager, Johnny, wasn’t the most engaging manager. He’d promote them around with his bar friends, but he never really dedicated himself for their high school band. It was understandable. Johnny had his things to handle, and it was more of a side hobby than anything. He enjoyed helping them a little, but it was never serious.

 

They didn’t think they needed a manager. They were happy managing themselves, but somebody had to arrange gigs when they couldn’t.

 

“Here’s my number,” Chenle states as he grabs ahold of Jisung’s arm. He begins to write out numbers in sharpie on Jisung’s forearm. It’s big so he wouldn’t miss it. “In case you change your mind.”

 

The wide smile on his face never disappears. Even after someone rudely complains about their food to him, he deals with them positively and charms them to contentment. Maybe it wouldn’t be that big of a mistake to hire him. They need someone likeable and easy to talk to. Chenle is just that.

 

With a promise for a pop-up show on Saturday, the boys leave and Jisung’s left with his crush’s number on his arm.

 

Donghyuck would consider it a successful trip.

 

-

 

Saturday is hectic, to say the least. Mark keeps screaming at Renjun for forgetting the amps and Jeno’s screaming at Mark for screaming at Renjun. Johnny would usually check their van for them before they left, but he hasn’t for awhile. They thought they would be fine without the extra check, and for a bit it was working fine. Obviously, they were wrong and their luck had run out.

 

“They’re your amps,” Renjun defends himself. “Why are you yelling at me?” His voice slowly raises to a shout.

 

Meanwhile, Jisung’s pacing back and forth in front of the restaurant. He chews his nails off, mumbling about amps and an upset stomach. Donghyuck keeps an eye on him as he drinks his jarrito. He nearly drops everything when Jisung starts gagging.

 

“Okay, let’s settle down,” he says from his seat.

 

Jaemin wakes up from his nap and rubs his eye roughly. “Why are you guys so loud?” he grumbles. “Don’t we have a show?”

 

Mark calms down the slightest. He takes a big breath and walks away from the two. His hands find his way to his hair and he starts tugging when Renjun says something under his breath. Donghyuck carefully watches the three as well as Jisung. Jaemin goes back to sleep.

 

“We’ll have to do without the amps,” Donghyuck cautiously suggests. “Unless you guys wanna make a last minute run back.”

 

Mark looks at him like he’s dumb and shakes his head. Instead of dealing with the situation at hand, he goes inside the restaurant. According to Chenle, he invited everybody he knew, which meant the whole school. It was crowded with high school students and the inside was obviously rearranged for the night.

 

Donghyuck wonders how Chenle managed to pull something as cool as this off. He wonders how he transformed the stereotypical restaurant into a party scene. Chenle knew what he was doing. Donghyuck was impressed.

 

Their guitarist comes back outside, the loud music from the restaurant leaking outside as he opens and closes the door. A new group of teens enter right behind him. He looks tired and avoids Renjun’s gaze.

 

“Chenle says the stage is ready,” he informs, voice strained with stress. “Says we can get up whenever.”

 

Renjun wasn’t nervous for the first time and actually got up to enter without hesitation. He seemed more annoyed than anything. The others follows quickly, even the slugged, sleepy Jaemin. Donghyuck and Mark stay back for a second.

 

They stand in the middle of the parking lot. Hyuck has his arms crossed as he observes Mark’s mannerisms. It was unlike their usual pop-ups. Mark was actually the stressed out one this.

 

“What’s up with you?” he asks without holding back. “Why’re you throwing your diva fit?”

 

Mark rolls his eyes and stiffens. “I’m not throwing a diva fit.” Donghyuck raises a brow at him accusingly. “Okay, yeah. It’s justー” he takes a deep breath, “my other friends are here.”

 

Donghyuck’s eyebrows raise in amusement and he guffaws. “Oh, so you’re stressed because your _other_ friends are here,” he giggles out. “Poor Markie-poo.” He teasingly mocks Mark’s pout.

 

Mark hits him lightly on the shoulder. “They’ve never seen me like this,” he mumbles.

 

“Like what?” Donghyuck challenges, straightening out Mark’s sweater.

 

He gestures towards the van. “Like a musician or some shit like that. They see me play lacrosse and now they’re seeing this.”

 

“They are your friends, right?”

 

“Yeah?” Mark wonders as he waits for the point.

 

Donghyuck playfully shoves him, a wide grin on his face as he says, “So you should be excited. Show them what you got.”

 

“I don’t know, Hyuck,” he shakingly starts.

 

Donghyuck grabs his cheeks and pinches them. He forces Mark to look directly at him as he starts his supportive speech.

 

“You are the most talented person I know. You rock every show and you are the craziest guitarist. You’re the best artist to save the music industry,” he praises. “God, I’m gonna miss you. California’s a bit too lucky.”

 

Mark exhales and nods. He wraps an arm around Hyuck’s shoulder and drags him in the dark restaurant. He can hear Jeno playing around with his drums and Jisung picking something fun for the crowd. They play with the crowd for a while before Donghyuck wobbles on the stage, ankle still sore from the sprain.

 

The restaurant was lit up by neon purples and blues. It looked crowded with so many people. The tables were pushed to the side with a few diners. Chenle was serving them desserts as they waited for the show to begin. He was making sure everything was rolling smoothly behind the scenes.

 

The first chord rung out throughout the room.

 

The show had begun and Saturday was a bit hectic.

  
  
  


In the end, it turns out people love them. People from Donghyuck’s classes were cheering him on and bopping along their songs. He couldn’t dance like he usually could, but on his stool he still enjoyed interacting with the crowd. Jisung took over the dancing part.

 

It was a fun set to attract more listeners. In the end, Chenle hands out little cards with their social medias as people left with smiles on their faces. He also handed out samples of his mom’s chicken.

 

“You guys are so cool,” he gushes when he meets them upfront after closing up. “I actually listened to you guys.”

 

Donghyuck is extremely fond of the kid and takes the compliment greatly. To catch somebody's attention is all he desires to achieve. If he can’t engage the audience, then he’s failed as a performer. He’s proud they could capture Chenle’s attention so easily.

 

To the side, Mark’s talking to his friends with a wide smile on his face. They’re obviously impressed and Donghyuck looks over with interest. He recognizes them as his teammates and a few other girls he’s friends with. He doesn’t want to look creepy just watching them, but that’s exactly what he does.

 

They leave and Mark looks satisfied with himself as he heads back.

 

“How’d they like it?” he asks him once he sits himself down with the rest of the guys.

 

Mark turns his head, the satisfied smile still spread on his face. “They loved it,” he grins. “They said they might come to more shows.”

 

Donghyuck nods along. “That’s good. I told you, you had nothing to worry about,” he replies. “You’re a fucking legend, Mark Lee.”

 

The blush on Mark’s face spreads for a second. He acts like it was never there, but Donghyuck catches before he could deny it. He looks down at his lap with a hidden smile and his heart twirls for the millionth time around Mark. Just when he thought his stupid crush could let up for a moment.

 

“Speaking about legends,” Mark segways. “Chenle, would you like to be our unofficial official manager? Just in case Renjun forgets the amps again.”

 

Renjun directs his middle finger towards Mark, who ignores him and waits for Chenle’s answer.

 

“Oh my god, am I a part of The Dreamers?” he gushes.

 

Donghyuck looks up from his lap and stuffs the blush off his face before anybody else can point it out. He forgets about Mark and focuses on Chenle.

 

“You’re a dreamer now,” he says.

 

They welcome Chenle to the team and Jisung promptly throws up on his shoes.

 

-

 

The next time he sees Chenle is in chemistry class. They’re in a lab and got to pick their own partners. Donghyuck was in a class filled with sophomores, so he didn’t expect Chenle to sit directly next to him. He was a bit shocked because Chenle had a ton of friends in that class and usually ignored Donghyuck in favor of hanging out with his sophomore friends.

 

He sets up his highlighters and different colored pens along with his planner as he waits for further instructions from the teacher.

 

“Hello?” Donghyuck greets when Chenle doesn’t say anything.

 

Chenle turns towards him with his wide smile. It’s probably permanent by now from how much he smiles. He’s just a sunny kid who charms everyone.

 

“Have you confessed to Mark yet?” he asks with that cheeky smile.

 

Donghyuck wants to wipe it right off his face. He looks around the classroom like somebody would pop up and expose him further than Chenle already has.

 

“What do you mean?” he stupidly responds.

 

Chenle draws a heart in his notebook with his pink highlighter. “It’s obvious you guys like each other, but your both stuck in this internal conflict of risking your friendship. So, both of you are silently hoping this passes.”

 

Donghyuck remembers ranting to Chenle on New Years Eve, but he never mentioned Mark’s name. He didn’t even know Chenle back then. He was still a stranger and knew nothing about the two, but he’s reading them like an open book.

 

“It’s better that way,” he mumbles, fiddling with his pen. Chenle looks unconvinced. “What about you and Jisung?” he tries in order to direct the attention away from his love life.

 

Chenle looks confused, straighten up at the mention of his friend. “What about him?”

 

“It’s obvious you guys like each other,” he mimics Chenle from earlier.

 

“Stop trying to change the subject,” the sophomore interrupts. “Why don’t you just confess and you guys can fall in love. Happy ending?

 

Donghyuck sadly draws hearts on his own paper. His hearts looked more like blobs and less neat than Chenle’s. His hearts were sadder.

 

“There’s no happy ending in this story,” he pathetically concludes.

 

The teacher begins talking and their conversation is cut to an end.

 

As much as Donghyuck wished for a happy ending, he knew he would never get it. The story had already made up its mind. Whoever thought it’d make a good tale to share was wrong. It wasn’t fun at all. It hurt and nobody enjoys sad endings. Especially Donghyuck.

 

He wished and prayed on shooting stars for their story to end magically, but it never worked. He should have sucked it up and confessed a long time ago. His feelings never made up their mind. His crush never lasted more than a week. His crush on Mark decided to stick this year. The worst year to stick.

 

Mark hadn’t ever tried to reinforce those feelings. Even now, he ignores every advance. It just wasn’t bound to be.

 

Mark was going to a far away land and never coming back.

 

He had to just get to used to the fact now or else he never will. 

 

-

 

Valentine’s day sucks.

 

It always has and that’ll never change. It’s a marketing scheme made by happy couples to make single people sad about being single.

 

In high school, everybody’s dating. If you’re not hearing about somebody fucking then is it even high school? Donghyuck gets bombarded by couples every day. On his way to his locker at the end of the day, there’s always this couple making out. The guy’s giant backpack always blocks his way and Donghyuck always has to shove them to get to his textbooks.

 

He doesn’t mind couples, he doesn’t, but he hates the obnoxious ones. Like the ones blocking his locker right now.

 

“Okay, if this keeps up I’m actually going to beat your asses,” he threatens when he finally gets tired of it.

 

The girl backs away with a disgusted look on her face. It’s like she’s disgusted by Donghyuck’s actions. The big red balloon in her hand makes him want to pop it with the pen in his hand.

 

He probably looks furious, but this guy’s backpack is exactly over his lock. Donghyuck makes a gesture for them to move and they do, but not before the girl calls him an asshole. He doesn’t care though because Mark’s out in the parking lot waiting for him so they can drive home and away from this couple ridden hell hole.

 

Call him bitter, but he’s not really feeling Valentine’s Day. The last time he celebrated the day was when they still received candy boxes in school.

 

Donghyuck collects his things and heads out. Along the way, he witnesses three present openings. One girl got a giant teddy bear and another got a huge bouquet of roses. It’s even worse when their boyfriends are unoriginal.

 

He must look very grumpy because when he jumps into Mark’s car, he slams the door and kicks his shoes up on the dash very aggressively, and Mark comments on his mood.

 

“Well hello, sunshine,” he greets. “What’s got you so grumpy?”

 

Donghyuck grunts in response and closes his eyes to compose himself. “Where’s Jisung?” he asks out of the blue.

 

The missing presence of the sophomore directs the attention somewhere else for a second. Turns out, Jisung found another ride with Jeno and ditched them. It doesn’t last long because Mark’s back to being annoying and trying to get inside Donghyuck’s brain.

 

“Seriously, what’s up?” he prodes.

 

Donghyuck takes note of the song playing in Mark’s car. He turns up Wu-Tang Clan and drowns out Mark’s questions. He raps along and when Mark’s mouth moves with questions, he ignores it and turns up the dial further.

 

“ _And let's start it like this son, rollin' with this one_ ,” he mouths along.

 

Mark eventually gives up and starts rapping along too.

 

The car’s audio sucks, but they’re having too much of a ball to pay attention to the way his speakers static. The song ends and jumps right into _No Diggity_. Donghyuck taps his feet against the dash with each beat. Mark lowers the volume and goes back to figuring Hyuck out.

 

“You gonna tell me your feelings or are you gonna just bottle them up and be mad at me later for not letting you release them?” Mark questions. Ironic.

 

“It’s nothing,” he brushes off. “You get anything from your many admirers at school today?” he tries so the conversation could shift.

 

It works well enough because Mark starts talking about the chocolates his lab partner gave him and the love letters in his locker. Donghyuck continues to listen to the music and eventually tunes Mark out.

 

“Can I stay over yours tonight?” he asks once Mark’s done. “Taeyong’s probably having weird jungle sex with Johnny and I’d rather not be there for that.”

 

Mark guffaws and starts his car in response. He texts his mom about his whereabouts even though she was probably asleep and preparing for an all-night shift. They roll out of the parking lot humming to Dr. Dre. Right by the exit, somebody is confessing their love with their giant truck.

 

The two eventually make it to the small suburban home as they listen to Mark’s nineties playlist. Donghyuck was just starting to appreciate the Spice Girls when Mark turns his car off.

 

“My parents are out for their anniversary,” Mark informs as he opens the door to his house with his keys.

 

His keychain jingles as he walks into the cozy home. He’s still humming “Say You’ll Be There.” The heart shaped chocolate box and letters are securely in his hand. Donghyuck follows after, throwing his shoes off to the side as he warms up.

 

They migrate to the kitchen, where Donghyuck routinely grabs the fanta cans out of the back of the fridge. He also grabs the babybel cheese circles because he never gets to enjoy them unless he’s at Mark’s house. Once they’re done their pickups, they move to the living room couch.

 

They start to watch cartoon network as they eat their snacks in silence. The theme song for Teen Titans Go starts and Donghyuck wordlessly changes the channel.

 

“Hey, I like that show,” Mark protests.

 

“You are a child,” he responds as he surfs through the channels.

 

They settle on watching a horror movie on Netflix. It’s a terrible movie with even more terrible actors. Soon, they begin talking about who would die first in a horror movie amongst their friend group.

 

“I’m just saying,” Donghyuck chuckles out, “Renjun would not last a day in a slasher film. Have you seen his ankles?”

 

Mark laughs. Donghyuck hates his laugh. It makes his stomach twist.

 

“He would just fall over and the killer would just murder his ass,” he laughs out.

 

They laugh like it’s the funniest thing in the world. Mark goes to retrieve his chocolate box and they move out of the living room and into his room. It’s a messy room with things scattered everywhere, but they sit on his bed and ignore the mess.

 

The discussion moves to the love letters Mark received. They eat chocolate contently as Mark reads the letters in Shakespearean style.

 

“Your hair flops over your eyes in a delicate manner, which makes your face seem even more delicate,” he reads dramatically. “Oh my god, this sounds like utter bullshit.”

 

Donghyuck grabs the pink paper and scans it over before teasing, “Like your love songs are any better.”

 

“My love songs have substance,” he responds with a british accent.

 

A question pops up in his head for second before he stuffs it down his brain. He has always wondered why Mark wrote so many love songs when he never really loved anyone. He hadn’t fallen in love with anyone because if he had, he would have told his best friend all about it. Right?

 

“How do you write your love songs?” he asks, his mouth working faster than his brain. It’s already out there. “Since the last person you dated was Carrie Murphy sophomore year, and I’m pretty sure you guys weren’t in love.”

 

Mark slow chews his carmel chocolate and shifts on his bed. His socked foot bumps into Donghyuck’s knee, and he reaches over for his CD player. He puts in his favorite CD and listens to Nas as he thinks about his answer.

 

The gears in his head are working. Donghyuck waits for his answer, laying on his side with his arm cushioning his head. Mark leans against the headboard, playing with the wrapper with each passing second.

 

“I don’t think you have to experience love in order to write about it,” he finally answers. He turns towards Hyuck and smiles lightly when he realizes Donghyuck has been staring.

 

Donghyuck disagrees. “Isn’t the whole reason why we write songs is to share our experiences?” he voices. “Music is personal and makes the artist vulnerable.”

 

“But we also share stories,” Mark reasons. “Stories don’t always have to be true.”

 

“I think,” Hyuck begins, “songs should be based off experience.”

 

Mark joins Hyuck in laying down and cushions his head with his left arm in order to face the other. He has this look on his face. It’s the same face he uses when they make music together. His eyebrows are scrunched together in thought and his lips are tucked in anticipation. He looks down at a spot on the covers and readies himself for the response.

 

“What are your love songs about?” Mark counters.

 

Donghyuck freezes.

 

“They’re about my crush,” he answers carefully.

 

Mark looks serious as he responds softly, “So are mine.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. spring

 

 

 

 

 

 

_SPRING_

 

The weather is warm in spring. 

 

Donghyuck loves it so much. He can already feel his tan warming up. He can’t wait for spring break and the days countdown. The anticipation kills him. A break was much needed because school was starting to hurt his brain. With tests piling up as break neared closer, Donghyuck only wanted to drop out and fly far away. 

 

Of course, he couldn’t do that and was stuck in chemistry class. 

 

He was taking notes of the lab they were doing. Chenle was diligently following through with the instructions and closely followed every rule. Donghyuck wrote down what he saw and started to bullshit some answers.  

 

“Oh, I got you guys a tour,” Chenle casually mentions as he pours something into a beaker. 

 

Donghyuck wasn’t really paying attention until he heard the word _tour_. They’ve never done one of those because they felt as if they weren’t relevant enough. The band had a growing audience, even though he pretends not to pay attention to that stuff. But they did have two hundred thousand followers, and recently have gotten verified on twitter and instagram. No big deal. 

 

A tour was long overdue with the summer album they had released. Pop-up shows apparently weren’t enough for their eager fans. Chenle had mentioned that, almost like he knew what was going on behind the scenes (they found his fan account). 

 

“Excuse me?” Donghyuck gasps, choking on thin air. “Did you just say tour? As in multiple locations with set concert times and tickets?” 

 

Chenle looks up from the beaker through his wide goggles, making him look like a bug. He looks at the older like the answer is obvious. 

 

“That is the definition, yeah,” he slowly answers, dragging out his vowels. 

 

Donghyuck slaps down his notebook and his eyes blow wide. “Now how the fuck did you do that?” he excitedly asks, voice a little too loud. His voice carries throughout the lab and the sophomores all turn to stare at him. He waves back before they all return to their projects.

 

Chenle smiles proudly, obviously satisfied with himself. “I did a bunch of e-mailing and now you’re going to five cities,” he explains confidently, shoulders back and stance proud. 

 

“You’re kidding,” Donghyuck laughs in disbelief. The grin on his face hurts his cheeks and he can’t believe it. He can’t wait to tell the others. 

 

The young prodigy nods with his cheeky smile. “And I set you up on a bunch of interviews for some music magazines,” he pauses like he’s about to drop even better news. “Congrats, Hyuck. You guys are the new Rising Indie Artist this year.” 

 

“Shut up!” he shrieks in excitement. The teacher shushes him, but he’s too enthusiastic to care. “Chenle, I can’t believe you did this,” he praises, kissing his friend on the cheek loudly. 

 

“What do you mean?” he genuinely questions. “You guys are the ones who achieved this. I’m just the one with the great managing skills.” 

 

The bell rings and Donghyuck quickly rips off his safety apron and goggles. He leaves Chenle to clean up the rest, but not before giving him one final kiss on the cheek. He bids him a quick goodbye, and he rushes to his usual route. 

 

He makes it to Jaemin’s locker, tossing his body onto the lockers to make a big noise. It scares Jaemin because he actually flinches and curses under his breath, glaring hard when he realizes it was Donghyuck who scared him. The mischievous boy simply laughs and leans against the maroon lockers.  

 

“What’s up, you goblin?” he greets after calming down from the scare. 

 

“Something absolutely wonderful, you devil,” Donghyuck responds, his smile ripping through his face. 

 

Jaemin looks at him skeptically, closing his locker slowly as he watches his friend closely. When Donghyuck doesn’t respond right away, he ignores it and moves the conversation along. Jaemin is good at ignoring things he doesn’t want to get involved in, like the reason behind Donghyuck’s shit-eating grin. 

 

He no longer feels like holding back and practically screams, “We’re going on tour!” 

 

Jaemin stops looking so bored and his eyes widen comically, his mouth widening in awe. Then he gets a serious look on his face, and he grabs Donghyuck’s face roughly, cheeks squeezing together harshly. 

 

“Donghyuck Lee, it is not okay to joke about these things,” he threatens. “Are you serious?” 

 

He tries to grin, but his cheeks are smushed so he ends up looking funny. “I am completely serious,” he cheers. 

 

Jaemin releases his face cheers as well. They get some looks from other students, but they don’t care because they’re going on _tour_. It doesn’t matter how big the venues or crowds are, they are going to perform beyond Pennsylvania. That’s all that matters. 

 

When they tell Renjun, he actually threatens to hit Donghyuck for lying about something as serious as that. He then goes a rant about how sometimes his jokes aren’t funny and it’s really offensive, but Hyuck’s too happy to care. 

 

“Renjun, I would not joke about a tour,” Donghyuck slowly reassures. Jaemin nods along with his words. 

 

The chinese boy looks at them skeptically, unconvinced. A second later, he takes out his phone to text Chenle. It takes three seconds before Chenle sends their tour poster in the groupchat. Only then, Renjun gets up from his seat in shock. 

 

“Holy shit!” he gasps loudly. “You weren’t kidding.” 

 

The digital poster is covered in primary colors and they could tell Chenle really used his digital design skills for this one. Five stops were being promoted and their band name was blown up at the top. The Official Northeastern Tour. He also sent an article review about them, and it was filled with nothing but positive praise. It was weird to see their name in that kind of light. 

 

People on twitter were freaking out, tagging them on posts and screaming about their excitement. There were the occasional disappointed fans that were crying about the locations and being too far away from them. Jaemin made sure to use their account to console those crying fans. 

 

“I can’t believe we’re gonna tour,” Renjun mumbles as he stares at the announcement on their twitter. 

 

Donghyuck is equally as ecstatic, his heartbeat high in excitement. He was going to have to tell Mark once he sees him and Jeno’s going to absolutely freak once he finds out. Neither of the boys ever check their twitter page or their phones during school and are probably unaware of the mayhem. 

 

Their lunch period ends with the topic of hotels floating around. They would have to talk about the logistics of the tour later, but right now they were too busy bouncing off the walls. He goes to his next period, nearly bumping into five people as he texts Jeno to meet him in their usual meet-up bathroom. 

 

He walks into his english class for a second before leaving for the bathroom. The bell hasn’t even rang yet, so there’s a few people still in the halls. Donghyuck dodges some of them and finally makes it into the bathroom. 

 

It’s mostly empty, but a group of guys come in, probably before their lunch period. Donghyuck pays no mind to them and sits on the bathroom counter as he waits for Jeno. He’s scrolling on his phone, smiling down at their fans posts. 

 

Jeno comes in after the bell rings. He comes in with his cute-self and cute outfit. Donghyuck squeals in excitement, a noise he never knew he could make, before jumping down and dragging Jeno to the big handicap stall. 

 

“We’re going on tour,” he says right off the bat once the door is closed. 

 

Jeno automatically opens his mouth in shock, eyes wide in amazement and he fumbles around with his hands as Donghyuck shows the group chat message. 

 

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” he asks in shock. 

 

Donghyuck shoves the phone further in his face, big smiles on both of their faces. “If you’d look at the group chat more often, then maybe you wouldn’t have to hear it in a bathroom stall.” 

 

“I muted you guys a long time ago,” Jeno confesses. 

 

He inspects the poster closely, eyes squinting because he forgot his glasses. He compliments the design and the wide grins on their faces aren’t wiped. 

 

They both know it’s the start of something wonderful. 

 

-

 

Tuesday. 

 

Tuesdays are when they practice. They haven’t had the opportunity to practice in a long time, but with the new tour announcement, some things are going to have to be refined. Logistically speaking, they had no idea what they were doing. 

 

Donghyuck sits on Jeno’s beat up couch in the garage, stuffed between Jisung and Jaemin as Chenle presents his ideas on a posterboard. It was very colorful, obviously color-coded and deeply thought about. Jeno stretches out his legs on Jaemin and Hyuck, yawning as Chenle went in depth about their travelling plans. 

 

His explanations fall to deaf ears as none of them pay attention enough. 

 

“Any questions?” he asks once he’s done. He stands with that hopeful grin, eyes searching for all of the band’s attention. 

 

Donghyuck looks around and doesn’t feel as guilty for not paying attention when he realizes the others weren’t either. He raises his hand slowly, and Chenle points to him with his plastic pointer. 

 

“You kinda lost me at budget,” he admits as he gestures towards the green areas of the poster. 

 

Chenle drops his plastic pointer in frustration and tears his poster down from its stand. He crosses his arms and huffs in anger. After that, he picks up the poster and carefully places it on the coffee table. 

 

“What am I supposed to do when you guys don’t even wanna listen?” he whines. 

 

Mark shifts in his seat on the beanie bag and begins, “Maybe if you made it seem less like one of your student council meetings and more like a band meeting, then we wouldn’t get so disinterested?” 

 

Chenle uncrosses his arms, sad expression still on his face. “And what’s a band meeting like?” he asks, genuine curiosity filling his tone. 

 

Mark looks at Jeno, who’s too busy playing games on his phone. “My dad’s out fixing cars at the shop,” he informs. 

 

Mark then looks back at Chenle. “Definitely not like any of your student council meetings.” 

 

Fifteen minutes later, they’re all on the couch, laying on top of one another, and sharing a  joint. One that Mark rolled up all by himself. Chenle’s giggling about his poster and Donghyuck’s listening to his rambling. 

 

“We’re gonna need at least one adult,” he giggles. “Definitely not one of our parents if our meetings look like this.” 

 

Donghyuck buries his head further into Mark’s neck and closes his eyes. He can feel the vibrations as he talks about bringing Johnny and Taeyong with them on tour. It feels funny, and Mark smells nice. He smells like spring and weed. 

 

“We also need places to sleep,” he rambles on. Donghyuck listens. 

 

Jaemin plays with Donghyuck fingers as he proposes his own idea. “I can ask my dad if we can use his reward points for some hotels,” he offers. He takes a big puff from the joint and hums before handing it over to Hyuck. 

 

He blows the smoke in Mark’s mouth with a small giggle, his face red with a blush. Mark just blows it right back. Jisung takes it right out of his hand and takes a pull for himself. 

 

Jeno takes it next. “I’m not driving to every single stop, you understand?” he directs towards Mark. 

 

The garage is very smoky and it feels stuffy in a way that makes Donghyuck want to break free from the pile. He’s way too comfortable under Mark’s arm, though. 

 

“We’re gonna be fucking legends,” Renjun declares when silence falls over their conversation. 

 

-

 

First stop, Philadelphia. Close to home and familiar. 

 

Spring break has started and they have six days to make this the best break in the history of breaks. 

 

“Donkey, did you pack your inhaler?” Taeyong asks out of the blue as they pack the van. Donghyuck groans at the nickname and rolls his eyes because he hasn’t had an attack since he was ten. “Just in case,” he adds. It’s almost like he can read minds. 

 

Mark passes by with bags, bumping into Hyuck with a teasing smile. “Yeah, Donkey,” he pokes. 

 

“Okay, I really want this little roadtrip to go smoothly and without me actually choking _anyone_ ,” Donghyuck threatens as he points an accusatory finger towards his brother. 

 

The van’s finally packed with all the necessities. Chenle takes a picture to update their fans and he brags about how much of a better manager he is to Johnny, who finds himself endeared with the small businessman. 

 

Jeno’s van can only fit six people, so the others stuff into Mark’s car. Taeyong agrees to take the first drive in Mark’s car towards Philadelphia. It’s a short drive, forty-five minutes of traffic and staring outside the window. 

 

They’re all settled and ready to go. Donghyuck rides shotgun and waits for the adults to finish their discussion outside. He fluffs his neck pillow, carefully watching as the two outside point at their phones about directions. 

 

“I think my brother’s gonna break up with Johnny,” he concludes from that interaction. 

 

From the backseat, Jisung chews on his tastykake and calls bullshit. “How can you tell?” he asks with a full mouth. 

 

Donghyuck shrugs. “Just can. He’s never lasted this long in a relationship before.” 

 

They finally end their conversation, kissing each other shortly before returning to the cars filled with annoying teenagers. Donghyuck gags at the obviously pushed pda. They’re covering for something, something he can’t figure out right now, but he will. 

 

“You kids ready?” Taeyong asks upon entering the car. 

 

Mark’s already asleep and Jisung’s too engrossed in his tastykake to respond. Donghyuck just tells him to drive. 

 

The radio gets tiring very quickly. He almost punches it when he hears the same pop song twice. Angrily, he digs through the glove compartment for something worth listening to. He just finds Mark’s tapes, different feelings, locations, and people written on them. He also finds baggies of weeds and commends his friend for being a complete stoner (he hides them away for later). 

 

He finds the unlabeled mixtape from awhile ago, when they had listened to it in the McDonald’s parking lot. Donghyuck moves it around his hand, looking at the a and b side. Still, nothing is written on it. 

 

Finally, he slides it into the old car and waits for the first song to start. 

 

“That one of Mark’s tapes?” Taeyong asks, one hand dangerously on the wheel. 

 

The song begins, a soft instrumental that probably sounds even better high. Donghyuck glances over at the rear view mirror, his head resting against the cold window. The sound of the car rolling over the road is distant, the stereo muffling the tires. He sees Mark in the corner of his eye, already passed out. His head uncomfortably rolls back, mouth wide open in a state of deep sleep. 

 

Donghyuck can’t help but imagine Mark constructing the tape, carefully recording each track to fit his mix. He’s seen him before in socks and boxers, glasses on the tip of his nose as he worked tirelessly on his tapes. Donghyuck watched him work for over two hours before the music nerd actually finished, handing over his summer mixtape with a tired grin. 

 

“Yeah,” he softly responds as the song changes again to a weirder song. He remembers listening to it that first time and wondering why Mark had liked it. It was actually kind of cute. 

 

He wonders why the tape’s unlabeled. Mark always labels his tapes with sharpies, his messy handwriting always dedicating each one. The fact that it was left empty confuses him, but maybe he’s just overthinking as usual. 

 

He listens to it the whole way there. They make it to the hotel just in time. Donghyuck takes the tape out and tucks it into the pocket of his jacket. 

 

Taeyong parks far from the hotel in order to avoid paying any crazy price for overnight parking. It’s a long distance to walk, but at least they don’t have to pay. Johnny parks even further, and their van is the one filled with most of their stuff. 

 

“Wake up,” he persists as he shakes both Jisung and Mark. 

 

Jisung gets up first, zipping up from his seat and lugging his pillow and blanket with him like a toddler. Mark takes a little fight, clinging onto the least bit of sleep left. 

 

Taeyong’s taking out their bags and asking for help, but the two sleepy boys just wander away towards the direction of the hotel (they were walking in the opposite direction). They eventually make the whole five block walk to the hotel, and it’s one of those hotels Donghyuck sees in the magazines. It’s one of those fancy ones that he’d only dream about staying in. 

 

They didn’t even _have_ to stay in the hotel, but nobody wanted to drive that late. Plus, Jaemin’s dad had a lot of business points left. 

 

“I’ll go check-in,” Taeyong announces, huffing as he carries most of the bags. “You guys wait here.” 

 

Jisung’s already back to sleep on one of the lobby sofas. His yellow blankie and mini pillow were clutch tightly, and his tall body covered most of the sofa. Mark rests next to him, slowly falling down on top of Jisung. 

 

The rest of the guys come in looking tired and angry at Johnny. 

 

“Why did you have to park so far?” Renjun asks, rhetorically. “So you wouldn’t have to pay an extra forty for parking?” he screeches. 

 

“You’ll understand once you have your own credit card,” Johnny responds with a threatening glare. 

 

They check in and get to their rooms. After a very loud conversation, they settle on roommates. Donghyuck ends up rooming with Mark for the night. 

 

“Should I go with the blue or the black shirt tonight?” Mark asks from the bathroom. 

 

Donghyuck flips the tape between his fingers, inspecting it hard enough to burn it. He was already ready for the concert and was waiting up for Mark. As he was lying on the stiff hotel bed, he was gazing away at the small cassette tape. 

 

“I have settled with my neon scribble shirt,” he announces once he steps out of the bathroom. 

 

Hyuck shifts his head to see the outfit and a smirk grows on his face when he sees his best friend’s carefully constructed outfit. He looks nice with his black denim jacket and black jeans accessorised with a neon belt. To top it off, the silver necklace adorns his long neck nicely. Mark looks nice. 

 

“You sure know how to dress,” he compliments, jumping off the large bed. “Let’s go, the guys are waiting. You literally take forever.” 

 

Mark looks at himself one last time in the large mirror, moving around to get a good look at how the outfit fits on him. Donghyuck has to actually drag him out. 

 

Like he said, the guys were in the hallway waiting. Hotel hallways have a different air to them. It’s like they’ve stepped into a different dimension. The fancy hallway wasn’t narrow like most hotel hallways are, but they still have a creepy feel to them. 

 

The guys lean against the wall, talking aimlessly to each other. Once the two are out, they make a move to leave towards the elevators. They must look like a group of punks in there because a man in a very clean suit shifts when he sees them approach. He even goes as far as tightening his grip on his suitcase. 

 

“Nice arms, Jeno,” Donghyuck comments on the tank top. Jeno always wears them just so he can flex on the other guys. He looks like a real punk. “We get it, you work out.” 

 

The elevator dings on arrival and they rush in, rowdy and loud in excitement. The businessman scowls when they start hooting loudly for no reason. The elevator starts shaking a bit and the man actually starts sweating. 

 

The boys run out of the hotel like a bunch of rowdy teenagers, business people giving them looks of disapproval as they run past. Johnny and Taeyong hang back, strolling casually hand in hand, laughing at their rowdiness. 

 

Jeno opens the van from the back and Donghyuck immediately jumps onto the couch they installed back there. His jewelry jingles from the movement and he bounces on it, his nerves rushing through his veins. In two hours, they’re going to start their first ever tour. 

 

It’s insane to think about and he forgets about everything else going on. He forgets about school, grades, and even Mark’s stupid mixtape. He focuses on tonight and never looks back. 

 

He plays with the buttons on his blue tropical shirt to calm himself down. It doesn’t work because his hands are still buzzing. 

 

“You gotta calm down,” Mark chuckles out next to him. He goes as far as grabbing his hands and squeezing them with his own. 

 

Donghyuck’s mouth gapes unconsciously. His eyes follows Mark’s movements, up his arm and finally up to his face. He closes his mouth immediately after their eyes meet, and he tries to find something witty to respond with, something to hide the mild panic. 

 

“I think Renjun needs it more,” he stupidly responds. 

 

Mark looks over at Renjun, who looks green to the face. The van starts moving and his face grows sicker and sicker with each passing moment. Mark just looks back at Donghyuck with an easy smile. 

 

“He does it all the time,” he responds as a joke. “He’ll be fine.” 

 

Johnny turns on the radio and blasts Pearl Jam. Donghyuck forgets about his nerves and focuses on the song playing throughout the van. 

 

It only seems to rile them up more. He spends more time banging his head to the music, bangs flying all over the place and totally ruining his hair. 

 

Mark and Jeno run into each other. It’s chaos. Jaemin even takes off his shirt at one point. Jisung pounds on the roof with his fist and Chenle’s loud voice fills the back. If the atmosphere in this van gets them like this, they can only imagine how they’re going to act on stage. 

 

They arrive and all jump out of the van, and people who have been lining up get a glance of them and start screaming in excitement. Jaemin bows exaggeratingly, shirt in hand, causing more mayhem in the line. He winks before Donghyuck starts shoving him forward. 

 

Chenle starts talking to the venue workers with his clipboard. The rest of the guys start setting up the stage. Donghyuck proudly places his green fake palm tree in the corner. He turns quickly to continue setting up, and he bumps roughly into Mark, who was carrying the carpets. 

 

“Shit,” Mark says bluntly as the carpets start unrolling. He looks up, big grin painting his face. “One hour,” he reminds. 

 

Donghyuck shivers. “Don’t remind me,” he mumbles. “I’m so nervous. What if we screw up? Then people are gonna start returning their tickets and we’re gonna be complete and utter failures,” he rambles. 

 

Mark grabs onto his shoulders with a tight, comforting grip. Donghyuck refuses to look at him in the eyes and settles for staring up at the venue’s ceiling. The older then grabs onto his chin and forces him to look at Mark. 

 

“You’re nervous,” he states. It’s the obvious. “You’re talented, so fucking cool, and a fucking legend.” 

 

“Those are quite a lot of potty words, Mark Lee,” he teases in response. 

 

Mark just giggles. _Giggles_. “You have nothing to worry about,” he reassures. “They’re gonna love you.” 

 

The words make him feel all warm inside. For that moment, he feels all better. 

 

The VIP ticket holders were going to come in for soundcheck and a meet and greet. The nerves were still riding in his mind, but excitement comes in larger. Mark’s earlier words of encouragement still linger in his mind, causing him to feel fuzzy with love. 

 

By the time they’re done setting up, soundcheck is starting and fans are starting to swarm in. Donghyuck watches a girl totally shove a man to the side just to get a good view in the front. A laugh threatens to burst as he sits lazily on his stool. 

 

“Hello, you beautiful and sexy people,” he says into the mic. The small crowd of fifty cheer, throwing out words of love. 

 

Soundcheck runs smoothly and one girl actually starts sobbing when they check one of her favorite songs. It’s hilarious and he’s not sure if he’s used to this public display of admiration. 

 

It amazes him, how people have spent their hardworking money just to see them play the stupid songs they’ve made in Mark’s basement. Their albums were amateur, silly child’s play, but they’ve captured an audience, an audience he loves for bringing them together. 

 

The meet and greet goes wonderful. One boy asks Jaemin out to prom and he actually says yes. Another girl asks Jaemin to be her first kiss and he actually says yes. Jaemin’s a big fan favorite with his heartthrob and boy next door looks. 

 

“I don’t know about you guys, but this is going to be fucking legendary,” Jeno proclaims ten minutes before showtime. 

 

Like always, backstage is dark. The door is right there, waiting to be opened. Their pre-show huddle is tight, the energy passing through them all. Renjun has his eyes closed as he listens to the cheers outside that door, and Jisung’s lightly jumping up and down. Jaemin has his fingers drumming on Hyuck’s shoulder. 

 

Mark has the cross of his necklace in his mouth, praying quietly to himself. Donghyuck watches him with a light glance. Mark lifts his eyes the slightest to meet Donghyuck’s gaze. The soft smile shared between them is private just for them. 

 

“First day of tour,” he sighs. The cheers seem to grow louder. “Let’s rock this.” 

 

On cue, Taeyong makes the house lights fall and the opening chord to the first song on the set plays. The screams are deafening. Renjun opens the door and the blue concert lights flood in. They run out, pushing each other slightly to go faster. 

 

Donghyuck stands in front of the crowd. His stomach swirls and he hears Mark play his first chord. 

 

He sings. 

 

-

 

Back at the hotel, Donghyuck can’t sleep. 

 

His wet hair smells like honey from the shampoo his mother packed for him. It’s a bit cold and the sheets are stiff and the blanket isn’t warm enough. He wonders if Mark’s asleep yet. 

 

He shifts on his side, looking over in the dark towards his friend. 

 

“Mark?” he calls into the night. 

 

A second passes. “Yeah?” Mark’s tired voice replies.

 

Donghyuck glances over at the nightstand between them, and the cassette tape sits there, untouched. He grabs it carefully and sits up, running a hand through his wet orange hair. 

 

“What’d you dedicate this mixtape to?” he asks finally, the curiosity eating him alive. 

 

Mark turns on the light and stands to join Donghyuck. His sweats drag on the floor and the glasses on his face make him look cozy. Donghyuck curses at himself for getting that stupid feeling in his stomach. 

 

He finally has enough and it’s like something snaps in him. It’s really weird, and he doesn’t know why he’s decided to do this now at one o’clock a.m. 

 

“I thought I was stupid,” he begins, voice low and quiet, “but now I’ve realized it’s you who’s the idiot!” until it isn’t. 

 

Mark looks at him with tired eyes. Donghyuck stands up and throws the mixtape at him. 

 

“They’re all my favorite songs and some are even about love,” Donghyuck continues, and his voice raises in volume. “I was thinking about how dumb I was. I couldn’t even realize that this stupid mixtape is about me!” 

 

Mark’s mouth goes to open and a sound comes out, but Hyuck’s already beating him. He will not have his rant interrupted like this. The other even tries to stand with him, but he just shoves Mark down. 

 

“You’re really stupid for not telling me anything. Do something for once in your life, Mark!” he shouts into the room. He turns around in a moment of frustration, sighing loudly. “And I know I’ve blown it with my stupid congested feelings and I’m so dumb for not realizing sooner that the stupid, swirly, fuzzy feelings in my stomach weren’t just any other feeling.” 

 

He sighs even more, the frustration bubbling with sadness. 

 

“Hyuck,” Mark’s soft voice tries. 

 

Donghyuck tosses his hands up even more and shifts his eyes everywhere, refusing to look at Mark. 

 

“And you’re so talented and your mind is so beautiful, but you’re so dumb, you don’t even realize it. I’ve been kissing you and you’ve just been running. You’re running away from me,” he keeps going, voice quieter. 

 

The loud noises of the city play behind them. A beat of silence in the room pauses between them, but it’s so loud. Who knew silence could ever be this boisterous. 

 

“And I’ll never love anyone as much as you, and I hate you. I fucking _hate_ you,” Donghyuck seethes, fists punching him without any real fire. 

 

Mark catches his fists with that stupid grin on his face. He hold them tight, and Donghyuck feels like his skin is burning with the touch. The blush on his face threatens to grow as he finally meets Mark’s eyes. 

 

“I’ve had the biggest crush on you since like sophomore year,” Mark confesses. 

 

The words aren’t enough to calm him down, however because in a second the young singer is back to thrashing around, shouting out claims of hatred when he mean the exact opposite. 

 

“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” he repeats like a litany. His arms are pushing away Mark’s outstretched hands, and his legs keep moving him backwards. “Why did you wait so long to─”

 

Mark catches him with a kiss. 

 

It’s a rushed kiss that doesn’t quite hit the mark, but it’s enough of Hyuck’s lips to catch him. Their teeth hit at first, but then Mark pulls back only for Donghyuck to pull him right back in. His lips move slowly, savoring the kiss. 

 

It’s unlike the homecoming kiss. None of them are drunk and both of them know what they want. It’s the complete opposite of the homecoming kiss. 

 

Mark’s lips move slowly with purpose. They’re so soft. Donghyuck hums, melting into it and falling a bit as he wraps his arms around the older’s neck. Mark catches him. 

 

“I’m so sorry I waited so long to tell you I love you,” Mark whispers between them. 

 

Donghyuck’s smile grows impossibly wide. “Really?” he sings. 

 

He goes back into the kiss and it lights him up. The fuzzy feeling intensifies. The hand on his cheek is gentle, Mark’s thumb stroking a small part of his cheek. 

 

When they separate, Donghyuck has a silly grin on his face. He giggles under Mark’s wonderful gaze. 

 

So, okay, after years of awful pining, all it took was Donghyuck to yell at Mark for being stupid. 

 

Easy. 

 

-

 

The night doesn’t automatically solve all their issues. It’s a lot more complicated than that. 

 

Donghyuck wakes up, entangled with Mark. At first he’s chill about it, but then he absolutely freaks out because _holy shit_ this is his best friend, who just confessed he’s been in love with him since sophomore year. 

 

Mark has his head tucked under Donghyuck’s arm, glasses still dangerously on his face. He’s going to break them one day. 

 

“Wake up,” he shifts. “The breakfast bar closes at ten.” 

 

Mark stretches out his limbs and bumps his elbow into Hyuck’s face. Before he can say anything, Donghyuck covers his mouth with his hand and makes a comment on morning breath. He then crawls out of the bed and tads off to the large bathroom. 

 

He brushes his teeth, and Mark waddles in. Their eyes meet through the mirror, never facing each other truly. Donghyuck doesn’t let his eyes wander to the growing hickey on Mark’s neck, and instead shifts his own shirt to cover the one on his collarbone. 

 

It’s a very silent morning. Their daily routines follow easily. The silence is comfortable, but there’s something in the air that puts him at unease. Neither of them mention the night before. 

 

Their hands bump together as they make way to the dining area of the hotel. At one point, Mark links their pinkies together. 

 

Renjun’s the first to comment on their change. 

 

The rest of the guys were still asleep, missing out on the free breakfast for longer sleep. Obviously, Donghyuck, Mark, Renjun, and Taeyong had their priorities straight. Renjun and Hyuck were the only ones sat because they were content with their bowls of cereals. While he eats Frosted Flakes (without the milk), Mark stacks his plate with breakfast meats like bacon and ham.  

 

“You guys are acting weird,” Renjun comments with a mouthful of Apple Jacks. Milk dirties the corner of his mouth. 

 

Donghyuck licks his thumb and wipes it off for his friend. “Weird?” he challenges. 

 

Renjun narrows his eyes at the other singer, holding his cereal bowl closer to himself. 

 

“Something happened,” he guesses. 

 

“Geez, put away your detective skills, Junnie,” Donghyuck tries to joke lightly, the nervous laughter getting the best of him. 

 

His friend continues to squint his eyes at him. It’s like he’s trying to read his mind, and it’s really freaking him out. 

 

“Mark’s wearing his blue turtleneck,” Renjun continues to slowly put together. “It’s sixty degrees. That’s practically scorching.” 

 

Donghyuck pops his eyebrows up. “Congratulations on working the weather app, buddy,” he sarcastically jabs. 

 

Just in time, Mark slides in next to Renjun with his large plate. He goes on about how he’s never been to a rich people’s breakfast bar, celebrating his healthy choices. Something about protein and fruit. 

 

He doesn’t even get to talk about the watermelon cubes when Renjun’s crappy hands reach out to yank down the turtleneck. He does it so quick, the two don’t even realize what happens until Renjun’s loud gasp cuts through the hall. 

 

“Oh my god,” he gasps. “You guys,” he whines. 

 

Mark quickly fixes his shirt, affronted by having his whole neck in view. 

 

“I feel like I’ve just been violated,” he says dully. 

 

Donghyuck ignores him and responds to Renjun, “Do not say anything,” he sternly tells him. 

 

Renjun’s surprised expression falters and it’s quickly replaced with a smirk. “Wouldn’t dare to.” 

 

Taeyong comes back from the breakfast bar, and Donghyuck can already see the glint in Renjun’s eyes. He can see the way his mouth twists into a wicked grin. He can see how he opens his mouth, the mischievous look splattered all over his face. 

 

“Donghyuck made out with Mark,” he tells the older once seated. 

 

Taeyong widens his eyes, face blank and frozen as he holds his fork. He stares at his brother completely confused, like he’s waiting for an explanation. Donghyuck doesn’t want to give one, and instead, he buries his face in his hands. 

 

“Well, um,” Taeyong coughs, forcing a smile, “just make sure it doesn’t interfere with the, uh, band.” 

 

He peeks through his fingers to catch a look at Mark, whose face was burning red with embarrassment. Renjun is still grinning that hideous grin. 

 

The only thing that was preventing Donghyuck from breaking every bone in Renjun’s body was the fact that they had a show that night. He removes his hands and mouths colorful curses at the boy. He makes gestures with hands, insinuating he was going to choke and slit his throat. 

          

Renjun just takes another spoonful of Apple Jacks. 

 

-

 

Some sightseeing wasn’t really necessary, but they decided hanging around for a bit wouldn’t hurt considering they didn’t have to leave for another couple hours. 

 

So, Mark and Donghyuck walk aimlessly along Penns Landing with dippin’ dots. The river makes light noises against the barriers. It’s sunny and really hot, but the riverside is still bustling with people. Tourists and locals alike buzz around. 

 

Mark gave up on his turtleneck from the moment he left the hotel. 

 

“Hickeys are so tacky,” he commented when Mark reappeared from getting changed. 

 

The older just looked down at his outfit and gave a humorous smile. “I tried to stop you,” he jokes. 

 

In reality, Donghyuck doesn’t really have any self-restraint. So, as much as he thinks hickeys are tacky, he still made one on Mark’s neck for no apparent reason. 

 

His self-restraint is so warped that he doesn’t even think before he speaks most of the time. He’ll say things that’d offend and appall people, but he never really cared. He was unapologetic and that’s what made him the person he is today. His mom used to tell him it was an awful habit to have. 

 

It’s an awful habit that he’s never tried stopping, which is why he says the first thing that pops in his mind. Before he can form the words in his brain, his mouth’s already moving. 

 

“So, are we a couple now?” he asks without truly thinking anything through. 

 

None of them were prepared to have this conversation now. Not as they’re sitting by the pier, watching the dirty water slosh against the concrete. 

 

Mark’s eyes are wide, but they widen even more when affronted with the question. He takes another scoop of cookies and cream and chews in thought. He looks relaxed, staring up at the clear sky. 

 

“I think so, yeah,” he answers simply. “I mean, you confessed, I confessed. That’s gotta mean something.” 

 

Donghyuck agrees that it was a dumb question. He plays with Mark’s free hand, twiddling with the bulky rings. 

 

“Let’s just,” he sighs, “take it slow.”

 

Mark’s signature easy smile resurfaces. “I can do that,” he agrees. 

 

Donghyuck stops his hand. He gets bold and plants a quick kiss on Mark’s cheek. 

 

“I hate you,” he whispers, close to his face and observing. “I make you wait this whole time, and you’re still okay with going even slower?” 

 

Mark shrugs, taking another spoonful of the sugary dots. “I guess I’m just a patient person,” he mumbles. 

 

Donghyuck hits him in the arm, nearly sending him off the side and into the river. He curses, a laugh bubbling out of him as he catches Mark’s thin wrist. The older looks appalled at the unexpected violence and goes to push Hyuck off as well. 

 

Laughter sings into the air around them. It’s light and easy. Both of them are enjoying life as it was. None of them were thinking about California or college, or any of that life shit. Today, right now, they had each other. 

 

-

 

The other guys eventually figure it out. 

 

It was on their way to the second stop. Mark was driving his own car with Donghyuck as the passenger. This time, Renjun and Jaemin joined them in the old red toyota corolla. Mark had only one hand on the wheel, and Renjun had made a comment on how unsafe that was considering Mark’s a horrible driver. He’s laughing until he peers over to see where the other hand rested. 

 

It rested in Donghyuck’s hand. 

 

“You guys are dating now, aren’t you?” he asks, deadpan. “Great.” A wide and fake grin graces his face. He then complains about his need to pee and keeps on complaining until Mark pulls over at a rest stop. 

 

Donghyuck and Jaemin decide to stay in the car, listening to the radio a bit in silence. The windows are down because Mark’s air conditioning broke. Jaemin’s in the back smoking a cigarette, which is disgusting. Donghyuck starts dramatically coughing to prove his point. 

 

“My throat is so scratchy,” he croaks out, throwing his head back for dramatic effect. “I would never want to disappoint our fans with shitty singing.” 

 

Jaemin flicks the cigarette out the window just to shut him up. “So, you and Mark?” he brings up out of the blue. 

 

Donghyuck sighs and scratches the back of his neck. He plays with the loose pieces of hair there. 

 

“You guys have always known?” he sheepishly asks. 

 

Jaemin leans over the console and lightly smiles. “We’ve always known. It’s been annoying, but we’ve known.” 

 

“Why didn’t any of you say anything?” he says out of small frustration. 

 

The younger laughs half-heartedly and shakes his head. “We have our own problems too, Hyuck.” 

 

He realizes he’s been a shit friend for the past months. It hits him a lot harder than he wants it to. Sure, he’s been freaking out about the band and college, but he’s never checked up on his friends enough. He realizes he’s never asked. It’s just not something that usually comes into conversation. 

 

Usually, they talk about the band and weird shit like conspiracy theories. Donghyuck hasn’t had the chance to have an in depth talk with any of his best friends. 

 

“I’m sorry for being a shit friend,” he apologies, playing with Jaemin’s earring. “What’re your problems?”

 

Jaemin’s light smile brightens and he leans into the touch. “That’s okay,” he sighs. “My dad wants me to take the company and drop the band to get into _law_ ,” he says the word law like it’s venom. 

 

“That’s shit,” he pouts. “You’re sick on the bass. You can’t just leave.” 

 

The brunette shrugs and replies, “He thinks I’m on a college trip right now to Boston or something.” 

 

In the distance, Mark and Renjun are strolling back from their pee break. Donghyuck keeps his gaze on Jaemin, who’s looking down and avoiding any pitiful looks. He would never assume his friend had any problems. He’s got his life together. His family’s well off and he has a cute dog. What problems could he possibly have? Seems like Donghyuck really doesn’t know anything about him. 

 

“Don’t ever let anyone change you,” he rests with. 

 

“That was so cheesy. Where the fuck did you get that one?” Jaemin scoffs, a playful smirk teasing Donghyuck. “A Hallmark card?” 

 

He roughly pushes Jaemin back and by the time the others are back, they’re done shoving each other. He looks back once more time before they’re off. He knows little about the storm brewing in his friends’ minds. Maybe he’ll get to unravel all of the tightly held secrets.

 

Perhaps another time when they’re older. 

 

 

 

At the end of their second concert in Washington, D.C (which expectantly went wonderfully), a man and a man with a camera came to interview them. They were all huddled around the van, drinking illegal substances that could get them in trouble. A quick look at the portable camera made them hastily hide their stuff away. 

 

Chenle grins as he introduces the man. “This is Taeil, and he’s from Vice,” he says with excitement. “Isn’t that so cool?”

 

Jaemin’s still swallowing the last contents of his bottle before he tosses it into the van. Johnny forces Mark to hide away the weed (sadly). Donghyuck straightens his lazy posture at the entrance. He’s sweaty and tired, but he can make face for an important interview. 

 

“I’m finding new artists on the rise,” the interviewer, Taeil, explains. “Also, looking into the power of teen influence. You guys are pretty hot shit right now.” 

 

Donghyuck tilts his head, a lazy grin growing. “Thanks,” he slowly says. “What do you wanna know?” 

 

The interviewer starts talking, but he can’t find himself to care about the questions. Mark answers most of them professionally. His vast knowledge in music and his passion allows him to answer easily. He makes each answer seem perfectly constructed and well thought out. Donghyuck knows it’s the weed talking because if it wasn’t, he’d be shy and try to act humble. Right now, he’s flexing on all the guys. 

 

Donghyuck loves it. Oh gosh, he loves it. He loves it when Mark starts talking about music and doesn’t stop. He can listen for days and days. The way he talks about music is like he’s talking about the love of his life. It’s showing, and you know he loves it. You know he truly loves what he does. It’s amazing. 

 

It’s so amazing he kind of wants to kiss him again just to shut him up and redirect his focus back at Donghyuck. He wants to be talked about like that. He wants to be a part of that love. 

 

He leans his head on the other’s bony exposed shoulder. His neck’s sticky with sweat, and Donghyuck watches his throat bob. There’s a camera facing him, but he doesn’t care. Mark just keeps his hands waving around, like they do when he starts enthusiastically talking about their album. 

 

“You guys are reaching your final years of high school,” Taeil starts. “What’s in plan after all that?” 

 

The boys stay quiet. Jaemin kicks his foot against the ground, chewing on his lip. Mark coughs lightly. Jeno taps his fingers against the van, and Renjun lowly hums. Jisung speaks. 

 

“I think that’s what connects us with most of our fans,” he responds. “We have no fucking idea ... just like everybody else. We’re just kids like everybody else.” 

 

They all turn to Jisung with looks of endearment. Donghyuck hopes the camera captures their reactions. 

 

Jeno claps his back and says with an easy grin, “Now that’s some true shit.” 

 

With the permission from their “chaperones” Taeil takes them out for something to eat. They eat greasy cheesesteaks outside and they aren’t that good because they aren’t from Philly. The buzzing lights from the outdoor stand are loud. It’s bright and the red counters are stained with sauces. The streetlights are bright too and cars drive by every now and then. It’s late and he’s growing sleepier with each passing second. Mark answers more questions about their music. 

 

Donghyuck’s about to take a big bite into his cheesesteak when Taeil suddenly asks about their love life. He nearly chokes. It’s a random question that has nothing to do with what they were talking about. If this is the segway into getting a closer glimpse into their personal lives, it’s a bit weird. This Taeil guy looks equally as uncomfortable, which means he was most likely forced to ask that question. 

 

Jeno laughs uncomfortably, a little too loud. Jaemin just hits him in the arm to shut him up. 

 

“Who cares?” Renjun snaps, food filling his mouth and muffling his words. 

 

The camera zooms in on him. Donghyuck can see it through the screen. He makes eye contact with Mark, and they look at each other for awhile before shrugging and laughing off the question. Jeno calls Taeil “fucking weird” and that’s the end of that. 

 

“What do your parents think of all this?” he asks next. 

 

Donghyuck takes a glance over at Jaemin, who shifts his stance uncomfortably. The younger looks down and takes a sip of his large fountain drink instead of saying anything. So, Donghyuck speaks for him.

 

“When we’re doing this, we’re doing this for ourselves,” he answers. “Sure, it’d be nice to have daddy’s approval, but we don’t really care. My mom has been wonderful through this whole thing, but I can’t say that for everyone.” 

 

The atmosphere turns serious, their laughter dying down with his statement. The boys are finished with their late night meals and begin walking aimlessly around the unfamiliar city. The cameraman captures them acting like regular teens as they push and laugh and tease. Taeil tries to recover the interview’s atmosphere by asking about school and how they’re perceived there. 

 

The personal questions start piling up. They’re getting a deeper look into their lives, and Donghyuck’s not sure if he wants to share that part of his life yet. He’s not expecting to become a big time popstar, definitely not. People apparently want to know. They want to know who they’re dating if they are, they want to hear about all of that personal stuff Donghyuck struggles to express. 

 

It’s easier for others, but his defense response always kicks in whenever someone’s trying to pick at his brain. So, it’s even worse when it’s a stranger from Vice. He’ll respond with jokes and half-assed responses. Taeil asks how they prepare for a big show and Donghyuck answers a little too honestly. 

 

“We smoke weed,” he confirms confidently. Jeno shoves him into the street. “No we do not because we are law abiding citizens,” he tries to cover as he stares right at the camera, cheesy grin spreading across his face. 

 

They have an impromptu photoshoot. Renjun climbs up a tree and some shots are so good they post it on their pages almost instantly. Taeil takes some for the article and his cameraman records them, capturing raw moments that showcase their friendship. 

 

He’s laughing as he tightens himself closer to Mark in order to fit the shot. It’s supposed to be silly and he doesn’t know what’s so funny, but he lightly laughs like he’s having the time of his life. With Mark by his side, he grins widely. His cheeks sting and he’s smiling with everything he’s got. 

 

-

 

Back at the hotel, it’s hot. D.C's warm and he doesn’t like it. Mark’s hogging up the shower, taking his sweet time and singing on top of his lungs. It’s real late, nearing towards one thirty in the morning. He’s sweaty and he feels gross as he sits in the spinny chair. He leans his head back all the way as he stares at the ceiling and spins. 

 

He tries to put his portable fan closer to his face, but it just blows hot air. Humming a tune as he waits helps him stay awake, his eyes already drooping with tiredness. 

 

“Mark, get out of there already,” he shouts into the room, hoping the other can hear his complaint. 

 

He receives a muffled reply from the bathroom, “Alright, chill out. It’s not every day you shower in a nice place like this. They’ve got three different water pressure settings!” 

 

“Thank God for Jaemin’s rich dad, yeah?” he lamely jokes, standing up to gather his things when he hears the shower stop. 

 

Mark walks out and steam follows after him from his hot shower. He’s red from the high temperature water and he’s also not wearing a shirt. His basketball shorts are low, and Donghyuck can feel his face burn with something as he snaps his head to look elsewhere. He’s seen Mark shirtless before because they’re best friends. It’s normal. Hell, he’s seen his ass before and it’s never bothered him. Except, right now Mark looks a little too good. 

 

Donghyuck’s face is red, he knows that much. He can feel it in his ears and he can feel it on his cheeks. Why he’s reacting like this is beyond him. Maybe it’s the fact that Mark’s now his boyfriend of some sorts (if you’d call it that). It’s only been a day and he’s already acting like a love obsessed puppy. 

 

Mark says something, but he’s too busy trying to sneak into the bathroom to listen. He’s stopped by Mark. A hot hand lightly holds his wrist. It’s gentle and safe, but Donghyuck feels the fires licking up his arm as he faces Mark. He looks down slightly and, oh gosh, of course he’s toned. He’s a bit scrawny and skinny, but he has those outlines that Donghyuck could never achieve. 

 

“Can I please go take a shower?” he pouts. 

 

Mark squints his eyes. “You didn’t answer my question,” he points out before breaking out into an idiot smile. “Wanna watch a movie?” 

 

Donghyuck _really_ tries to keep his eyes up. 

 

“Dude, it’s literally two in the morning,” he whispers dramatically. 

 

Mark looks side to side. “And?” 

 

The younger shakes his head and rolls his eyes before escaping into the bathroom. He turns on the cold water to cool down his heating body. He quickly goes through his routine, and by the time he’s finished, Mark has already started his movie. 

 

“You’re watching X-Men now? Of all times you choose now,” he says as he comes out with his pajamas. 

 

The large shirt is wrinkled and old. He probably looks like a hot mess with his clay mask and hair clipped back. Mark looks like a teenage dream. His glasses make him look like a dork, but it’s cute. 

 

“Come here,” he beckons, arms outstretched. 

 

They connected the two beds earlier so they’re be even closer. As Donghyuck rests in Mark’s arms, thoughts circle through his head. He ignores the action scenes on the TV and instead focuses on twisting his fingers between Mark’s. His hands move to draw patterns on his toned stomach. He’s a bit jealous, to be honest. 

 

He hears Mark hitch a breath as his fingers move closer to the waistband. He’s not doing it on purpose, but he’s stirring some type of reaction. His finger pauses when he hears a low hum and his eyes widen. This was not what he had in plan at all. 

 

“Mark?” he says into the silent room. On the TV, blood splatters and the Wolverine just killed someone. 

 

“Yeah?” Mark replies, voice hesitant. 

 

Donghyuck lifts his head and turns. He’s never been in a relationship before and he’s not sure how to approach this. He doesn’t say anything at first. Mark makes a poking remark about his clay mask, which doesn’t cover his whole face and just paints under his eyes. 

 

He then kisses Mark softly. After pulling away, Mark goes in for more.

 

“Why didn’t you ever kiss me before?” Donghyuck asks once they pull away. “You had no problem kissing random girls at parties.” His brow raises in challenge. 

 

It’s question that’s been on his mind for awhile. He thinks back to New Years when Mark completely ignored him for somebody else. When he thinks about it now, it hurts his ego just a bit. 

 

Mark scrunches his nose and makes an embarrassed sound. 

 

“I just thought it’d ruin whatever and I was scared I’d be a shit boyfriend,” he confesses. 

 

Donghyuck sits up and scoffs like that’s the stupidest thing he’s ever heard. “So, when you ignored me that whole winter? What’d you think that’d do? Scare away my feelings?” 

 

“I wanted to be your best friend and your bandmate. Getting together would just complicate things, but I realized I can’t run away from you forever.” 

 

“Wow, we really are just a pair of fucking idiots,” he replies with a blank face before hitting Mark in the arm. “And what about Californ—” 

 

Mark interrupts him with a kiss. It seems like he’s making up loss time with all these kisses. The hickeys on his neck still haven’t healed. Donghyuck finds out Mark is a spectacular kisser and much more experienced. He actually knows how to kiss _with tongue._ Donghyuck’s just been winging it. 

 

They pull away breathless. Mark’s lips are a bright red. “Forget about all that,” he whispers, their lips still so close they brush. “I’m still right here with you.” 

 

“You’re so fucking corny,” Donghyuck replies before going in for another kiss. 

 

-

 

On their way to the third stop, Jeno takes a turn driving to New Jersey, which was four or three hours away from D.C. Depending on how fast Jeno speeds.

 

“Why are we even playing in New Jersey? Nothing happens in Jersey,” he shouts over the loud wind. “Make it make sense, Chenle!” 

 

Chenle snaps around from his seat in the front. He looks like an angry little boy as he explains for the fifth time, “You have fans there, okay? I tried my best to reach everyone, you ungrateful bitch.” 

 

Donghyuck sticks out his tongue. He has the window seat, Mark’s in the middle, and Jaemin sits sleeping next to them. He curses at Mark for never fixing the A.C and everybody collectively tells him to shut up. 

 

Road trips are fun and all, but they’ve been in this heating car for an hour. They were going to have to make a stop eventually because it was only ten in the morning. Mark forced them to wake up earlier in an attempt to get there on time after they barely made it to D.C. However, Jisung made them late after losing his wallet. They were barely going to make it. 

 

The boys were on high tensions. 

 

Donghyuck’s complaining about how tired he is when Jaemin snaps up from his nap, looking very angry at the other for disturbing his sleep. 

 

“Mark, shut your boyfriend up before I do it for you by throwing him out of this fucking car,” he bitterly threatens. 

 

Mark’s face gets impossibly red. The other guys join with their own stabbing remarks. They all mean well and they’re just joking, but Mark’s face is getting redder by the second. It’s almost like he’s embarrassed. 

 

“Shut up, Jaemin,” he threatens. 

 

They’re all stressed and have been tied together for too long. Their road trip was quickly deteriorating. 

 

He continues to complain. 

 

Three hours later, they make it to the small theatre. Donghyuck’s far past his R.E.M stage and there’s drool on the side of his right cheek. It’s gross, but he doesn’t feel embarrassed about it in front of the others because Jeno snores and Jaemin sleepwalks. Now _that’s_ weird. Mark shakes him violently to wake him up. It takes him a second to become fully aware of his senses. He wipes a dry hand across his face and yawns loudly. The sun’s still up, but it’s on its way out with the orange sunset. 

 

“We only have an hour to set up,” Chenle stresses as he frantically speedwalks to the van. 

 

The guys try to set up as fast as possible and manage to get the stage ready in thirty minutes. Jaemin complains about having to do manual labor for free when they could just hire roadies like every other sane touring artist. Renjun makes a point by telling him their too broke to afford roadies. So, they just try to plug the right wires in the right instrument. 

 

With fifteen minutes to spare, the guys get ready in the “dressing room.” It’s dirty and there’s graffiti painting the walls. The lighting is awful with broken bulbs and insistent ringing. Other than the ringing, it’s silent in the dressing room. 

 

Donghyuck has a cheap CVS makeup brush in one hand and a brandless palette he stole from his mom in the other. Mark is sitting on the grossly stained couch with his eyes closed, allowing Donghyuck to do whatever on his face. 

 

“You know what you’re doing?” he asks, a teasing tone hinted when Donghyuck mutters a curse under his breath. The younger had only underestimated the pigment in the blue shadow. 

 

Donghyuck sighs as he wipes the other’s eye roughly, Mark laughing in response. He pouts when he realizes he just fucked up Mark’s left eye. 

 

“No, not really. Makeup’s hard,” he pouts. “I’m not very good at it, but I like it. Nothing big, just like it,” he admits casually. 

 

He goes in again with the sparkly blue, commanding him to close his eyes again. He doesn’t mess up this time and tries his best to blend perfectly. 

 

Mark keeps still as he admits, “I like it too.” 

 

It’s relaxing. It’s a break from the high rise of stress. Donghyuck’s glad Mark likes it too.

 

Donghyuck pulls his hand away once he’s finished blending the dark blues. He admires his work for a second before Chenle’s bursting through the door and shouting about how late they are (they were only late by five minutes). 

 

The younger boy is shoving them on stage and the stress disappears. The yelling in the car fades into silence and the road trip anger dissipates. Tour is tiring and it’s threatening their friendships, but Mark’s gentle hands anchors Donghyuck. In the purple lights of the show, the dark blues on Mark’s eyes shimmer. 

 

-

 

On the balcony, Donghyuck eats ice cream irresponsibly without caring about how his voice is going to sound like. He eats Ben & Jerry's because Mark’s there too and laughing about some dumb joke he just made. 

 

“So, if you could talk to anyone in the world, dead or alive, who would it be?” Mark asks him, a spoon still stuffed in his mouth. 

 

It was windy and chilly on the balcony, but Hyuck felt warm. His cheeks feel warm and his hand is warm with Mark’s hand placed in his. The gentle hand plays with his rings as he thinks of a smart answer. 

 

“Freddie Mercury,” he responds as he smiles proud. “He was so much cooler than all of us. Maybe he’d give me some pointers.” 

 

Mark nods in agreement. “You don’t need anymore cool points. You’ve already got them all,” he tries to compliment.

 

“You’re so weird,” he whispers before breaking into a quiet ugly laugh. 

 

Mark’s still giggling when he says, “You’re just so cool.” 

 

“Great descriptive words there,” Donghyuck teases as he shifts slightly to sit comfortably on the balcony. 

 

Mark looks tired as he leans back on the balcony bars. His head is leaning back with his long neck in view, his gaze is up at the stars above him. There’s a light blue light tinting his skin. He’s tired and obviously battling with sleep as he struggles to keep his eyes open. The ice cream pint in his lap is scraped empty. His fingers tear it apart. 

 

“You’re so much cooler than I am,” Mark whispers. He’s too much of a teenage boy to formulate the right poetic words in his brain to describe how Donghyuck makes him feel. How he was scared to mess up too. 

 

And because Donghyuck’s too much of a teenage boy to say anything with real substance back he settles with a mumbled, “Thanks.” 

 

It’s quiet again. The ambience of the city fills their ears. Mark slightly shifts his gaze towards Donghyuck, no longer looking at the dulled stars above them. You can barely see them through all the smog. It makes him sad. He looks into the stars that fill Mark’s bright eyes. 

 

 _Jesus._ He can look into them all day. He’s so in love. 

 

Quickly, he breaks the distance between them and kisses Mark with everything he’s got because he’s so in love and Mark just _has_ to know. It’s not gentle, not half as gentle as he’d like it to be. He’s not the greatest kisser, but Mark’s guiding him with a soft hand on his cheek. The hand moves down towards his neck, then his collarbone and all the way down the hem of his shirt. 

 

Donghyuck makes a pathetic noise when Mark’s cold hand makes contact with his stomach. The younger straightens up to try to unroll his stomach folds. It’s embarrassing and he wishes he didn’t skip those gym invites from Jeno so much. 

 

“Hey,” Mark whispers between their kiss. “Slow down,” his quiet voice whispers into the small space between them. 

 

Donghyuck doesn’t take the warning and sloppily moves to straddle Mark’s hips, knees on either side. His arms are tightly bound around his neck. After having a small mental pep talk with himself, Donghyuck gets bold and places a tentative kiss on the other’s neck.

 

Mark makes a small whiny noise when he starts sucking another mark next to an existing one. The noise sparks something in him. He experimentally rolls his hips to spark another reaction, and when he feels something hard on his thigh, he panics. Donghyuck pushes the other’s shirt up to kiss down his torso, slowly making to Mark’s waistband. 

 

His heart’s racing too quickly. He can barely catch up. He sees a growing dent in Mark’s shorts. Is he really about to do this? He really doesn’t know because he feels like he’s about to throw up. He’s not ready, oh god, he’s not _ready_. How fucking lame. 

 

He’s about to _go in_ when Mark stops him. 

 

It’s a gentle hand. Always a gentle hand. It stops him and taps his cheek. Mark’s red cheeks are so cute as he asks, “What are you doing?” 

 

Donghyuck pulls back quickly, embarrassed. “I just thought--”

 

“We don’t have to do anything,” the other comforts. 

 

He thinks _thank god_ because really wasn’t going to lose his mouth virginity on the balcony of some three star hotel. To summarize his gratefulness, he gives Mark a quick peck on the lips leans back. 

 

“We should talk about it first,” he suggests as he dangerously dangles over the balcony railings. His back is arched as he tries to count the stars in the sky. 

 

Mark gets up as well to lean over. “Yeah,” he responds quietly. 

 

It was a weird moment, but Donghyuck was glad Mark understood and he was glad they didn’t have to talk about it just yet. It’s only day three and he’s about to get whiplash on how fast they’re going. He knows he asked to go slow, but he wonders if Mark actually minds. They’ve been waiting so long that three days make it feel like an eternity. Winter feels so long ago.  

 

“Last one in has to clean up this mess,” Donghyuck challenges before sprinting back into the room. 

 

“You mean your mess?” Mark grumbles as he fumbles with the pints of ice cream. He shifts his basketball shorts, the tent showing so obviously that it makes Donghyuck blush. 

 

They’re teenagers. Of course it’s normal, but for now they’re just going to wait it out. 

 

-

 

Boston is a bit chillier than New Jersey. His hoodie barely helps him out because his legs are still exposed to the biting winds. He plays with the tattered strings on his jean shorts as they wait for their official chaperones to shut up. 

 

“What do you mean? God, sometimes you’re such fucking idiot!” Taeyong shouts at Johnny, his face red with anger. Johnny runs a frustrated hand over his face, dragging out a tired groan as Taeyong continues to nag about something. 

 

Donghyuck carefully watches, eyes wide with shock. The boys are bored as they wait in the back of the van. Mark tries to interject, but Donghyuck shuts him up with a hit on the shoulder. 

 

“What are they even fighting about?” Renjun asks, voice bored. 

 

Jeno yawns and rests his head on the other’s shoulder. “Somebody shut them up. I say we go get boba while they settle it out,” he offers. “I’ll look on Yelp or something.” 

 

“Go ahead. It’ll be better than this, that’s for sure,” Jisung complains. 

 

Donghyuck gets progressively more worried the redder Taeyong’s face gets, but he agrees anyway. They start to leave when Taeyong starts crying. He’s such a cry baby. Donghyuck pretends not to hear, even though the worry eats him alive. Those are his brother’s tears. 

 

Jeno eventually finds a place with loads of good reviews. It’s a ten minute walk, but they’re determined to make it into a five minute walk. 

 

As they speed walk through downtown, Donghyuck can’t help but worry about his brother. He knows Johnny is a good guy, so why are they being like this? Is his brother being difficult? He has so many questions, but none of them are going to be answered. 

 

His worry must show because Mark comes up from behind him and squeezes his shoulder in comfort. 

 

“They’ll work it out,” he assures. Mark has no idea what he’s saying, but it’s nice to know he put in the effort. 

 

Donghyuck hopes so. He knows his brother. He’s a lot in a small quiet way. Johnny’s been doing a good job dealing with _that_. But maybe he’s tired of it. He’s nervous, on the edge praying that his brother doesn’t fall as hard as he did a year ago. He can’t watch his brother destroy himself again. 

 

“Put some pep in your step!” Jaemin shouts from half a block away. “You guys walk so slow!”

 

He shrugs off the concerning thoughts. Just for right now. This week is _his week_. He will not have his brother’s fucked up love life mess it up for him. 

 

Suddenly, their speed walks increase into full on sprints. Before they know it, they’ve made it to the small shop. He’s panting and trying to catch his breath as he looks around. It’s cute and there’s some k-pop song playing overhead. There’s a worker sweeping a corner, looking very tired. It’s not crowded, but there’s a decent line in front of them. 

 

The seven boys carefully read the large menu and argue over what to order. They’re the loudest ones in the shop. Some old people give them stares, gawking at their colorful hairstyles and punk outfits, but in here nobody looks at them funny because they’re just regular asian american kids on the search for some good boba. One girl even compliments Donghyuck’s hair. 

 

“Jisung, stop being so picky and order something other than a basic milk tea,” Donghyuck recommends. “Put some flavor in your life.” 

 

They’re next in line when the cashier literally loses his shit. He turns around, cup in hand suddenly dropping and curses in a language Donghyuck can’t understand. His mouth is open wide in shock as his eyes look frantically between all seven of them. 

 

“Xiaojun, get out here right now!” the cashier screams through the employee door. 

 

Donghyuck slowly turns to see what the hustle is all about. The others seem to be confused as well. 

 

“Did something happen?” Mark asks the cashier. 

 

The cashier quite literally almost drops to the floor, knees buckling as Mark talks to him. He even giggles at some point, acting like a schoolgirl in love. Donghyuck raises an eyebrow and secures his arm around his boyfriend’s arm. 

 

Another worker emerges from the backroom and gasps so loudly other customers turn in concern. 

 

“You guys are literally The Dreamers,” he gasps out.

 

Renjun nudges Hyuck on the shoulder and makes a face to show his discomfort with the situation. He responds with a similar face, but returns with a kind look to greet their fans. He reads their name tags to find out the two workers are Yangyang and Xiaojun. 

 

“Yeah, that’s us,” he responds simply. “We’re playing a show tomorrow. Are you guys coming?” 

 

Yangyang fixes his pink hat and nods quickly. “I bought the presale tickets. We got VIP.” 

 

The employee who was sweeping comes over to the other register to begin helping other customers with their orders. He looks annoyed as the two converse with the band. 

 

“Xiaojun, go fix up five Coco specials,” he orders. The other rushes to start on the drinks. “What can we get you guys?” he asks since Yangyang was too busy on his phone tweeting about the experience. 

 

They order quickly, but Yangyang shoves the other guy, Hendery, to punch in his employee discount. Hendery gives him a look that makes Donghyuck shiver from the other side of the counter. Yangyang doesn’t seem to care as he stares at the band, starstruck. 

 

“I’m sorry,” the sensible employee apologizes. “He’s not usually this crazy.” 

 

Xiaojun is blending something when he shouts over, “Yes he is.” 

 

Donghyuck has always loved meeting fans. It gives him a nice sense of validation. It makes those late nights turn into something meaningful. The nights where he feels like all hope is lost and all he can do is sing into a tiny mic, in hope somebody else might like it. He’s glad his words can reach others so far that they freak out like Yangyang. He doesn’t just think of them as fans, he thinks of them as his friends because only his friends can really understand him. 

 

It’s so cheesy. 

 

“How long have you been listening to us?” Donghyuck asks with a smile as they wait for their drinks. 

 

Yangyang immediately perks up, ready to brag. “Twitter days. It was actually Hendery who introduced me to you guys,” he answers. “He’s just acting really cool in front of y’all, but I know he’s freaking out. Dude’s just better at hiding it.” 

 

Their twitter days were when they would just post covers and small snippets of songs. It was how they grew a decent following. That decent following quickly grew when Donghyuck and Mark released a viral hit on Soundcloud. The youtube video for that song hit even harder and before they knew it, they were _kind of_ famous. A little small, but famous enough to brag about it. 

 

“That’s so cool,” Jeno whispers, truly amazed at meeting an old fan. 

 

Xiaojun finishes their drinks and places them in front of them, cardboard trays filled with colorful teas. The small store begins to quiet down. People begin leaving and soon, it’s just the seven boys plus the three employees sitting by the windows. They converse in a nice and easy way. It’s not too forced, and Yangyang seems to have gotten over the initial fanboy craze. 

 

Their conversation begins with the bold colors adorning Donghyuck’s, Chenle’s, and Jaemin’s heads. Yangyang goes on and on about how cool they are to have their hair dyed such crazy colors. Apparently, his uncle would beat his ass if he ever tried it. 

 

It quickly turns into an informative conversation. Donghyuck learns that the three boys are within their ages, which makes it even easier to talk freely. They talk about music, guitars, school, and other mundane things fresh friendships always begin with. Eventually they get into talk about the climate and cutting down on plastic straws. 

 

“I am trying to talk to our manager, but apparently they’re not within our budget,” Xiaojun stresses, obviously very passionate about the environment. “Watch, I’m gonna use my savings to buy a lifetime supply of paper straws.” 

 

Renjun nods his head enthusiastically and scooches in further towards the table. That boy can talk for days about conserving the planet. Donghyuck, unfortunately, lost interest in the conversation a while ago. He loves Earth, really, but his brother texted him ten minutes ago about meeting him at some club. It’s strange because 1) he’s underage and probably wouldn’t be allowed in 2) Taeyong doesn’t like clubbing, and 3) who would ever trust seven teenage boys at a gay club? 

 

He’s not in the conversation as much and it makes him feel bad because these guys seem like really cool people to hang around. The guilt of being disengaged slowly dissipates when Taeyong texts him again with more urgency. The older sibling types a time and emphasizes the message when Donghyuck doesn’t reply. 

 

“Uh, guys?” he interrupts, still looking down at his messages. Jisung rolls his eyes as his speech about the ocean is cut short. “My brother wants to meet at some club called The Vision?” 

 

Mark looks over his shoulder at the text, face morphing into confusion as he reads it. 

 

“That’s weird,” he mumbles. “Do you guys know this place?” he asks their three new friends, showing them the texts. 

 

Hendery slowly nods his head at the screen before turning back to Mark. “My cousin owns that place,” he answers casually. “I could get you guys in.” 

 

Donghyuck worries if that’s a good idea. They agree to meet up once again after their shifts end. It was nice meeting new people, but it wasn’t enough to distract him from the creeping worry. He tries to ignore it the best he can, but it seems almost impossible. 

 

“They were fun,” Renjun shares after they leave. 

The sun sets behind them in vibrant blues and purples. Donghyuck kicks some rocks as he admires the colors. He slips his hand into Mark’s, who flinches at the initial touch before relaxing into it. 

 

“I know you hate public displays of affection,” he mocks, “but I’m only holding your hand to embarrass you.” 

 

Mark rolls his eyes as Donghyuck swings their hands. “You always hold my hand,” he comments. 

 

The singer glares, jokingly. “Yeah, but now I’m holding your hand as your _boyfriend_.” 

 

Jaemin snaps around with a shit-eating grin. “Now look at the lovely couple everyone! Please, clap for the newlyweds!” he shouts throughout the block. 

 

A couple of patrons ignore him and tell him to shut up. He’s walking carelessly backwards, and great satisfaction comes when he trips and falls down. When Renjun obnoxiously laughs, Jaemin shoves him into the street, failing to silence his booming laughter. He clings onto Jaemin as he nearly pees from laughing so hard. 

 

“Did you see the way he fell?” he cries in amusement. Tears fall and he curls over in pain. “He just went--” he tries to say as he mimics their friend. 

 

Renjun’s laughing so hard that Donghyuck has to laugh. And because he’s laughing, Mark laughs. And then Jisung’s laughing at Mark’s laugh. They’re all laughing, reenacting Jaemin’s great fall. 

 

Donghyuck forgets about his brother’s problems. 

 

-

 

The motel is shitty. There’s a light brown stain of the duvet and a hole on the wall. The bathroom smells like weed and the toilet won’t flush unless you hold it for thirty seconds. At least the water pressure is okay. 

 

“I’m always waiting on you, I swear!” Donghyuck shouts. He texts the group chat about their situation and he tries his hardest not to get up and ditch Mark. He almost does it and he has his hand on the doorknob before the culprit comes out from the bathroom. 

 

He looks good. God, why does he always look so good? 

 

“You’re so cute,” he coos, launching himself onto his boyfriend and holding on tight. 

 

Mark groans and tries to pry Donghyuck off of him, but he fails and ends up dragging the younger along with him as they leave. They’re met with an empty lot. The van and Mark’s car are gone. Those fuckers. 

“Great job, doofus,” Hyuck huffs as he pushes himself off of Mark. “You took so long they ditched us.” 

 

Mark shifts his shirt, now wrinkled from Donghyuck’s tight grip. He looks around once more to find his car, but it seems like the boys really took the van _and_ the car. They sigh loudly in unison. Donghyuck brings up the directions and they begin their twenty minute walk. 

 

“Great friends we’ve got,” he mumbles begrudgingly.

 

Mark shivers a bit from the cold and the younger takes notice. They haven’t even walked five blocks yet and Mark’s already complaining. He does what any great boyfriend would do and shares his sweater. 

 

“What are you doing?” Mark asks, flustered as Donghyuck wraps it around his shoulders. 

 

He shrugs with a smug smile. “Being a good boyfriend,” he answers. 

 

Mark blushes, but still teasingly laughs. “Dude, that’s so cheesy.” 

 

The other hits him, only leading him to more laughter. Donghyuck tried to come across as mad, but Mark’s infectious laughter got him. 

 

“You can’t call me dude anymore,” he demands with a pout. 

 

“Says who?” Mark teases. 

 

“Says me!” he laughs. 

 

Donghyuck prays this moment of happiness can last. It’s spring break and he’s always said it’s a cruel tease on students. It’s a small taste of summer and summer seems years away. For the first time in his life, he dreads summer. 

 

-

 

The club is small and the people pouring in are trendy young adults who probably attend a liberal arts school. They perfectly fit in. 

 

Getting in had its complications. The security guy didn’t believe they knew Kunhang and the new guys had to actually show up at the entrance to pull them in. If Donghyuck was in a bad mood, he would have fought the security guy, but he didn’t because he had his boyfriend’s hand in his and all was good. 

 

As they snake through the crowds of people, he watches the party going on around him. It really is a popular gay club with music he can actually vibe with. The lights and the setup are impressive, and he’d like to meet the cousin behind all of this. Right now, he just tries his hardest to follow Kunhang and not get lost in the sea of people. 

 

After taking the stairs, they’re met with lush couches and a perfect view of the dance floor. They even have their own go-go boy! 

 

“Look who has finally made it!” Jeno shouts over the loud music. He then takes multiple shots of some brown liquid, and Donghyuck grows concerned. Who willingly allows teenagers to drink in their clubs? 

 

He watches Jeno with confusion and hesitantly takes a shot of his own. Now, he’s all about responsible underage drinking in America, but the law sometimes scares him. Especially when he’s in a different state. And his mom made him promise to not get arrested. He’s right about to ask Kunhang this question when he beats him to it. 

 

“My cousin doesn’t care all that much and if something goes haywire, his boyfriend’s the son of the police chief,” he explains, noticing Donghyuck’s uncertainty. 

 

Jeno orders up another round of shots for them. Curse him and his high tolerance. Donghyuck’s low tolerance is about to get fucked in the brains. He blames it all on his mom for passing down those genes. 

 

“Where’s Taeyong?” he asks once he’s finished taking a shot with Jeno. 

 

In the booth where they sit, they can see all of the people dancing. The light isn’t dark enough to obscure anyone’s faces. So, he isn’t surprised when he follows Renjun’s finger and the very disturbing sight of his brother dancing with a stranger burns his eyes. Is that even dancing? No, that looks like dry humping. Gross! 

 

“Your brother’s kind of hot,” Yangyang shares casually, like he didn’t just call Donghyuck’s brother hot right in front of him. 

 

He doesn’t have time to react. At first, he’s disgusted. 

 

“Kind of?” Jaemin starts, voice high in disbelief. “He is god. What happened to you, Hyuckie?” he teases. 

 

Donghyuck fakes a laugh before glaring at his friend. He gives no response, a single middle finger rising, but Renjun sure knows the answer. 

 

“They’re half brothers. Same mom, different dads,” he explains, words already slurring with alcohol. “Guess you skipped out on the pretty genes, Hyuck.” 

 

Already done with everyone's bullshit, he moves to escape their endless teasing. 

 

“Sleep with one eye open tonight, fools,” he warns before dragging Mark along with him. 

 

They make it downstairs along with the rest of the public, ditching their friends in order to enjoy the music on the dance floor. He feels connected with the flow of the music and tries to quickly get into the groove, making silly moves to make Mark laugh. He succeeds and giggles as he scoops his arms around Mark’s waist. The song playing is a sultry, dance remix of Toxic by Britney Spears. The bass vibrates his whole body as he lets the music sweep his moves. His hips move on their own accord, following the heavy beat with each swoop. He even makes use of his arms, twirling around Mark like he’s putting him in a trance. 

 

The other tentatively moves along, nervous at first, but slowly following into it after he realizes Hyuck’s moving with more purpose. He holds the dancing boy still with his arms loosely around his waist, hips still moving in time with the song. As they hold each other, they allow their foreheads to rest on one another. Eyes intense with something flirtatious and teasing.  

 

The song cleverly transitions into a remix of Rich Girl by Gwen Stefani. It must be throwback night and he’s not complaining. They have more fun with this song. It’s super sped up and sounds kind of silly until the bass drops. At the drop, Donghyuck pushes away from Mark and begins dancing like a fool. He can see the other burst his side from laughing so hard. Some of the people around them give him a weird look, but are too busy dancing to really care. 

 

As it slowly builds back, he does a slow walk towards Mark, beckoning him closer with a single finger. He threads his fingers through Mark’s black hair and rushes into an intense kiss that leaves them both breathless. The song quickly changes and When I Grow Up by The Pussycat Dolls starts playing, fast and fun just like all of the other remixes. 

 

Donghyuck immediately separates from the kiss to scream on top of his lungs. “This was my shit!” 

 

He swirls around, grin wide as he enjoys himself. Mark starts to dance just as ridiculously. They swirl around together. Hyuck spins Mark all fancy like and the other does the same to him. 

 

Three songs later, he feels completely nostalgic from all of the early 2000’s songs. He also feels very thirsty. 

 

“I’m parched,” he shouts over the loud music. Down here, you can barely hear yourself talk from how loud the music flows through the speakers. “Let’s go get something fruity!” 

 

Skipping over to the bar, Donghyuck squeezes in between two guys in order to flag down the bartender. She looks very intimidating as he asks for their fruitiest drink. The word “fruitiest” could take them anywhere with this order. 

 

Mark is still clinging onto him, almost in an octopus-like grip. With his chin hooked over Donghyuck’s shoulder, they sway to Britney’s classic, Baby One More Time. The bartender comes back with a blue sparkly drink and they both spend five minutes trying to figure out how she did that. They then drink it. And then order two more. 

 

“Let’s see if you can stay standing after one more of these sparkly drinks,” Mark challenges, smug grin on his face. 

 

“You underestimate me, Mark Lee,” he accepts. 

 

Mark just shakes his head and laughs as the competitive boy easily throws the shot glass back. “I think you overestimate your alcohol tolerance.” 

 

In the corner of his eye, he can see his brother enjoying himself. He’s surrounded by two beefcakes. He’s dragged off to the bathrooms and if Donghyuck was a horrible brother he would leave him there, but he’s decent and has enough brain to realize his brother’s in no state to make any smart decisions. 

 

So, he cuts his fun short and shouts to Mark that he’d be going to the bathroom. 

 

He quickly maneuvers around the dancing bodies and immediately finds his brother in the dark hallway about to snort something off a dirty table. 

 

“No!” he quickly acts, pulling his brother back fast enough to give him whiplash. 

 

Taeyong looks absolutely dazed and out of it. His head rolls around before he gets it to stay still. He squints at Donghyuck, like he’s unsure who just pulled him back. He still crumples down onto his little brother. He’s dead weight and Donghyuck’s untoned arms try their hardest to drag him out of there. 

 

“Hey, we were just havin’ a bit of fun,” one of the beefcakes snickers. 

 

The teen was having zero of it. “Fuck off!” he shouts behind him. “Oh, you are so stupid,” he whispers to Taeyong, but it falls onto deaf ears. 

 

Taeyong tries to walk, but he’s just shuffling his feet every now and then. “Johnny doesn’t love me,” he cries, words barely tangible. “Cu-cuz I’m gross,” he hiccups. 

 

Mark meets them somewhere in the middle, and his easy smile falls off immediately at the sight. He quickly picks up Taeyong’s other arm and begins trudging him alone. 

 

“What happened?” he asks uselessly. 

 

Donghyuck grunts as Taeyong drops his head on his sore shoulder. “Can we please talk about this later when you have your keys and we’re at the motel or something?” he wheezes. His brother is a lot heavier than he looks. 

 

And Mark, oh gosh, he’s so understanding and sweet that he actually shuts up. They sit Taeyong down and he rushes to collect his keys. It takes a whole five minutes and Donghyuck is stuck on babysitting duty. Taeyong babbles about and cries even more. It honestly breaks his heart, but he pays more attention to his brother’s safety. 

 

“Let’s bounce,” Mark pants as he sprints back. 

 

After hauling Taeyong’s drunk ass into the car, they make the five minute drive to the motel. Mark nearly runs three redlights. In the back, Donghyuck stays with his brother, holding his head in his lap. Taeyong is knocked out, which should be beneficial, but Hyuck was feeling nosy and wanted to know what was going on with Johnny. 

 

They make it to the motel safely. He guesses he’ll just find out right now. 

 

“Do you remember which room they stayed in?” he asks as they pass by rusting doors.

 

Mark takes them to their motel and counts three doors down. “Right there, I think,” he guesses. 

 

Taeyong protests weakly, but Donghyuck manages to find the key in Taeyong’s back pocket. The motel is so cheap that the lock is practically broken. It takes a good three shoves to get the door opened. 

 

Once they open the door, they wish they never opened it in the first place. It looks even shittier than the room they’re staying in. There’s shit thrown everywhere and Johnny’s just smoking in the middle of it, unbothered and sitting on the bed in just his boxers. 

 

“You look like a crackhead,” Donghyuck states as they drag the drunken man along. 

 

Mark hesitates to put down Taeyong, looking worried as he glances between a very unstable Johnny and very intoxicated Taeyong. 

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” he whispers, eyes nervous. “I mean, it looks like they just had a pretty nasty fight.” 

 

Donghyuck shoves Taeyong’s arm off of him in one final move. His shoulder is relieved of the heavy weight and he rolls it around as he inspects his brother’s current state. In order to be helpful, he takes off his shoes and tosses them in the mess. 

 

“I’m gonna go talk to Johnny,” he quietly informs. “Get a whole grasp on what’s going on. Take Yong to the bathroom or something, please?” 

 

Mark groans before reluctantly agreeing, and he still struggles to carry all of Taeyong’s weight. Donghyuck is stuck with a very amused and stoned Johnny. 

 

“Looks like he had a little too much to drink,” he giggles before taking a pull on his joint. It smells like too much weed, which leads Hyuck to believe Johnny’s been doing this for awhile. 

 

He toes around the broken lamp to get a good seat across his brother’s boyfriend. The bed feels like cardboard. He can hear Mark humming from out here. Johnny’s eyes are red and his smile is empty. 

 

“What is going on?” he tries to ask sternly. 

 

Johnny just heartlessly laughs and shakes his head. Then, he tightens his lips together, staring Donghyuck straight on with those red eyes. It lasts a second before he’s back to chuckling at nothing. 

 

“So you and Mark, huh?” he more than mumbles. 

 

“Stop dodging the questions,” Donghyuck warns. 

 

The older shakes his head again and his smile turns into something more hopeful. “Enjoy love while you can, bud.” he encourages. “You know, love is so magical. Before it tears you a new asshole and fucking ruins everything.”

 

Donghyuck grows impatient, but he probably should have known better than to deal with someone so stoned. Johnny has no idea what he’s talking about and the teen is sure of that. He wants answers and he’s too stubborn to wait a whole night for those answers. 

 

“You are completely blazed,” he sighs. “What are you guys arguing about? Is it so bad that I have to stop my brother from indulging in some drug that might fucking kill him?” he snaps with all seriousness. 

 

“Mark’s a good kid,” Johnny continues, still dodging all questions. “Don’t go breaking his heart, kiddo. You Lee boys seem to have a knack for that.” 

 

“Are you seriously gonna just sit there and ignore me?”

 

Mark’s hums are joined by Taeyong. Gross gagging follows soon after. Then the shower can be heard running behind Johnny’s chatter. The soft patter of the poor water pressure gives noise to the otherwise silent tension in the room. 

 

“You guys look cute together, really,” Johnny laughs. 

 

Donghyuck has had enough. He takes the joint, stubs it out, and glares. “Answer the damn question.” 

 

Johnny mimics choking hands, aimed at the teen’s throat. “He wants me to move to New York with him, okay? He wants to go back and he wants me there with him,” he shouts. In an attempt to calm himself down, he rubs a hand over his mouth. 

 

Donghyuck sighs. He knew his brother would try to do something like this. He claims something as his and drags it along in fear of losing it forever. In this case, he has a fear of losing love. He lost it once in New York and wasn’t going to let it go again. 

 

He had always complained about Pennsylvania’s simplicity, crying out when he realized he never wanted to become trapped in suburbia. Taeyong quickly fell in love with the city before falling into oblivion, losing that love and crawling back to their small town in search of something new. 

 

He wanted to drag Johnny along with him now that he reclaimed that love. 

 

“I’m leaving this room with my brother,” Donghyuck’s stern voice says, “and you are figuring shit out tomorrow. You got it?” 

 

On cue, Mark and Taeyong come out of the bathroom, hair dripping with water. The whole front of Taeyong’s shirt has a filthy yellow stain. He’s slightly less drunk and knows how to walk now. Instead of causing a scene like Donghyuck thought he would, he just stands and stares at Johnny with a look of betrayal. 

 

“I thought you would follow me until the end,” he whispers into the room before trudging out along with the boys. 

 

Once they make it to their own room, Taeyong collapses on the second bed and cries softly. It mirrors the scene a couple months ago when Donghyuck was crying about Mark. The two boys stand watching, both not exactly sure on what to do. 

 

Donghyuck figures as much and moves to comfort his brother without saying too much. He doesn’t fill his mind with empty promises. He just rubs his back and lets him cry. Where Donghyuck requires to rant out everything that’s plaguing his mind, Taeyong needs time to cry without getting pestered about it. 

 

Mark understands this much and goes to get ready for bed. The bathroom door squeaks to a close and they’re left alone. Eventually, Taeyong’s cries quiet and he’s left sniffling. 

 

“You cry a lot,” he tries to sound comedic. It works and gets out a wet laugh from the heartbroken man. 

 

Taeyong turns over and wipes his face of all tears. “Can you get me something comfy to wear?” he asks with a quiet voice. Fragile. 

 

Donghyuck takes a look at his brother, broken and the opposite of what he’s used to seeing. His brother is his complete role model, and he may never admit it at all to his face, but he loves that bitch with everything he’s got. Seeing him like this so quickly breaks him just as much. 

 

In the corner of his eye, he can see Mark already getting extra clothes ready from one of their bags. 

 

“Here ya go,” Mark says, ever so helpful as he passes the comfy shorts. He smiles kindly and replaces Taeyong’s spot once he leaves to clean up. 

 

Donghyuck sighs heavily and rubs his eyes harshly. 

 

“God, this is so fucked,” he mutters under his breath before composing himself and offering a soft smile at Mark. “I’m sorry you had to see all that.” 

 

Mark reaches out and holds his hand, a light grip with his thumb rubbing the back of Donghyuck’s hand. It’s comforting and all he needs right now to understand Mark’s not going to ever complain about being a part of his life. 

 

“If I can know, what’re they fighting about?” he asks carefully. It shouldn’t be any of his business, but the two adults have already made it everybody’s business by bringing their drama outside. 

 

“Taeyong’s moving back, no big shocker,” he answers, “and Johnny doesn’t wanna go.” He shrugs. 

 

Mark nods once in understanding. “Don’t stress too much, okay? Taeyong’s got this.” 

 

Donghyuck winces in response. He doesn’t know that much because no matter how much older Taeyong is, he still feels an obligation to look out for him too. He had done it so many times when Hyuck was little, and as they grew the roles reversed and Hyuck was the one keeping an eye out for his older brother. 

 

“I don’t know, Mark,” he stresses. “He’s taken care of me so many times, and I feel like I owe it to him to worry, you know?” 

 

Mark continues to rub the back of his hand. It’s a comforting motion, relaxing in a way that might lull him to sleep. It’s quiet in their motel room, save for the sounds of the shower and the cars buzzing outside from the freeway. In here, they just breathe in each other and Donghyuck knows Mark’s trying his best to calm him. In the quiet, he grounds himself through Mark’s comforting hold. 

 

“You care so much about the people around you,” Mark tells him, voice quiet and soft. He’s so close and he looks so beautiful. Donghyuck is so in love with the comfort around him. 

 

“Is that a good thing?” he responds, a playful tone to his question. 

 

With his eyes directing attention towards Mark’s lips, he pulls in closer and stops so their noses brush. Eyes trained on lips he’s found himself addicted to, he waits for an answer. 

 

“It’s a lovely thing,” Mark answers before making that last push and connecting their lips in a soft, delicate manner. 

 

Donghyuck pulls away with a shaky breath, mind dizzying from the intoxicating kiss. His eyes remain closed as his lips buzz with anticipation. Mark runs a gently thumb across his bottom lip, and he flutters his eyes open. Mark’s eyes are half open and focusing on Donghyuck’s lips. He moves in again with more force before Donghyuck forces them to go slower, enjoying each touch Mark gives him. From the soft hand on his hip, to the dancing fingers on his collarbone. 

 

“You’re lovely,” he whispers between their kiss. 

 

“You guys are gross,” Taeyong’s bitter voice snaps between the moment. 

 

Great. A wonderful turning point in their relationship completely ruined by a bitter, heartbroken young adult. 

 

“Taeyong, please go to sleep,” he begs, beyond annoyed at his brother for ruining a perfectly wonderful moment with his boyfriend. 

 

Taeyong makes a leap towards the bed and shoves Mark out, claiming his cry spot again and forcing the other teen to go sleep on the other bed. He says he doesn’t trust two teenage boys in the same bed when he’s in the same room. 

 

“ _I_ was a gross horny teenage boy before. Hyuckie, I _know_ ,” he explains as he buries himself in the rough covers. 

 

Mark just laughs and settles in the other equally as shitty bed. He turns off the lights and the neon lights from outside leak into their room, giving it a light tinge of green and purple. Donghyuck can hear Mark shifting in bed, the loud sheets giving no room for a quiet rest. He listens to the cars outside, zooming past at high speeds, in an attempt to hypnotize himself to sleep. 

 

But worry and stress consumes him most at night. He stresses about college, life beyond high school and how adulthood awaits him in just a year. It’s only spring break and it feels like there are so many things he has to do before the years falls into an end. He stresses about Mark and how he’s going to settle in California without him. Will he forget him in just a year? Will he find better, cooler friends in the golden state? 

 

Donghyuck couldn’t know. It was too early to question. Right now, he wants to enjoy the time left he has. Many parts of him regret ever waiting so long. He _knew_ there was something up between them. They both had known they were more than just friends. What they had was different. It was more than friendship, but it was also way more than romantic. It was some another level soulmate shit. 

 

“You’re thinking too loud,” Taeyong whispers next to him. 

 

Donghyuck shifts from his back to his side to face his brother. The neon lights illuminate Taeyong’s face slightly, giving him a sort of halo. The tension shows on his face. They’re both thinking too loud. 

 

“So are you,” he whispers back, quiet so they don’t wake up Mark. 

 

Taeyong plays with a strand of Hyuck’s hair and sadly shrugs. “I’ve got things to think about,” he replies stupidly. “Like what I’m going to do with Johnny.” 

 

“If he doesn’t wanna go, you can’t force him,” he tries to reason softly. 

 

Taeyong gives him a sad smile, like he’s known all along and Donghyuck is only telling him what he already knows. You can’t force love and can’t drive it away either. 

 

“Enough about my sad, depressing love life,” he lightly laughs. “You and Mark,” he teases, eyebrows dancing up and down. 

 

Donghyuck groans quietly, burrowing his face in the pillows that smell like cigarettes. He peaks to see his brother still gracing his teasing smile. 

 

“You deserve someone nice like him,” Taeyong continues. “Even if it took both of you eons to figure that out.” 

 

“He’s leaving in three months,” Donghyuck confesses. 

 

Taeyong rolls his eyes and shoves him lightly. “There’s this wonderful thing called long distance,” he offers. 

 

“You could do long distance with Johnny,” he says back. A raised eyebrow challenges the other. 

 

“That’s … different,” he sheepishly admits. 

 

They both know why it’s different. They’re both touchy, personal people. Craving for deep connections with others, the brothers could never do long distance relationships. 

 

He’s considered it, but he relies so much on physical touch that he can’t imagine a relationship with Mark thousands miles away. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to wait a whole year for Mark, and he’s not sure Mark would wait for him. 

 

It’s a dangerous situation. Eventually they need to figure out what they’re going to do. 

 

“Don’t let him go,” Taeyong tells him. “Let yourself enjoy a little love.” 

 

-

 

Mark is cheesing so hard when he sees his brother. They just saw each other over winter break, but it might’ve not been enough because the way they run towards each other can make anybody believe they’ve been separated for years. 

 

“You bitch!” Mark says between laughs. “You didn’t tell me you were coming!” 

 

His wide grin curves around his words and his eyes light up at the sight of his brother, Jaehyun. Step-brother and number one role model to Mark Lee. 

 

In the backroom of this dingy venue, Jaehyun had emerged from the hallway along with his friends. Chenle must’ve let him in because the rest of the guys were getting ready for the show. Donghyuck almost burned his ear with the hair straightener when he heard Mark’s high screech. 

 

“Two hour drive, you better be grateful to see my beautiful face,” Jaehyun teases. 

 

The rest of the boys are stuck watching awkwardly because it seemed too intimate to interrupt. Donghyuck continues to straighten the last bits of hair. But the second the two brothers separate, they go right in to say hi. 

 

Their greetings are subdued, coming out as half-assed and it’s most likely due to the fact most of them woke up two hours before this. A night out was definitely not needed. It was their first time ever travelling this far and playing shows constantly. They made the awful mistake in spending their free night drinking their livers away. 

 

Past their grumpy moods, Mark seems to be beaming with happiness at the thought of his brother watching him play. 

 

“I’ve got the lights all set up,” they hear Taeyong’s voice call before he appears at the doorway. All dressed up in his stage crew outfit, he proudly announces all he’s gotten done. 

 

He goes on about how he’s gotten good at this roadie stuff until he suddenly pauses. It’s like he freezes in time and Donghyuck sees it before anybody else can notice. He immediately gets up from his chair, turning off the straightener so he doesn’t burn down the place, and pulls Mark out with him. He makes a noise of surprise before following willingly. 

 

He drags Mark with him until they make it outside through the backdoor. His grip on his wrist loosens once they make it out to the artist parking lot. If they creep their necks over to the left a bit, they can get a good look at the growing line. It’s curled over the block by now. 

 

“Did not want to sit there for another shit show,” Donghyuck confesses once they’re settled. 

 

Mark gives him an amused look. “What do you mean?” he asks, genuinely confused. 

 

“Jaehyun shows up and Taeyong goes all rigid. They probably have some heavy, toxic unresolved tension that needs tending to, and after yesterday I am not in the mood to deal with another one of Taeyong’s many love affairs,” he rants quickly, attempting to light the joint Mark rolled for him earlier with his pink lighter.

 

Mark just shakes his head, obviously amused. This only annoys Donghyuck even more and the fact his lighter isn’t working pisses him off even more. He’s kind of in a _mood_ , but he doesn’t have time to resolve any of it because they’re supposed to be meeting fifty random people in about an hour. 

 

He finally manages to light it and takes a long pull. The regular inhale and exhale gets him to relax just a bit. The two share it silently. Eventually, it burns out and he still feels shitty. He needs something more, so he crowds closer into Mark’s space and kisses the lights out of him. 

 

It’s way too messy. There’s gross spit and he can hear the noises their mouths are making, but he’s too stressed, looking for some sort of a release, to care. His tongue travels along Mark’s gums, exploring all parts of his mouth in a desperate way. When they finally do part, their mouths separate with a click and a spider-web string of spit follows. It’s definitely gross. 

 

“This is simple,” he says to himself. Kissing Mark is simple. 

 

“You sure you’re okay?” Mark says against Donghyuck’s shining lips. Donghyuck nods and the other goes straight back into the kiss. 

 

He slows it down, makes it a bit less gross and tries to kiss him gently. Donghyuck makes a move to get his hands under Mark’s shirt, fingers trembling along the smooth expanse of his back. He goes over the soft nobs of his spine, and Mark visibly shivers under the touch. Goosebumps travel up his skin as Donghyuck’s fingers move along his ribs. 

 

Their tongues tangle together and the softness of the kiss is replaced with something rough. Mark’s hands tug on Donghyuck’s freshly straightened hair. He’s going to have to find a time to complain about that. At some point, he lets out a whimper at a particularly harsh tug, which causes them to pull away in fear of anything moving too quickly. 

 

“How’re you feeling now?” Mark questions kindly, lips glossy with spit. There’s a light blush dusting his cheeks. Oh gosh, he’s so endearing. 

 

Donghyuck gets his hands out from under his shirt and slyly steps away. “Way better now, cutie,” he answers with a mischievous grin. 

 

Stepping back inside the venue, he’s met with the same graffiti walls he tried to escape earlier. He appreciates the art with Mark, pointing out the scattered tiny penises with laughter. They take a random sharpie from the floor and begin doodling their own expressions. Mark draws a cowboy and Donghyuck writes a huge ML HEARTS DL. He also signs a cute design of their band name. 

 

Chenle is the one to come fetch them. He looks so cute in his own stage crew outfit that Donghyuck has to comment. 

 

“You are absolutely the cutest manager out there. You know that Chenle?” he coos, pinching the younger’s cheek fondly. 

 

Chenle shoos him away, texting away at his phone. “Yes, I do. Get into the lobby already and shut up. The meet and greet is literally starting,” he orders around. 

 

The others are already waiting around for them. Looking bored out of their minds, the band tries to lighten up as Chenle calls in the first group. Renjun kicks himself off the wall and forces a smile, but it immediately falls off. Jeno looks half asleep as he sits in the corner. Even Jaemin struggles to find his smile. Jisung is the only one who actually looks alive, but that’s probably because he wasn’t the one who drank half of his body weight. 

 

“This is the saddest bunch I have ever seen,” Donghyuck states.

 

Jaemin flips him off only to receive a double flip off from Hyuck. The blank expression on his face never falters. It’s almost like they’re all dead inside. 

 

“Cheer up, guys,” he tries. “We are about to play our second to last show and this atmosphere is not going to fly,” he begins his motivational speech. 

 

Jeno wakes up from his corner, rubbing his eyes and yawning loudly. “He’s right,” he confirms. 

 

Donghyuck points at the sleepy drummer and nods in solidarity. “Let’s make the most out of this. I know we’re all tired, but we’ve got this. We’ve dreamed about this for years. Paint those smiles on, boys,” he finishes. 

 

Renjun hugs him, sighing tiredly. “That was very motivational of you,” he comments. 

 

Maybe they’re all in a mood today, but at least they have each other to keep themselves grounded. 

 

-

 

“Boston, you are so fucking sick,” Donghyuck says into the mic, over the inconsistent screams from fans. He tangles with the uncooperating in-ear and shakes his bangs out of his eye. “We got some pretty cool folks in the crowd right now.” 

 

Mark fiddles with the strings on his guitar, waiting for their short intermission to end, and Renjun tries to set up the next backing track as quickly as he can. Jaemin’s sharing a water bottle with Jisung as they wait, and Jeno lightly taps his drum set. They’re halfway through their set and the energy of the crowd is the only thing holding them through. 

 

“Throughout this tour, we have met so many awesome people,” he says. “I just wanna thank all of you for making all of this possible and for supporting us. Whether you just started listening to us today or since the twitter days, I love each and every one of you!” 

 

The crowd of 450 roars in cheers and he glows under the lights, smile wide as he tries to look at every single person in the room. He finally manages to work his in-ear. He looks back at Jeno to start the beat to the next song. Drippin’ was one of the many songs he enjoyed performing in front of an energetic crowd because the rock undertones help him completely burst. 

 

A thumbs up is all Jeno needs so he goes straight into the loud booming of his drums. Mark and Jisung quickly follow with their quick chord progressions. The heavy sound of the guitars cue Jaemin’s bass line and Renjun joins with his synths. 

 

“ _It’s too late to run away,_ ” he sings, which sends a frenzy into the crowd. 

 

He grabs the mic off its stand and stands at the edge of the stage. He sings the lyrics with a crowd that shouts them right back. With zero barrier between the artist and the crowd, some people grab a hold of him and he allows them to pull at his arms until he escapes once it gets dangerous. 

 

“ _You excite me_ ,” he sings with flare as he jumps around the stage. He looks straight at Mark when he sings, “ _I’ll go inside, I’ll start when you least expect it_.” 

 

There’s fire in Mark’s eyes when he plays and it electrifies him. Mark moves from his spot to join Hyuck at center stage. He shouts his ad libs into the main mic as they share. 

 

“ _That is drippin, drippin, drippin love,_ ” they both sing into Donghyuck’s mic. They’re lips narrowly brush from the close proximity. 

 

Right as the song ends, with the last resounding vibrating chord, Mark kisses him. It takes him a moment to realize it’s the first time Mark has ever initiated a kiss out in public. The kiss is unlike any kiss they’ve shared so far. It carries far more heat than it should consider they’re in front of a crowd, which Mark’s brother just so happens to be a part of. 

 

They pull away and Donghyuck can faintly hear the wolf whistles coming from the crowd. His face burns red and he can feel it in his ears. His whole entire body buzzes from the kiss. He must’ve looked shocked, jaw slacking because Mark closes his mouth for him with a gentle finger. The smug fucker has the decency to smirk and turn back to their little guitar area. 

 

He’s still gobsmacked by the time Renjun starts the backing track for the next song. 

 

After the show, they go to a bowling alley. Midnight bowling sounded fun with all the neon lights and loud music, but the moment they actually started playing, it went to all hell. Considering Donghyuck is the most competitive person out there. There was no way they were going to lose. 

 

Johnny and Taeyong had already left back to the hotel, stupidly trusting the teens with Jaehyun and his cool college friends. It was a big mistake from the get-go because they stuffed eight people in one car on their way there. 

 

They irresponsibly order a bunch of wings and beers as Renjun and Jeno set up their lanes, dividing everyone into teams. They had decided on playing by age. The rebellious teenagers vs. the sleep deprived college kids, as Jaehyun had put it. 

 

Turns out, Jaehyun is absolutely talented in bowling for no good reason and they quickly realize their mistake. Donghyuck tried everything to make sure their team would win. 

 

“Man, this is so unfair,” Jaemin complains. “He’s hot and good at everything he does?” 

 

Mark cringes. “Don’t talk about my brother like that,” he says right before Jaehyun comes back from his turn. 

 

Renjun gets up to pull the team down even further with his horrible bowling skills. Jeno gets up to help him, and Donghyuck watches as Jeno wraps his hand around Renjun’s wrist, guiding him from behind. He gets a fluttering feeling in his stomach and turns to Mark, attempting to wind their hands together, but Mark just brushes his hand away. He thinks nothing of it at first. 

 

The game slowly loses its initial intensity and Jaehyun’s friends are conversing nicely with the teens. They order more food, stuffing their faces with greasy pizza and wings. Donghyuck falls into a food coma and watches tiredly, trying to rest his head on Mark’s shoulder. The other shrugs him off and scoots away to create some distance. He blames the sickness in his stomach on the grease. 

 

While the others are preoccupied, Jaehyun, Mark, and Donghyuck pick up a conversation. It starts off simple. Easy on the heavy topics as they talk about stuff like travelling. It slowly shifts to tonight’s show, and he can feel Mark tense next to him. 

 

“That kiss tonight was something,” Jaehyun laughs easily. “Are you guys a thing or something?” he asks, gesturing between them with a beer in his hand. He takes a sip and Mark answers before he even has time to finish. 

 

He wanted to tease Mark about keeping his brother in the dark, but he doesn’t get the chance because Mark is already there with a loaded answer. 

 

“We’re just chilling,” he replies with an uncomfortable laugh. “We kiss for that shock value, you know?” Jaehyun nods and talks about something else. 

 

Pins crash and he suddenly feels a spark of betrayal in the pit of his stomach. Kind of feels like a punch in the gut. Jeno and Renjun are cheering about a strike and it’s suddenly too loud in the dark bowling alley. Mark lies. It makes him feel sick. 

 

The others are too busy having a good time to notice his souring mood. 

 

“I have to go to the bathroom,” he suddenly announces before breaking out into nearly a full sprint. 

 

So many thoughts rush at once as usual. Is Mark embarrassed of him? Is he ashamed? How can he lie so easily? Maybe he’s overthinking. Maybe he’s freaking out over nothing, but at this second he feels angry. 

 

The public bathroom door swings open, crashing into the door stopper with a large boom. He prays he’s alone as he muffles a frustrated groan into his hand. His mom always said he struggled with expressing his anger. So, he bangs on the napkin dispenser with his curling fists. 

 

Mark had to fuck up the night with his stupidity. His eyes sting with embarrassment, and he  ducks into a stall to sit on a closed toilet seat. Knee bouncing and hands shaking, he holds his angry tears. Mark lied so easily. 

 

The public bathroom door opens. He bits onto his knuckles and hopes it’s just some guy looking for a piss. Turns out the universe works against him. 

 

“Hyuck?” Mark’s voice calls out into the empty bathroom. He knows it’s useless to hide, but he tucks his legs ups, hugging his bruised knees closer. “You missed your turn. Jaemin had to go for you and only got three pins down. You would’ve totally won the game for us, babe.” 

 

The corner of his lip raises for a second, a sad smile. He scares himself because he realizes no matter what Mark does to him or what Mark says to him, he’ll still love him. Toxic always disguises itself as sweet. 

 

“Go away,” he raises his voice back, playing with the long and mangled ties of the dirty bowling shoes. 

 

He can see Mark’s converses stop in front of his stall. His eyes roll as the older says, “Are you mad?” 

 

Donghyuck quickly pops up from his seat and barrels through the stall, causing Mark to stumble on his feet. He straightens his back, evening their height before closing in on Mark. He closes him off into the counter, and a satisfied part of him likes the way Mark looks at him with a confused expression. 

 

“Am I mad?” he asks ironically. He punctuates each word with a pointer finger stab at the chest. “Just chilling? Why would you say that?” he demands, frustration getting the best of him. 

 

Mark regains his posture, the look of confusion never dwindling. “What, we’re just chilling is suddenly terrible?” he tries, casual and way too calm to be dealing with Hyuck. 

 

The younger of the two seethes, eyes stinging even further at the nonchalant tone in Mark’s voice. He hates being an angry crier. 

 

Mark sighs and tries to grab hold of Hyuck’s hand, failing when the singer rips it away. “Look, it’s not that big of a deal.” 

 

Donghyuck scoffs and steps back only to get into Mark’s space again to spit, “You literally said you loved me not even an hour ago.” 

 

They both stop to take a breather. Last Friday Night by Katy Perry is playing and if he wasn’t so pissed off right now he would be singing along to every word. He doesn’t though because he’s too busy glaring at his idiot boyfriend. Taking in the sight of Mark makes him even angrier. He looks so unbothered and it makes him want to make an even bigger scene. Mark wants to get this over with and it’s evident in the way he talks to Donghyuck. 

 

“That has nothing to do with what I said to Jaehyun,” he defends calmly. 

 

Donghyuck wants to punch Mark, maybe squeeze his head a bit, perhaps choke him out because it so _does_ has something to do with what he said to Jaehyun. But his boyfriend’s too stupid to realize it. 

 

“You just told your brother we’re not even in a fucking relationship,” he whisper screams. 

 

Curse him for getting so emotional, but he thought things would work out. For some reason, he had convinced himself that their relationship would continue smooth sailing. This is a stirring storm he wasn’t expecting. 

 

Something shifts in the way Mark stares at Donghyuck. The calm and casualty of his gaze disappears with one sentence. It makes his throat go dry as he waits for a response. He swallows the fury growing in his belly, exhaling harshly through his nose in a last attempt to relax. It’s like waiting for the penny to drop. 

 

“I didn’t think you would freak this much over a simple fucking expression,” Mark snaps, finally pushing back. 

 

Donghyuck wants to push back even harder. 

 

“Why did you say it? Why, Mark?” he demands, voice breaking without his control, throat dry and torn. 

 

Mark runs his hands through his messy black hair, tugging at the ends like he usually does when he’s frustrated. He used to find it endearing, but now he just wants to rip those hands out and tug on the soft strands of hair with his own rough, burning hands. 

 

“Jaehyun can’t know, okay?” Mark explains, still trying to keep up with his lost composure. “Because if Jaehyun knows then he’ll talk, and then he’ll keep talking until my parents find out.” 

 

The concept was difficult for Donghyuck’s mind to wrap around. Jaehyun couldn’t possibly gossip that much. Knowing of his little brother’s boyfriend would not cause a stir, but for unknown worries, Mark believed it would cause a hurricane. Donghyuck could tell in the way he stresses his words, the worry lines on his forehead, and the way he clenches his fists. Mark was scared of something. 

 

“And it’d be so bad if your parents found out?” he pushes, arms crossed and eyebrow raised in challenge. 

 

Someone walks into the bathroom. It’s silent between the two. Donghyuck averts his eyes and focuses on the spiderweb at the top right corner of the ceiling. This guy has not stopped peeing. Once he does, he stares at the two with unfiltered curiosity, washing his hands with unnecessary slowness. 

 

“Get out of here,” Donghyuck snaps once the stranger stares for _way_ too long. 

 

He scurries away and the couple is back at it, daggers held high, words just as sharp. 

 

Mark still hasn’t moved to explain himself. The singer is already past crying and his impatience grows larger with each passing second. 

 

“So, you gonna talk or are we just gonna stand here like idiots?” he presses. 

 

Mark dryly laughs and Donghyuck prepares himself for an answer. “My parents are already giving me shit about California. I don’t need them giving me shit about this too,” he gestures between them, “I’m never gonna hear the end of it.” 

 

He has to admit that one hurt a little bit. It unexpectedly stings. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting from Mark, but this definitely was not it. 

 

“Okay, now you’re not making any sense,” he says blankly. 

 

Mark sighs, defeated. “Let’s just say my parents don’t really like you,” he admits. “I didn’t want to tell them until _this_ gets totally serious. And I don’t know how long this will last, so,” he trails off. 

 

Okay, yeah, it definitely stings. _This_ . He’s talking about their relationship because _this_ is inevitably going to end. It’s going to end because California is a state across the country and how serious are they really. It’s a long distance relationship they could never commit to. It’s been five days and Mark doesn’t want to officially establish a doomed relationship with his parents, who don’t even like Donghyuck even though they’ve had ten interactions in total throughout the three years the two have been friends. 

 

Yeah, it stings. The words curl around his heart and squeeze until heartbreak threatens to spill.

 

“Oh, so we’re not serious and I’m just gonna be a secret,” he wetly laughs, a sad sound he digs out. “We’re not serious? Mark, you told me you were in _love_ with me. You don’t just pull that out of your ass!” 

 

“I-I know,” he stumbles frustratedly. “Look, spring break hasn’t even ended yet. Let’s just see where this goes.” 

 

“What happens after spring break?” he asks quietly. It’s so quiet in this public bathroom. The pop music pours through the thin walls and fills into their conversation like white noise. 

 

Mark looks around, barely looking at Donghyuck. “I just don’t think it’s smart if I tell my parents.” 

 

“Right now you’re not,” he points out quickly. “You’re telling Jaehyun that we’re just friends when you kissed me in front of everyone.”

 

Mark has nothing to say and decides to leave it that way. Donghyuck can see the hesitancy in his eyes. He wants to fix this, but thinks better of it. He’s already fucked it up. 

 

Hyuck moves to leave, brushing Mark’s shoulder on the way out. “You’re a fucking hypocrite,” he whispers into Mark’s ear. 

 

-

 

He refuses to room with Mark. It takes a lot of begging and dodging questions to switch with Jaemin, but eventually the bassist agrees. 

 

He grumbles as he gathers his stuff. “You guys better settle whatever the fuck this is,” he says definitively. 

 

Renjun’s sitting on the bed in his PJ’s already, looking tired and uninterested in Donghyuck’s problems. Perfect, just what he needed. He didn’t feel like answering stabbing questions. For now, he needed to distract himself and Renjun is the perfect night roommate. 

 

“We gotta leave at eight a.m tomorrow,” Renjun complains, “so you better not wake me up before then.” 

 

The boy then promptly wraps himself up with the hotel bedding and disappears into his cocoon. Donghyuck isn’t having any of it. He needs to distract himself from the shit that’s going on with him and Mark, and if that means pestering Renjun until the sun comes up then so be it. 

 

“Do you ever feel like you’re wasting time?” he asks suddenly as he jumps onto his bed. Renjun doesn’t respond so he continues. “We’re going to be seniors next year and I still feel like a stupid freshman.” 

 

At that, Renjun grunts, prompting Hyuck to continue. Renjun will listen because he’s a great listener who’d rather sit back and absorb everything that is being said rather than filling empty pauses with his voice. The perfect distraction. 

 

“You’re seventeen. That’s basically hag years. I’m going to be seventeen and I still feel like a stupid kid. I knew life supposed to fly by, but never thought it’d be this fast. You get what I’m saying?” he rambles on. 

 

At this point he has no idea what he is saying. He’s just trying to think of anything other than the nasty emotions swirling around his brain. Apparently, Renjun has no idea what he is saying either. 

 

“I have no idea what you’re saying right now,” he mumbles into his pillow. “So please shut up.” 

 

He’s far from sleep. Staying awake would only lead to overthinking, which ultimately leads to guilt. He’ll start getting guilty for voicing his frustration. Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal. He’s not sure at this point. 

 

He sighs before jumping into another discussion. “What about you, Junnie?” he diverts. “What are your deepest, darkest thoughts and secrets?” 

 

His friend never answers, so Hyuck takes it to push even more. 

 

“So, you and Jeno squashed the weird beef you guys had,” he pokes. That gets enough attention. Renjun sits up so quickly, Donghyuck worries if he gets a headrush. 

 

“We are not talking about this right now. This is not a conversation,” Renjun says blankly. This only grows Donghyuck’s existing curiosity. 

 

He really knows nothing about those two. Something weird happened over the summer and it was weird for all of them. Suddenly, Renjun would only hang out with the guys if Jeno wasn’t there. Eventually, it got to the point where the two never wanted to be left alone together. There had to be some middle man if they wanted to hang out. 

 

Donghyuck never understood it. It’s probably due to the fact he’s been tackling his own drama. But Renjun nor Jeno ever bring it up. So, he’s never asked. 

 

“Oh come on,” he whines. “I’m bored and I want to know more about the juicy drama you always hide from me.” For dramatic effect, he pouts. 

 

Renjun groans as Donghyuck climbs into the same bed as him, destroying the false sense of safety he made from his blanket cocoon. 

 

“There’s no juicy drama. Can we just go back to focusing on the thrilling Markhyuck drama,” he complains, fighting against the loving cuddle arms coming from Donghyuck. 

 

The younger wins and tightens his hug before analyzing what Renjun just said. “What the fuck is Markhyuck?” he plainly asks. 

 

He decides not to comment on the fact that his drama with Mark had affected their friend group so much. A small bit of guilt eats at him upon this realization. Jaemin told him a while ago at the rest stop, but being reminded the second time is no less hurtful. 

 

Renjun looks at him with a bored stare, nose to nose because of how close they are. “Your names combined together, idiot,” he answers snarkily. The two giggle after a break of silence. 

 

Donghyuck continues pressing. “Enough of that. Jeno and Renjun are the new hot topic.” 

 

Renjun rolls his eyes so hard it looks like his eyes could get stuck like that. But then he opens his eyes with the most intimidating glare. It almost gives him chills. 

 

“If I tell you will you shut up?” he asks, half joking. Donghyuck nods and waits. “Let’s just say we made out and things got awkward.” 

 

It sounds like something so simple. Did they really need to create a whole drama behind a few kisses? Donghyuck probably shouldn’t say anything considering he did the same thing. So, he empathizes with his friend. 

 

“I’m glad you guys could move past that,” he says with a quiet voice. “Where are you guys now?” he asks smugly. 

 

Renjun shift over so his back faces the other and replies, “No comment.” Donghyuck can’t see his face, but he knows there’s a hidden smile somewhere behind his silence. 

 

He never returns to his own bed and cuddles with Renjun. The thoughts continue to plague his mind. He lets his friend’s quiet breaths trance him to sleep. He falls asleep with millions of stories writing in his head. Different outcomes of tonight roll through his mind like a movie. He dreams of smooth sailing. 

 

The next morning, they’re running around the hotel room trying to speed up their packing process by one thousand. The two overslept because neither of them set up an alarm, too caught up in sharing their deepest, darkest secrets. 

 

“Where’s my favorite bracelet?” he shouts from the bathroom, looking all over the counter for it. He usually takes it off before going into the shower, but puts it back on every time. It’s neither on his wrist or on the counter. 

 

Renjun’s quick response comes sharp, “Up my ass.” 

 

“You’re no help!” he shouts back. 

 

He will not give up and nearly destroys everything on the marble. No luck. Donghyuck storms out of the bathroom in fury. His mom gave him that bracelet. He refuses to abandon it in a fancy Boston hotel. 

 

“Why don’t you check your old room?” Renjun suggests as he stuffs clothes into his duffle bag. 

 

His old room. The room he dropped off his stuff originally. The room he was sharing with Mark before he decided his boyfriend was a piece of shit. The room he took a shower in before escaping to Renjun and Jaemin’s room. 

 

He groans and nearly throws a mini tantrum before making his way a door over. Donghyuck stands in front of the door, the gold number 117 staring at him glaringly. There’s bags under his eyes, his face is swollen and he’s too tired to deal with this shit. After grinding his teeth and trying to pre construct all the positive outcomes, he decides to just ram through. 

 

With a quick swipe of the hotel card, he shoves the door open with his shoulder and keeps his chin high. He thinks all is going well after he swipes his bracelet off the marble, but as he steps outside of the bathroom, he hears a quiet voice. Two steps in and he stops completely. 

 

Mark’s talking to his parents. He can hear the korean words coming through the speaker of his android, muffled and barely audible. It’s confirmed when Mark answers in korean. 

 

Donghyuck turns to his right to see Mark sitting on the edge of his messy hotel bed. He’s wearing a hoodie and shorts, comfortable. His hands play with the bands of his socks, sneakers tapping the side of blanket. There are bags under his eyes and he still looks lovely. 

 

“No, mom, I didn’t go to church,” he replies in english. He sighs with slight frustration. Donghyuck knows Mark hasn’t gone to church by himself in forever. “We’re on our way to New York now. I didn’t have the time.” 

 

More angry muffled korean filters through. Donghyuck is frozen stuck. It takes five seconds for Mark to realize there’s somebody else in the room. His eyes lift up and they look so tired. His deep brown eyes stare wide, unbreaking as he continues his short responses with his mom. 

 

“Mom,” he cuts suddenly. “I have something to tell you.” 

 

Donghyuck holds his breath as he rolls his bracelet with his fingers. His breath gets stuck in his heart. Mark is staring directly at him, blinking tiredly. A moment held so delicately between them could crack at one single movement. Donghyuck waits. 

 

“I’m, uh, dating someone right now,” he nervously confesses, his voice so sensitive it could break. 

 

“That’s great, Minhyung!” his mother’s voice rings out. So excited. “Who is it? Is it Mindy? I’ve always liked her. Her parents are so nice, such generous donors.” 

 

Donghyuck fears if he makes the wrong move everything will come crashing down. He remembers the aching feeling he had after leaving Mark alone in that bowling alley bathroom. The feeling of regret of such an aftermath made him want to scratch out all of the words he even dared to spit. But they had to be said because if he ever hesitated, he wouldn’t have felt the same. 

 

In some sense, Donghyuck didn’t feel bad about speaking his mind after Mark fucked up, but he does feel bad for yelling at him, for being so mean. He finds out he doesn’t _really_ like being mean at Mark. Even if he is an idiot. 

 

Mark looks down for one second before his gaze meets Donghyuck’s again, who’s standing frozen in the middle of the hotel room. 

 

“I’m dating Donghyuck.” 

 

A pause sits heavy on the both of them. 

 

“We’ll talk when you get home,” his mother’s reply comes strikingly. Her tone is dull, nothing like the excitement from ten seconds earlier. 

 

Mark hangs up and drops the phone onto his lap. He hasn’t broken the eye contact that tied them together. He keeps searching for forgiveness in silence. In a grand gesture, he apologized for all of the stupid shit. 

 

Donghyuck crosses the space between them, Mark standing in response, and he winds his arms tightly around Mark’s body. He squeezes tightly and closes his eyes. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Mark whispers, slowly rubbing Donghyuck’s back in comfort. 

 

“I don’t want to get angry at you,” he muffles into Mark’s shoulder. “But sometimes you’re so stupid.” 

 

Mark laughs half-heartedly. “I know,” he admits. 

 

“I’m still mad at you,” Donghyuck reminds, “but I forgive you.” 

 

“I know.” 

 

-

 

By the time they’re crawling back into the van, they’re already holding hands and hanging off of each other again. It’s almost like their argument never happened, but Donghyuck is still mad, he’ll admit that.

 

“The old couple reunites,” Jeno teases from the driver’s seat. 

 

Jaemin pulls up the directions and grumbles with Chenle on the best route. Meanwhile, Donghyuck pulls up his and Mark’s intertwined hands to show off for Jeno. 

 

“Oh my god, let me choose,” Jeno snaps when the two arguing continue to debate over routes. He performs eenie meenie miney moe, and they’re off to New York City. The last stop in their mini tour. 

 

It’s only been a taste of tour life and Donghyuck has already fallen in love. 

 

“Do you think we’ll ever do this again?” he whispers to Mark as he leans against his shoulder. 

 

The logical side of him thinks a tour with all seven of them would be far into the distant future after they all graduate. For now, they’ll watch Mark move on and try to piece their band without him. 

 

“We will,” Mark promises. Donghyuck hopes it isn’t an empty promise. 

 

He drifts into a nap, trying to cut down the long drive with sleep. He wakes up when they’re only an hour and a half away. With his newfound energy, he takes over the aux and immediately turns on the classic 2000s hits. 

 

Shouting on top of their lungs with the bass booming throughout the car, dreams of a next time dance on top of their heads. The next roadtrip, the next gig, the next interview, the next tour. They all dream the same dreams and beg for this feeling to never fade away. 

 

Walking around Times Square, taking pictures and laughing at stupid jokes, he realizes moments like these are unforgetable. So, as he takes candid pictures of his friends, he tries to capture their youthful energy and the happiness they’re all feeling. 

 

New York is filled with people. There are so many people it hurts his brain. He struggles to think about all of the stories people have to share.. Each person he passes has a life, a tale of their own, and that thought alone makes him want to cry. 

 

He feels small. He feels insignificant and he feels like a stupid teenager about to cry over teen angst. 

 

It’s the last night of their mini tour. Some of the teen angst bubbling inside of him is threatening to spill over as he thinks about returning to school. He’s running on two hours of sleep and the need to cry is building steadily. 

 

They’re wrapping up their last concert. Jisung’s guitar string rings through and the crowd is still whooping in excitement. He waits for his breath to calm and for the crowd to settle. 

 

The last song on the setlist is only minutes away. Time seems to have disappeared throughout the show, but at this moment as he stares out into the crowd, illuminated by the purple lights, the concept of time reminds its presence. He realizes how late it is when he yawns suddenly. 

 

On this stage, he feels bigger than life. He no longer feels insignificant and he feels a semblance of importance. 

 

His mood flips like a switch and he’s sobbing. 

 

“This was so fun,” he cries into the mic. “I don’t ever want it to end.” 

 

The crowd coos at him, screaming different words of encouragement. He tries to wipe his tears away and laughs when Mark opens his arms for a welcoming hug. 

 

“Are you high?” Renjun asks into the mic with a scowl on his face. "He only cries like this when he's high. I promise." The crowd laughs. 

 

Donghyuck sniffs a couple of times, trying to calm himself down. He only reduces his cries to hiccups. He buries himself in Mark’s arms and the crowd continues to show their support through their shouts. 

 

“We’ll be back as soon as we can,” he says into the mic, still wrapped in Mark’s comforting embrace. “Oh god, Renjun, just start up the last song,” he says with a playful tone. 

 

He jumps towards the edge of the stage, so close to their fans he can feel their love. The last song on their setlist starts with Renjun’s sweet voice, the energetic chords from his board fill the small venue. 

 

Sweat falls down from his forehead as he sings the lyrics he holds so dear to his heart. Before he knows it, the song is over and the night comes to a close. The six of them run off with large waves and kisses directed towards the crowd. Jeno throws his signed sticks while Jisung and Mark toss their picks. Donghyuck takes his final bow. 

 

And just like that, their concert is over. 

 

He never wants this night to end.

 

In the back room, Jisung sobs and they all make fun of him for being a baby. Donghyuck joins in the teasing even though he was the one crying ten minutes ago. 

 

They pack as quickly as possible because they still have to go to school tomorrow. It’s late and his tired limbs can barely hold something weighing more than ten pounds. So, he collects all of the little set decorations. He really doesn’t want to go to school. The idea of waking up at six a.m has him puking. Hyuck’s mom would never let it go and badger him for missing a single day. 

 

“If I have to go to school tomorrow, I’m sleeping in every single class,” Renjun complains from his seat. 

 

Mark jumps into the driver’s seat with a sigh. “I have a Calculus test I didn’t study for,” he moans. 

 

They all agree they’d much rather ditch school. 

 

“My mom is forcing me to go,” Donghyuck groans as he shows them a text she’s sent. “You guys better not ditch me.” 

 

Marks starts the car, leaning back with a lazy grin. He plops a hand on Donghyuck’s thigh, squeezing reassuringly before driving away. With one hand on the wheel, he makes his way out of the city. All of the lights from the billboards and signs illuminate his side profile. 

 

“You’re so cute,” Donghyuck says softly out of nowhere. He stares lovingly with his whole body turned to admire Mark. 

 

At a redlight, Mark turns to kiss him. It’s a quick light kiss, nothing too major. Casual. But it sends Donghyuck’s heart racing. After everything, Mark still makes him feel so high. 

 

-

 

Mark drops everybody off at their houses and it’s nearly three a.m by the time they make it to Donghyuck’s house. Taeyong and Johnny are still dropping off Chenle, Jaemin, and Jisung. So, Mark’s the only car sitting in the driveway. 

 

With a rumbling stop, he parks, remove his keys and turn off the headlights. They’re left in warm darkness. After a long pause, Donghyuck jumps out of the car, immediately heading for the hood of Mark’s car. It’s warm in contrast to the cool night. He lies down to stare up at the stars he’s missed. 

 

“I feel like I’m not even a person right now,” he says once Mark joins him on the hood. 

 

Mark chuckles, confused. “What does that mean?” 

 

Donghyuck continues to trace the stars, his eyes searching for something. He senses his mortality, even as young as he is, he feels like he’s running out of time. 

 

“It means I feel like I’m watching a video. Like my life is some Netflix special,” he explains playfully. 

 

Mark leans his head over to tuck himself into Donghyuck’s neck, giggling at the silliness of the younger’s statement. 

 

“You’re so weird,” he teases. 

 

Donghyuck turns over, sitting up slightly. A large grin pulls his face and he feels giddy. 

 

“But you love that,” he replies with a smug grin. 

 

Mark pushes Donghyuck’s hair back gently. “Yeah, I do,” his gentle voice admits. 

 

Donghyuck smiles into the kiss he shares with Mark. He already misses the feeling of jumping onto a fresh stage with new crowds. He craves the feeling once again and would do anything to jump back on. He'd take any opportunity to perform again. But he has other responsibilities like school and homework. He really wishes he didn't have to. He kind of wishes they could all drop out and make this into a living, not just some high school large band. And it's starting to go that way. 

 

With more recognition and new listeners, their band is growing each day. But Mark is leaving and things are going to start getting complicated. 

 

“Spring break is over,” he brings up, voice still a quiet whisper. “What now?” his question comes. 

 

Mark underneath him looks so gorgeous. His dark hair is messy and Donghyuck runs his hands through it to mess it up even more. 

 

Mark shrugs as he says, “We don’t have to think about that right now.” 

 

Donghyuck shakes his head. “We can’t keep pushing this off, Mark,” he points out. “Eventually, there’s going to be a time where neither of are going to know what to do.” 

 

Mark sighs, closing his eyes in thought. He doesn’t say anything, so Donghyuck continues, “And I’m not sure I’m ready to let this go.” 

 

He's not ready to get rid of this. If a long distance relationship is what they need to stay connected, even miles away, Donghyuck thinks he's ready to give his time and effort. For now, he thinks he can hold their relationship together. Now, it's just left to Mark to see if he wants to do the same. It'd never work if only one of them puts in the effort. Mark has to want it too. 

 

The guitarist doesn't say anything, just pulling Hyuck into a sweet kiss. For now, he distracts him from the buzzing questions in his mind. 

 

Spring break is over and so much is to come. He’s scared out of his mind. 

 

Summer is so close. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait ^~^ 
> 
> take this giant mess of drama and tears!


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